Remember if people talk behind your back, it only means you are two steps ahead.
My two favorites:
I’d be normal, but I had a family.
I love humanity but I hate people.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Well, that puts a whole new meaning to my chant: “I like killing kittens, I like killing kittens, I like killing kittens, oh, I like killing kittens!”
Anyway, as Ghengis Khan once said; “What will happen will happen.”
“The eagle eat the bacon” --Dane Cook
It’s not that we have so little time, it’s that we waste so much.
Oops, I meant to quote Keapon Laffin in that last post.
And it changes someone else’s chant altogether: “Woooo!!! I AM KILLING KITTENS LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!”
It is better to be penetrated when lubed than when you are not. (Astro Glide) 
Next time we’re the only two to show up for a Doper Dinner – remind me to pretend not to see you.
The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.
“If at first you don’t succeed, of course you quit. Now let’s go inside and watch TV”
- Homer Simpson
It is easier to love humanity as a whole than to love your neighbor.
When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
“Common sense is not so common” - Voltaire
Confucius, he say, “Man who go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger”
I my father always said ‘if you are a hammer…’
make’s you think about the meaning…
Life itself is a series eels.
Micheal Leunig.
If at first you don’t suck seed… Suck it again!.. PLEASE!!!
The Lord Privy Seal is neither a lord, nor a privy, nor a seal.
- Edward Heath
Bumper sticker I saw on the way to work:
I laughed.