Accidental application of Tiger Balm (red variety) to mucous membranes is no picnic either.
:cue fetal position:
Yes! It’s shocking how many people still don’t know this, and just assume that if something’s sold by the condoms it’s a-ok. I won’t even keep anything oil-based in my goodie drawer. And anything sugar-based, or that has been coated in anything sugar-based, can’t go near my genitals (that’s basically how thrush and UTIs are made). If every inch of it’s got to be licked off, so be it.
Oh, and also, mangoes or highly acidic fruit. Not a great pre-coital snack.
[Johnny Cash]Love is a burning thing[/Johnny Cash]
[Johnny Cash]And it makes a fiery ring[/Johnny Cash]
[Johnny Cash]And it burns burns burns…[/Johnny Cash]
Sorry for your experience, but dayum, it made me laugh! 
Dude, this SO happened to my co-worker, except replace “warming massage oil” with “hand sanitizer.”
YEOWCH!
Needless to say, she doesn’t keep the sanitizer in the bedroom dresser any longer.
I am SO glad I’m not the only one who thought of that!
Only a mild hijack: A colleague’s daughter discovered she had a previously unknown latex allergy by calling her mom from the campus health service when she broke out in rashes, in a couple different places.
Notably her genitalia and the mucous membranes in and around her mouth.
Interestingly, I think that’s also when she found out that her little girl was doing such things.
Now my girlfriend doesn’t want me masturbating at all because she heard about the recent study linking masturbation to prostate cancer. :rolleyes:
As soon as it stopped hurting, I was laughing too. And then shared it with everyone I knew the next day…
Personally, we like the warming stuff, but the cool sensation stuff feels like my pink girly bits have been numbed with Novocain.
I’d be *thrilled *that my daughter (well, or my son, I suppose) was using condoms for oral sex! I have to admit, I’m a stickler for safe vaginal and anal, but even I don’t bother with condoms for oral…
As for things that don’t get left on the nightstand any longer, that list for me would include tea tree oil (GAH! not so bad in the moment, but chemical burns ensue) and that lotion with salicylic acid designed to soften rough dry heels overnight (YIE-IE-IE-IE!!!)
Well, salicylic acid is also used for wart removal…
Oh, yeah. Learned the hard way that oranges are not a fruit to “play” with in bed. Didn’t bother him too much, but me! OOOWWWW
Oils are also inadvisable to use on the female genitalia because they’re nearly impossible to wash out and can lead to infections. It’s OK to use them on the clitoris and such, but you don’t want them getting inside you.
“Aaaaaahhhh my dick is burning!!!” is what put me over the edge. Wasn’t it in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” that Yosemite Sam gets shot in the ass and bounces around screaming “My biscuits are burning!!!”?
You should try a smaller one. But you do have a leg up on the old ping pong ball trick…