I frequent another message board for parents. I have 4 kids, from age 2 months to 6 years, so there are a lot of issues that I find it useful to discuss with other parents.
But the whole atmosphere of the other board drives me crazy. You see we are all supposed to be supportive of each other, no matter how stupid the other person may be.
An example if I may. A woman posts that she has decided to switch her 4 month old baby from formula to regular milk. I comment that this is against all medical recommendation and could be quite dangerous for the baby. So who gets blasted? I do, for not being supportive enough and not * respecting everyone’s opinion*.
I am not going to respect an opinion that is ignorant and dangerous! By not telling her this is dangerous, I would be helping to endanger her child’s life!
It seems nothing is too wacko to be condemed. We all have to support and respect every crackpot who posts.
Any chance you could point out sometimes it’s more important to be supportive of the child?
Just curious, by “formula to regular milk” could the other poster have meant “formula to *breast * milk” or did she really mean “formula to *cow’s * milk”.
With the exception of the SDMB this is what online communities are like.
I expressed an opinion about the sword in Chamber of Secrets in a Harry Potter newsgroup (that it looked weedy, even when used by the boy Harry) It was as if I’d undone my pants and had a crap on their heads! Not a single person took my side, they were all coming up with feeble answers such as ‘it’s a magic sword, it doesn’t need to be big’
(well if it’s magic, why does it even need to be a sword at all???)
Hey, at least with child-raising there is evidence to argue about. Try hanging out on a wedding board, where everything is a matter of unsubstantiated opinion. No matter how stupid, tacky, or offensive someone’s ideas might be, any disagreement has to either be stated as tactfully and diplomatically as humanly possible, or kept to yourself. Otherwise, the mods will be on your ass.
And what is the point of a board like that if you can’t shoot down somebody’s awful idea that could endanger her baby? (Please note that I don’t know how bad this would be, but it sure doesn’t sound good.) People who’ve really supported me in different arenas haven’t hesitated to point out really bad ideas of mine. That doesn’t make them unsupportive at all.
While I don’t find this to be a universal truth, it is true in the vast majority of cases. Paricularly when the subject of the board is such a grey area as parenting. I think the reason for this is because there are so few hard facts (I pitted this recently actually) related to parenting so everyone thinks their opinion or parenting style is equally valid.
As well, the parenting boards that don’t moderate heavily toward a “equally supportive to all lifestyles/parenting choices” quickly disintegrate in a mire of bickering. I have seen groups of ladies really get down and roll around in the mud over such things as feeding choices Shoot, visit some of the more “natural parenting style” boards and just casually mention that you just got home from a vaccination appointment and watch the feeding frenzy begin!
I also think that wording of a response can be key on parenting boards. There is a big difference between 1) “Switching to milk this early can endanger your child, you incompetent moron!” and 2) “You might want to discuss that with your pediatrician first, most of what I have read says that 4 months is too early for milk.”
I am really with you on this. Even here in the pit I have posted perfectly logical and valid opinions that didn’t agree with “pit mores” and then I get attacked.
If it is like that here, I can only imagine your frustration on a less tolerant board.
At least you won’t get banned here for posting a dissenting opinion, county. Some of the other messageboards out there are like that. I know of what the OP refers, and it drives me batshit. The worst are the boards where negative opinions are deleted.
Might mean not that your opinion “wasn’t being supportive” but that your overall “tone” wasn’t. Or rather was perceived as such.
I frequent a fitness site like that, and while members are rarely censored, if they’ve got some bossy bitchy “tone” then yeah, the others will jump on them for “not being supportive”.
One person in particular who REALLY got jumped on, when she was allegedly “helping” someone analyze her meals, was basically saying “JESUS christ, of COURSE you’re plateauing, gargage in, garbage out, what’re you STUPID”??? (okay, she didn’t say those words, but her meaning was quite clear, and several dozen other members let her know it in no uncertain terms).
Not saying YOU did this, but perhaps those on your parenting site aren’t as familiar with communicating online as you are, and are seeing things as written more “harshly” than you intended.
I agree that cow’s milk for a baby under age 1 is bad.
But life threatening? Really?
I’m not arguing. I’ve just never heard that it was that serious, is all. I’ve always been under the impression that they just can’t digest it well before they hit their first birthday …
From what I know, four months is a bit early for solid food, so if the kid’s got nothing but cow’s milk to subsist on for a couple of months I’m guessing that means problems. Cow’s milk was not designed for baby humans, but for baby cows. Milk would be cheaper, but there’s got to be a way she can get help if that’s a reason for the switch.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (from their book Your Baby’s First Year), newborns can’t digest cows milk as well as formula or breast milk. In addition, the high concentrations of protein & minerals can stress the kidneys, which “can cause severe illness at times of heat stress, fever or diarrhea.” Cows milk also doesn’t have enough iron or vitamin C and can cause anemia.
So, it sounds like if your baby gets sick while being fed cow’s milk, it could be life threatening. Otherwise, it could cause serious damage.
I’m on several naming message boards. On most of them, you have to be supportive of others’ opinions. If someone wants to name her child Shithead or something equally revolting(actually one child’s name) and you point out the torture that child will go through, you can get banned.