So, I’m sitting here reading the Dope and daintily scarfing up some Wheat Thins with vegetable cream cheese*. I like to make little sandwiches out of them. And I got to thinking about all the other goodies that are crunchy on the outside and soft or wet in the middle…Oreos, pierogi or potstickers, grilled cheese sandwiches, french fries, etc. It occurs to me that maybe we like those foods so much because our ancestors (and indeed some of our modern cousins) ate a lot of bugs. Mmmm, nice crunchy exoskeleton bursting with guts. Now I can’t shake the thought! But, I have a rather…healthy appetite at the moment, so I finish my crackers.
Found this article, so maybe it’s not that silly of a thought. But not exactly in the realm of provable science, either.
I’m also convinced that smokers were more likely to have been the kids who had to quit thumbsucking or ditch the pacifier right before kindergarten…
So, you got any pet (or petty) hypotheses, just-so stories, kooky convictions? Share them here!
*Breakfast of Champions, I know. Hush, you. My toaster is broken.
I have a pet theory that being employed tends to lower many mens testosterone. Some men cannot distinguish between submitting to another man and simply doing a job.
Studies have been done on african lions based on the color and density of thier manes. Everytime they loose a fight or submit to another lion thier mane looses density and luster due to a drop in testosterone. If they submit to a water buffalo, a rhino or an elephant it has no effect on them. I see bosses and jobs as elephants while some men see them as more dominant males.
With all his debauchery & blasphemy, why did none of the nations he wandered around in actually arrest & try Aleister Crowley? Perhaps because he was a double-agent, or had some sort of special immunity. So was his notoriety actually a cover?
Hmmm!
Of course, I wouldn’t go so far as to say he was an asexual teetotaler who regularly prayed to Jesus, but wouldn’t that be a hoot!
Have you ever noticed that sometimes two normal parents can have a kid who’s a nerd, but whenever two nerdy people have kids, they all seem to be nerds? My hypothesis is that nerdity is due to a recessive gene. The normal parents who have a nerdy kid must then be carriers, and can have kids who are nerds, carriers, or non-carriers, but nerds don’t have the normal gene to pass on, so all their kids are nerds.
The plastic that credit cards are made from emits an active chemical that reduces the capacity for logical thought and makes carriers susceptible to sales pitches. This has recently been supplemented by the chip-implanted cards, which receive signals from cell phone towers and rebroadcast them as directly-acting control waves with effects similar to the plastic additive.
If you put a few pieces of macaroni in one with a little bit of cheese, you can make a tiny crockpot mac 'n cheese.
Oh…crackpot…sorry. I’ve got nothing.
Ah, but then there is the very rare mutation where two nerdy parents somehow end up with a kid that becomes captain of the football team. It’s a very upsetting situation, so fortunately it is mostly unheard of.
Microsoft deliberately designs Windows so that Apple software will run poorly on it. They also deliberately make the OSX versions of MS software run poorly. This is done in the hopes that people will blame those shortcomings on Apple.
Meanwhile, Apple deliberately designs OSX so that Microsoft software will run poorly on it and deliberately makes Windows versions of Apple software run poorly. In the hopes that people will blame those shortcomings on Microsoft.
I am convinced that leaving the coffee machine open overnight, so that the chlorine can properly evaporate from the water, makes my morning coffee much more excellent and chlorine-free.
It has been proven that mosquitoes prefer a certain type of “victim,”
I have my own crackpot theory that since those tiny predators do, then it only makes sense that other predators would, too. I postulate that spiders are drawn to certain people the same way mosquitoes are; I am one of them, and I wish they would leave me alone.
As a side note, about a week ago, I was telling a co-worker about this mosquito study, and explaining to him about my spider theory while we were closing the store. He took the trash out, I finished the register, and we got ready to leave. I opened the door… and a spider was hanging in the doorway. It had not been there 2 minutes ago when he had taken out the trash. He’s convinced.
This one’s pretty specific, but: I believe that the traffic lights in the town I live in are deliberately timed so that you will hit every red light possible. I suspect that this is done intentionally in the name of public safety, forcing you to drive slower so that when accidents happen, they aren’t as catastrophic.
I also believe that the lights are connected to sensors that are placed some distance back as you move toward them, so that when you approach at night, they can sense your approach and turn red just in time to force you to stop, even though there is no cross-traffic and no rational reason to force the stop.
I have a theory that the reason that most concerts sound so crappy (far too loud, too much bass, muddy vocals) is that the sound engineer has gone mostly deaf from cumulative exposure to too many decibels. So the engineer fiddles with the sound until it sounds good to him and possibly people in the next state over.
I also have a theory about brontosauruses if anyone wants to hear it.
Your post reminded me of 