I would like to point out that the last post to a thread is likely not the one that killed it. Often, issues are cleared up, questions answered, or debates settled ( ::snicker:: ) before the last couple of stragglers come waltzing in with “Me Too!” posts or similar.
How do you propose we solve this problem? An elected board of judges to make the call in the event of a dispute? I’m down. How many judges do you think we should have?
DaLovin’ Dj
Impossible! Because if you start disqualifying last-posts because they weren’t the actual killers, you have to qualify those 3rd-to-last posts that WERE the killers. And that’s just a pain in the ass. But maybe it’s just the title of “thread killer” that needs to be changed - I’m sure there’s a more accurate description to include the “me too!” posts.
Hmmmmm. It seems like a good point, but maybe you’re just trying to save some of your threadkills. . .
The name stays the same. But you’re right. After a little thought, it would be a pain in the ass (and alot more vague) if we had to discount “me too” type posts.
The true thread killer, I fear, must be the one to show enough interest to keep posting in the thread. This has to include “me too”'s. But this thread offers an opportunity for ridicule should someone try to claim a weak kill. So beware which points you call . . .the pile-on gangs are out tonight . . .
DaLovin’ Dj
I don’t kill threads Sometimes they languish in misery for days afterwards before expiring.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=82446
Booyica! I got’s me another. I killed this one first with a response that summed things up nicely, but then jab1 came along with a punk-ass little comment, and so I had to kill it with a response which refered his petty attack to the proper thread.
dalovindj - 2
Score: .004
Damn. DJScherr has a .07? I’ll have to work on that. But I’m not done searchin yet!
Dalovin’ Dj
So what’s the trophy gonna look like?
A clenched sphincter?
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=83134
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=80686
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=82160
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=85368
4/60 = .06666… round to .07
WooHoo! I’m in the running.
I claim this thread in the name of epolo the Uninteresting.
I knew I could do it.
pats self on back
Ah, but you just posted to it!
Threads I kill die a slow death. Apparently I am unable to bring anything to the table even remotely provacative/entertaining/what have you.
I’m the one who doesn’t necessarily kill a thread, but my Midas’ touch definetely will slow down its growth, and contribute, however indirectly to its demise. Much like Superman, I’m able to stop a freight train in that respect.
Like an elderly elephant, my posts veer off into the desert, dragging the thread along behing to die in shame, hidden from sight.
Watch out dj; my powers may well be at work on this thread right now. Hmmmm???
I think I lose by default;)
Surely you need:
9. Once a thread is dead, it is dead. Resurrections will not count as fresh kills.
Otherwise some incredibly sad doper is going to go round resurrecting old threads to add an inane comment and claim a kill.
I’m not even going to try to look for my score in this one. It constantly depresses me just how many threads I kill. I must be up into the twenties already at least - in GD alone. The last thing I need to know is a precise score.
Have at it.
pan
I have, on any number of occassions, posted an argument so concise, so insightful, and well-reasoned, that all opposition evaporates, at which point the thread ends (save for a few tag-ons expressing awe and admiration)
I hardly think of this as “thread-killing”, more like bringing a thread to its glorious fullfilment.
I want a special category for my unique talent: Posting something that doesn’t kill the thread, but rather everyone else keeps on posting without ever acknowledging a word of what I typed or going in the direction the post suggests.
That my dear friends, takes a special kind of untalent. And I have it in SPADES.
kabbes:
Check rule number 6. That covers it.
Congratulations on killing this thread epolo. Truly you are a force to be ignored. . . I mean. . . reckoned with.
DaLovin’ Dj
Ok, here is an excercise in boredom. Following is a rating of all thread killers. I’ve set up my own rules, though. I’ve only considered those threads that have not been extended for at least ten days and no more than twenty (so, threads with a last post between 10/4 and 10/14). I’m measuring efficiency of the threadkiller, not the volume of the thread killer. If someone can kill three threads with only three posts, that is impressive. Killing three threads with 120 posts in the period is more mundane. Closed threads have been discarded from the sample. General Qestions have been ignored since killing a thread in there is a good thing (hopefully) and Great Debates is ignored because you can’t kill a thread in there. To qualify, a person must have killed at least two threads in the time period. Any person can get lucky and kill one thread.
The formula I am using to calculate efficiency is:
E = (K/(P/(M*3))*100
E = Kill efficiency
K = Number of threads killed in the time period
P = Total posts for the killer
M = Length of posters membership at SDMB, in months
Since we can’t directly measure the total posts made in a time period, I am calculating the average number of posts made by the person per month since they registered. Multiplying the months by three delivers the average number of posts in a ten day period. I have assumed that all posters registered on the first of the month and have counted October as 1 whole month. The ways in which this number could falsely represent actual posting activity in the period are obvious*, but should serve to equalize somewhat across posters.
