Do you have a regular date night? If so, take turns planning what happens on date night, including what goes on in the bedroom. On his night he gets to plan the sex and you do what he wants, on your night you get to plan and he has to do what you want.
Do you ever try in the morning? One stereotype that I’ve found is somewhat true is that men want sex in the morning; women want it at night. You may be able to get him more enthusiastic at a different time.
And I’m sorry he won’t go down on you. But I have no advice.
Since you’re looking for advice, I’ll move this to our advice-giving forum, IMHO.
twickstwer, MPSIMS moderator
Actually I love cleaning and taking care of my home and family. I don’t want him to do those things. I love taking take of him. I have never refused having sex. I have always tried to give him what he needs sexually and/or emotionally. On the other side of things. I have been rejected. I have been the one that is call silly for wanting to try new things, I am the one who hide my tears after faking an orgasm for him and realizing that it will be like this forever. It’s not just not having the orgasm, it’s only having a few moments to be intimate with him. I’m thinking that will be the closest at i will get to him anymore.
I do feel that he is the one that has changed. He use to cuddle, he use to want to do foreplay and at least talk to me in a loving manner. Now its “I have an itch that I need scratched.”
That not all. He doesn’t want to go anywhere, do anything that i might enjoy. I love to walk. I love to fish, camp, bowl, play games, hike, golf, dance, socialize. He does none of that. He comes home eats, sits in his chair and falls a sleep with out a conversation.
I am willing to work hard at him. After 24 years I have too much invested in this. But really how hard to you have to work in order to get payment?!
And I do disagree with your last statement. Great sex for him is in my control. He thinks he gets that. Great sex for me is in his. A great marriage takes 2. I should know I use to have one.
one reason good for morning is that men can have higher testosterone levels in the morning, more important in middle age and older. also the physical and mental fatigue of the day hasn’t dropped a guy’s energy yet.
Get him to stop whacking off to porn. He’s so tapped out doing that, his sex drive in real life is down.
Everyone will evaluate your marriage, but chances are he is either in bad shape and not getting enough man juices flowing to want to jump you, or his main juices are flowing, but he is being satiated by something else, like the computer.
I don’t think this is a porn issue. This is a him issue. It sounds like he is just no longer interested in, well, anything. It could it be he’s just lost total interest in you, which is sad, and may mean your marriage is really in trouble. It’s also possible he’s got some medical condition that is making him utterly lazy. There are some hormonal and glandular and blood conditions that can cause this sort of lethargy. But, I think that couples counseling is in order for sure. And, if he doesn’t care enough to go through with that in order to help, and if he doesn’t care that it’s tearing you up, then it might be time to separate.
Have you adequately explained to him that you’re not satisfied? If you’re faking orgasms he may not be aware. He might think that you’re totally fine with the sex you’re getting and you’re just upset about some other random silly thing.
In my experience, just saying “Mmmm, babe, I really want to cum for you and I’m soooo close, can you please go down on me/finger me/watch me masturbate/whatever for a minute?” works wonders.
On the other hand, if he’s losing interests in lots of other things, counselling would probably be a good idea.
You say he refuses to perform oral sex now. Did he use to do it?
When you talked to him, did you ask about why he stopped? If so, what was his answer?
Disagree unless you consider any possible mental illnesses to be Not medical. He quit doing something he once did, this is a sign that something is wrong not that he just got lazy. It could be that he quit caring about her but even that it is worth knowing that is Just what is wrong.
Maybe he never enjoyed it in the first place, and now that the relationship’s older he doesn’t feel the need to continue.
Isn’t that the number one reason why women stop giving BJ’s?
Sounds like from the OP, the real issue isn’t sex, but general emotional intimacy with her partner.
+1 for the couples counselling. If he doesn’t want to go, and is not interested in changing, then it might be time for you to think about being happier on your own.
I am not honda1268’s husband, but I stopped performing oral sex when I became better educated about the disease risks. Apparently you can give your partner herpes from oral sex if you’ve ever had a cold sore, even if you don’t currently have any visible sores on your mouth! Not a risk I’m willing to take, even if it does strain the relationship slightly at times. 
So I guess if you had genital herpes, you would never have sex again?
Cite?
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Honey, no matter how much you beg, I’m not going down on you for your own sake. :rolleyes:
No it doesn’t. From the top answer:
I’m the guy with the virus in my lips, my girlfriend is the one who has never had either form of herpes. I’d like to keep it that way.
So you don’t kiss her either?
I do, but to be honest I often do feel paranoid and unpleasant about it. I prefer kissing on the neck/cheek/forehead. Being a walking biohazard sucks.
No, becaue then she couldn’t go down on him. 
(Sorry, mostly teasing but just couldn’t help it!)