Tiger Woods Joke Thread

I heard Tiger Woods is changing his name to Cheetah

Q: What’ s the difference between a golf ball and a Cadillac Escalade?
A: Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball more than 200 yards.

Q: Why did Tiger hit a fire hydrant and a tree?
A; He couldn’t decide between an iron and a wood.

Q: What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
A: They went clubbing

Q: What club did Elin use to ‘rescue’ her husband?
A: A bitching wedge.

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
Santa stops at three Hos.

I’ve heard he’s changing his name to Lion.

Why has the PGA suspended Tiger Woods?

He’s using oversize balls.

So we finally found someone who can beat Tiger with golf clubs!

Grabs niblick

Assumes stance, wiggling ass a few times

Hits thread from Cafe Society to MPSIMS

Fist pumps

What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common?

They both get clubbed by Norwegians.

Certainly a lot of people can out-drive him.

I heard one about him out doing 18 hos, but can’t remember the exact setup.

One of Tiger’s ladies complained that the worst thing about having sex with him was the guy standing at the foot of the bed screaming “IT’S IN THE HOLE!”

God and Moses are playing golf.
Moses tees off, it’s a nice shot a couple of feet from the hole, but hey,
he’s been doing this for thousands of years.
God has been reading a little book. He puts it in his pocket and takes out a five iron.
“Oye”, says Moses, “If you use a five iron, you will slice and hit the water trap.”
“Tiger Woods”, replies God, “Says to use a five iron on this hole.” Sure enough, he hits the water trap.
Moses walks over to the trap, waves his arms, the water rolls back and he brings the ball back.
God takes up his five iron.
“I told you,” Moses says, “You will slice and hit the water trap!”
God again replies, “Tiger Woods says to use a five iron on this hole.”
He hits the water trap.
Moses stomps over to the water trap, throws his arms wide, gets the ball and returns.
“If you use your five iron again, I’m not getting your ball!” He exclaims.
“Tiger Woods”, insists God, “says to use a five iron.”
He slices again. Moses makes no move to part the waters, so God walks on top of the water looking for his ball.
Meanwhile some other guys have been waiting to tee off, and they are hacked. One of them marches over
to Moses, grabs his shoulder and spins him around. “Who does that guy think he is, God?!?”
“No,” replies Moses, “He thinks he’s Tiger Woods.”

… without hitting a tree.

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”

Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”

Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”

Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”

Teacher: “That’s right Nancy , you may also leave.”

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!”

The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”


Did you hear Tiger Woods caught an STD?

The golf clap.

Oh, no. Leave the seals to the Norwegians and let us Swedes handle the tigers.

Another said it was all the time he’d spend discussing the lie with his caddy before putting it in.

I understand 15 women have claimed to have sex with Tiger. 4 more and there will be a bunch of jokes about “the nineteenth hole.”

Women: The one trap he can’t get himself out of.

You’d think his wife would have figured out why he had a ball washer next to the bed.