Phase One will just present those most skilled in killing Pit threads. Other phases will follow (assuming I continue to be bored):
33.3 Zaphod Beeblebrox
21.5 Neurotik
19.6 PunditLisa
18.5 particlewill
18.1 mswas
13.3 Çyrin
12.9 Cartooniverse
12.5 Eternal
12.0 HairyPotter
11.8 Michael Ellis
7.5 Dijon Warlock
7.5 saepiroth
7.2 Tuckerfan
6.6 Venoma
6.5 The Great Gazoo
6.4 featherlou
5.4 Rilchiam
5.3 Jodi
4.5 Smeghead
2.8 Anthracite
1.4 Guinastasia
- The most obvious skewing effect would be if a person registered many months ago, but just recently began posting in earnest.
DETAILS
Anthracite
4218 posts in 20 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
For the last time, I don’t want to register my copy of OS/2!
Have you NEVER seen a Black woman NAKED!!!
Efficiency Rating: 2.8
Cartooniverse
1740 posts in 25 months
3 threads killed in timeframe
down n dirty oral sex ranting
This is simply too delicious to believe.
TubaDiva
Efficiency Rating: 12.9
Çyrin
135 posts in 3 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
Flame Çyrin Thread
Hey! CO-WORKER! SHUT UP!
Efficiency Rating: 13.3
Dijon Warlock
1197 posts in 15 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
I’m doing bad things
It’s PUS, dammit!!!
Efficiency Rating: 7.5
Eternal
114 posts in 2 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
bin Laden as moron?!?!?!
Enough with the fucking conspiracies!
Efficiency Rating: 12.5
featherlou
1222 posts in 13 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
I can’t believe they saw this in an email.
On Being Stood Up
Efficiency Rating: 6.4
Guinastasia
6227 posts in 15 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
Finally, a picture of the fruit punch “penis”
What on EARTH is wrong with you?!
Efficiency Rating: 1.4
HairyPotter
200 posts in 4 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
Evidentally Evil?
There is a fucking SCORPION in my room!
Efficiency Rating: 12.0
Jodi
3365 posts in 30 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
Arturo’s open letter to Lynn, et al
Why Are Conservatives So Evil?
Efficiency Rating: 5.3
Michael Ellis
408 posts in 8 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
Michael vents at the knee-jerkers
Peace Protestors, Grow The Fuck Up!
Efficiency Rating: 11.8
mswas
430 posts in 13 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
Stupid Yuppie STOP FUCKING UP MY COUNTRY
what the fuck is wrong with some gamers?
Efficiency Rating: 18.1
Neurotik
278 posts in 10 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
The bastards want a road tax!
Win Ben Stein’s Ignorance
Efficiency Rating: 21.5
particlewill
484 posts in 15 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
They’re called nipples, Jackass!
This is my brain. This is my brain on Marlo Thomas. Any Questions?
Efficiency Rating: 18.5
PunditLisa
1958 posts in 32 months
4 threads killed in timeframe
L.P.C.S.
Thanks, FBI. Or … gulp!
What the fuck’s wrong with you people?
#straightdope people are going to be a clique at DTF!
Efficiency Rating: 19.6
Rilchiam
3422 posts in 31 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
Cantor Fitzgerald widows on 20/20
Nice Kitty
Efficiency Rating: 5.4
saepiroth
637 posts in 8 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
Fighting Ignorance Etiquette
Would you like me to shove a Bible up your ass?
Efficiency Rating: 7.5
Smeghead
2542 posts in 19 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
Fuckin SDMB almost cost me my job today…
You’ve RUINED Monty Python for me
Efficiency Rating: 4.5
The Great Gazoo
278 posts in 3 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
How to cash in on Patriotism.
Look, charities . . . . . . . .I’M TAPPED OUT!
Efficiency Rating: 6.5
Tuckerfan
830 posts in 10 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
Fuck Your National Security State
Fucking Paranoia (long)
Efficiency Rating: 7.2
Venoma
181 posts in 2 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
No, dearest Mom, the dog is YOUR problem.
We, the irrationally upset.
Efficiency Rating: 6.6
Zaphod Beeblebrox
323 posts in 17 months
2 threads killed in timeframe
I’m going to beat the snot out of someone
Why the mother fuck have the MODS not…
Efficiency Rating: 33.3
You know, sometimes I stagger myself with my own ineptitude.
Thankyou for letting me know nicely.
pan
The stunned silence is not an indication that Kabbes has added to his own score. Its quite simply dumbfouded awe at what obfusciatrist has gone and done.
OH! Me too… sometimes I just know I am talking to myself here… Hello?.. Hello?
I know of 3 posts in MPSIMS that I am the last poster on…
one of them is an apology for my tantrum several posts earlier 