Tippy, One Cat of Two Many Cats, has Questions for Hindfeet...um..Humans

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Hello. My name is Tippy, and I am Two Many Cats’ third cat. I was only born last Memorial Day Weekend, so I have many questions about the world and Hindfeet.

The two cats I live with who are Two Many Cats’ two cats still hiss at me just because I jump on them and bite them a lot. I am only playing! But those two cats hate me, and will not answer my questions about Hindfeet. Hindfeet is what cats call humans when humans are not around.

So I have many questions for you Hindfeet:

1 Can I jump on you, and bite you?

2 Do you get mad if you hear a cat call you a Hindfoot? Why?

3 Why do you pour water on yourself to get clean? Water is for drinking. Sometimes, splashing water is fun, but not as much as biting. Why don’t you lick yourself? Is it because you don’t have as many bones as cats and you can’t reach the stinky parts to clean them? Why don’t Hiumans lick each other then? When the west runs out of water because of the drought and climate change, will humans lick each other clean?

4 Why do you freak out when we cats bring in take out food? It’s dead or almost dead, and it’s free food! You eat dead things, don’t you?

5 What does sweet taste like?

6 Why do you eat grass and seeds and stuff besides dead things?

7 Why do you stare at lighted things for hours. Don’t you want to chase strings instead? Or bite?

8 Why do you wrap yourself in cloth? Is it because you don’t have fur? Why do you wrap yourself in cloth and complain about how hot it is?

9 What is spaying? The other two cats tell me I will find out later and laugh and hiss.

10 Can I jump on you? And bite? I like biting.

11 What is fjj
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Sorry about that, guys. Stupid cat.

2

The little critter spells well, for a cat, I’ll give her that. Funny stuff!

3

I like it. Hindfeet. Heh.

Tippy needs to learn the rules, though - pics please!

Chico, Lemuria, Nimbus and Rockitt all say hi. Rockitt and Chico will tackle you and scruff you and hold you down until you learn not to bite.

4

I am Nit Noi, my Hindfoot’s youngest kitty.

I am now 3.

Can I bite you? I still likes to bite and only Mixdenny lets me, the other Hindfeet throw things at me.

My dead things come in round things that are hard to bite. It’s the latest thing, but only the Hindfeet can open them.

Do you like dogs? They are kind of loud but if I hiss they run away.

Nit Noi

5

Yeah, sure, but if you leave your claws and teeth out we’ll have to nip you, like Mama Cat, does.

Nah - 'scool.

Secret Hindfoot knowledge. We’re not allowed to tell. Sorry.

It’s because you killed it too much. You need to leave it alive, so we can play with it, too.

OH! Sweet tastes like new grass! Try it - just nibble on the tips, where it’s fresh and green.

We would, but then our Mama Cats would nip us.

Oh - see, you’re still new at being a cat. You haven’t met Winter yet. This will all make sense when Winter comes, sometimes around Halloween.

You know about Halloween, right? All cats should know Halloween.

Secret Cat Knowledge. They can’t explain it (but between you and me - it’s no biggie, it just means you’re a grown up cat now.)

Oh, go on, give us a nibble.

6

Sure, go ahead.

Yes, you jackass, I get mad. How would you feel if I called you four-paws? I’m a person, just like you.

I do lick myself. Sometimes I lick other people, too. I haven’t had a shower since last week. I don’t know what kind of humans you’re hanging out with.

I’m cool with it. Just leave it on the pile of dead mice in the corner.

Like catnip.

Doctor’s orders.

Because sometimes there are pictures of cats on the lighted things. Videos, too! It’s the most amazing thing. You should check it out some time.

Yes.

Not sure. I once walked into a dark alley, and woke up two weeks later, in a bathtub, missing my testicles. I think it’s something like that. I got them back, though, but I had to pay an arm and a leg. Those things aren’t cheap on the black market. Anyway, I think they were mine, maybe they were someone else’s. It’s tricky to tell. And now I’m saving up for a replacement arm and a leg.

