Tired of...well, everything really (too long)

[BaconAndEggs]

bump Meg, are you out there?

[Sigmundex]

@Meggroll

Thank you everyone. Replies mean so much to me, more than I thought they would.

I’m a stubborn person, and I try to stick things out as much as I can. I am always determined to make things work, no matter the situation. When I moved out here, I really thought this would be different from what they turned out to be. However, I know in my heart I shouldn’t have to spend nights on the couch, and I shouldn’t have to be the only one working, and I shouldn’t have to look at the ground any time a male walks by.

I’m saving money and working on things. I just feel like I shouldn’t be working this hard, both literally and emotionally.

Boy do I hate to read something like your OP, for two reasons -

1. I was in the same kind of relationship myself, with a woman who I convinced myself I was in love with a LONG time ago, and with who I stuck it out, like you said, for WAY too long. I kept thinking a person couldn’t stay as sour, curdled, and bitter about everything forever, but she sure did. I have a very positive personality, I love to be here on this beautiful Earth, and I love people of all kinds, but she couldn’t be happy unless she was miserable.

2. I can’t stand the thought of another good person “going to waste”.

Let me know if, when you’re moving back, you’re planning on stopping by the Raleigh area.

[handsomeharry]

Any update?

[slm2955]

If you are unhappy where you are and are able to relocate, then why not move? But you obviously know your bf better than cyberspace does so if there were more positives than negatives in the relationship, you should at least try and work things out. If there were more negatives than positives, then you should leave him.

[Zsofia]

@Promethea

Seconded. This thread is so alarming to read, like reading a person saying that they are finding it really quite uncomfortable and painful at times in a house that’s on fire but that they think they’re coping quite well, considering all the smoke and flames. But you’re just going to get weaker and weaker until one day you’ll find you no longer can get out. You are in horrible trouble here, Meggroll. Please, please do exactly what Moonlitherial suggests - no scene, no explaining to boyfriend that you’re going, just GO.

I’ll be thinking of you and will look for updates to see how you’re getting on.

Seriously, this. Every single thing you’ve said about this relationship is a huge, screaming red flag to anybody on the outside. I mean, hell, I was in a crappy relationship for SIX YEARS and didn’t listen to anybody who said I should leave it, and that wasn’t even creepy and abusive like yours is, and I thought I had a handle on everything too. So I get it. But please, you have got to get out of there.

[kimera]

Straight out of college, I landed a job which was the toughest possible job one could possibly get in my field. It was said that if you survived through a year of this job, you could get into any graduate school you wanted, so great was the letter of recommendation. The job required a year contract, long hours, insane working conditions, and paid little. As it was in another country and required special equipment, it cost people a dear penny just to arrive to the first day of work. Because the conditions of the job were so harsh and it took a while to properly train people, applicants for the job needed excellent letters of recommendation, near perfect grades, experience, etc. If you took this job and backed out, it would hurt your chances of remaining in the field. We worked together in a tight knit team which meant that quitting really hurt the organization, especially since it took a person on average three months to become qualified.

Some people couldn’t take it. Sometimes they’d make it clear in the first few days, sometimes they would slowly crack, so that after months of effort, they started to break. In nearly all of the cases, the people tried to hold onto these jobs that were making them miserable. Some of them did so for that letter of recommendation, but for many, it was a matter of keeping the team going. After I’d been there a while, I counseled the ones I knew about to leave earlier rather than later. Your coworkers don’t want to see you miserable. No job, not even the very best in the field, is worth making you sick or putting you in danger. It takes a lot of guts to stick with something that isn’t what you expected it to be, but it takes even more to admit to yourself that sometimes quitting is the better option. There’s this notion in our culture that it’s a mark of failure to quit, but it’s my experience that it’s a greater mark of failure to not recognize one’s self and say, “This isn’t a good fit for me”.

I remained in contact with all of my former coworkers who lasted longer than a week. Those who stayed longer out of a sense of duty never expressed happiness that they had held on for so long. They expressed regret that they had not gotten out sooner.

If you want to stay in your job, at least leave the abusive boyfriend. I know that you have the strength to do it. I know that you aren’t weak or cowardly, and I know that he has his good parts. You aren’t a fool for loving him, and you aren’t a fool for moving so far away from home and remaining dedicated to your coworkers. Sometimes these things work out, sometimes they don’t. Take care of yourself.

[slm2955]

She’s not coming back is she?

[digs]

She tends to forget things like … us. And the threads she’s started.

Half a year after her last post here, she started a thread titled “I quit my job!!” Someone there asked her if she ever left that guy, but she never answered anyone’s questions in that thread.

Then she started one called “My new job” where she admits:
“I started a thread about how I quit my last job and then uh…kinda forgot that I had made that thread until now (I blame the wine I drank to celebrate).”

I just hope the job isn’t the only thing she quit.