Sure, go ahead.

7

Hey, Tippy, I’m Spice Weasel’s second cat, Abomination, and I am three months old.

I don’t understand hindfeet either, but if I might make a suggestion. I find it’s easier to comprehend this new world if I neatly divide it into two separate categories:

  1. Things to bite.
  2. Things to bite later.

Hope that helps!

8

Hi Nit Noi! I know about round things! If you could open the round things yourself, would you still need Hindfeet? I mean, Humans?

Dogs? What are dogs? Are they like humans? Can I bite them?

Humans, would you trade your thumbs for claws? Do you need thumbs to open the round things?

GH jhgcvhub hfgh. Why are keyboards no fun to bite?

9

Hi, Tippy!

I’m Allie. I’m six years old, and I’ve lived with my current humans for almost five years.

As far as I can tell, they do need their thumbs to open the round things that have gooshy food in them, and I like my gooshy food, so they need to keep their thumbs.

My female human does have claws, even if she likes to have them strange colors.

Dogs have four feet and fur, like cats, but they’re weird and noisy and I don’t like them. I hiss at them. I wouldn’t try biting them if I was as little as you are, since a lot of them are a lot bigger than cats and might bite back. You could get hurt.

Any other questions for the grown-up cats?

10

Jumping is fine, but only bite if you like getting sprayed with a water bottle.

Nope, because I can call you a fuzz-butt, fuzz-butt.

We only lick each other clean if we really, really like each other.

Because if we had the heads of one of those little dead things cleaned and mounted, our neighbors would laugh at us.

11

I’m Reed, MsRobyn and Airman Doors’s third cat. I’m a little over a year old. I call MsRobyn nice lady because she is. I’m a little over a year old and nice lady took me in when I was almost a year old. I live with two other cats, Target, who is three and Bethany, who is two. I like to chase Target, but she doesn’t like it. Bethany doesn’t mind because she knows I’m just playing. The vet told nice lady that I would outgrow it, but it’s fun to tease Target.

I know my humans don’t mind if I jump on them. I’m pretty big and sometimes, I knead where I shouldn’t. They don’t mind if I nibble but if I bite too hard, nice lady knows I’ve had enough and leaves me alone for a while.

I don’t think nice lady would mind if I called her hindfoot. She calls me “Noobert”, so I know she likes to give nicknames. I think she might like a nickname, too.

The front and back doors are portals to hell, so I don’t go outside and as far as I know, there is nothing to hunt inside but bugs. I leave the bug-chasing to Bethany because she’s smaller and she can jump higher. She really likes to chase bugs.

I have no idea why nice lady washes herself in water. She smells kind of nice when she’s done, though. Sometimes, I help her by licking her.

I also have no idea what “spaying” is. I think it has to be a girl thing and I’m not a girl.

12

I like all these new friends!

I was afraid today, because one of the older cats, Flaherty, got taken away in the carrier. I tried to run out and help her, but my Human pushed me back into the house and locked the door.

I was very scared. They were gone a long time. Will Humans take me away too?

Then the Human brought Flaherty back. Yay!

The Human said Flaherty couldn’t poop and needed emergency vet because it was labor day. What is labor day? What is two hundred dollars? I don’t think Humans like either one, because my Human looked mad.

Now, I’m afraid because I bite Flaherty a lot. Did she stop pooping because I bite her? I bite my Human all the time and she poops a lot.

If you stop pooping, do you explode? Flaherty is taking poop medicine now, but if I bite her, will she pop?

I’m not afraid enough to stop biting though.

13

For some reason I think I’m going to get blamed for all the pee in the back of the closet …

14

My humans do the water thing too. The female human even lies in a container of it for long times sometimes. At least she puts stuff in the water that smells good. I stay on the edge of the container when she’s in there to guard her.

Yes, spaying is a girl thing. It happened to me. Not a nice thing. I’m told there’s a boy version.

Allie