Yeah, a waste of words, but damn I need to vent.

In My Humble Opinion
1

AHHH! I don’t even know where to start. I don’t even know if I can use cuss words on this page. Fuck it, fuck censorship after all.

I’m so frustrated with the way things are going on right now. I know we read so many threads about relationship but mine is one of the unusual ones, and I just need some kind of input, cause I feel like I’m going crazy.

Three months ago I moved from Illinois to California to be with my boyfriend. Originally, he was living with me for 5 months before in Illinois but he couldn’t hang. He wanted to leave and was just being an ass. I tried everything in Illinois to make him happy. I do mean everything. Everything from emotional support to buying him whatever he wanted. But nothing fully worked. IT got so bad, he rejected me for sex and everything else. So then he said if we move to California our relationship would improve and he’d treat me better because he’d be home.

Here’s a brief of our history. We met online, yeah I know what the fuck. It wasnt like we didnt have relationships or were glued to the computer, we met through a mutual friend and just started being friends. I was going through a bad break up and he just happened to be like the perfect pen pal I guess. So we friends at first, best friends at that. Then we started getting feelings for each other, and things got complicated because I wasn’t ready for a relationship since I just got out of a really serious one. And I was all fucked up from the prior relationship, and I sure did not want to start a relationship with someone who I have not met in person yet. We spoke for three years on and off. Because of how we caught feelings, I had to hide by indecencies from him and yes, I do mean I was being a wild one. But then I ended up telling him or he ended up find them out. ( I KNOW BIG MISTAKE) But he took it to the heart and couldnt understand that I didnt wanna settle down with someone I just cam with … I had tried many times to not go out and have fun by telling him if you just get a job and fly out to see me, so i can at least know you’re serious then i’ll stop being in other relationships. but for freaking three years, he didnt budge. he didnt get a job, he didnt do shit. so of course, i was like fuck him. ima go do my thing. I dont know what he expected. I worked two jobs and went to school full time, I didn’t want wait around for a guy who couldnt even get a job in three years. I had felt that he didnt care enough if he didnt want to see me. And why would I settle down for someone I just talk to thorugh the computer?
But then one day, I was like fuck it, I’m going to proactive, so in October of 2010 I bought him a ticket to Illinois, and I set up a whole new life, so we could be happy together. I got us an apartment and everything… Things were fucking great at first. He ended up being the sweet guy he said he was going to. But then after about two months he started hating me. Because of the past. Which I think is unfair, since I had gave up a lot to bring him to Illinois, and I was doing everything in my power to keep him happy. And before he came to Illinois he had promised me we were going to let of the past. But then he just went crazy. Started treating me like shit because of what I did a year ago. We weren’t even together! he started calling me names. putting me down and so forth. oh and here’s the best part he told me he was pretending to love me. so then like an idiot i tried to save our relationship by moving to California, cause asked me to. I have absolutely no family or friends here. It fucking sucks. All I have is him.

So then there’s the whole weight thing. I gained weight in our relationship. And it fucking bugs the shit out of him. But he’s fat too now. And he says he thinks of my past nd hates my guts because I’m not as pretty as I use to be, and believe it or not that shit hurts. I cant believe Im typing it. he says that he’s a fool cause he has me when I look like this when other guys had me when I looked way better. Its so bad cause when he looks at me he looks straight at my flaws. and I’m not even that fat. Good looking men still try to talk to me.

So now we’re here in California. And his family doesnt even really know me and they judge me on my looks. I’ve never had any boyfriend’s family say im unattractive. But his does, they focus on my weight and it fucking sucks. And I’m working on the weight, I’m signing up for a gym this weekend. but they dont know a thing about me and they talk shit to him and that makes him even meaner to me. I hate it so much. And its not that I want to lose weight, I’d love to have my old body back. But its the fact that I feel like I have to do it so he wont treat me like shit. Like wtf?

So other than the weight, he’s just plain mean sometimes. When I cry, he says he doesnt care cause of what I did in the past. So he pretty much does whatever he wants to do. Sometimes we’ll fight over the stupidest things ever, like I’d ask him for a kiss…and no matter what I’d do or say, he wouldnt give me one.

And when I get upset with him. He yells at me telling me to shut the fuck and he mimics me crying. The other day, I was crying and holding onto his leg ( I KNO SO PATHETIC) and he started putting my hair and head back telling me to shut the fuck.

I know this is going to sound stupid, but things are a little better than how they were Illinois. But he’s not that good to me. I feel like the only way to keep our relationship going in by being vulnerable and weak. And I hate it. I feel I’m losing myself even more everyday. Sometimes I even think I hate him and myself.

But then there are days he’s sweet but then the next he’ll go back to being a dick.

I don’t know what to do to turn around my relationship. I literally have no one here. And I’m a really outgoing person and I feel so caged in. I sacrificed so much including school and good jobs to be with him here in California. I thought that would make up for the past. But it didn’t Leaving isnt an option yet. I just needed to vent. I feel like he just uses the past as a way to get what he wants. I just don’t think its fair, we werent even together! I understand I hurt him, but it wasnt even intentional. And please before you judge me, I am an amazing girlfriend to him. I support him in all ways. And I’m always trying to change myself to please him.
I just don’t know what to do. Cause even the fact that I’m posting this, is so not me.

2

Leaving is the ONLY option. Girl, you gotta get out of there ASAP. Do you really believe things are going to get better? This guy is an emotional abuser. Leave now! Go back to IL!

3

You should totally hang in there. He’s clearly worth it. Once you stop being such a fattie his family will love you and stop talking trash to him and then everything will be perfect between you again. Don’t throw everything away just because of a few little hiccups in your relationship - do you think a better guy is just going to come clip-clopping over your bridge?

4

Hmm… join date of yesterday, only post being a thread practically designed to give the “DTMFA” crowd an aneurysm (or the more sadistic ones a hard on)…

I don’t believe you, you’re an atrocious girlfriend. You cheated on him before you even dated (that’s takes some real gall, missy) and then imprisoned him in a dank apartment in Illinois of all places. ILLINOIS, never has there been a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Then you got FAT!? Oh, the huge manatee! Er… humanity, sorry, slip of the tongue. Clearly your only option in life is ritual dedication of yourself as his eternal life servant. It is imperative you become thin, wear a chain-mail bikini at all times, and bow to his every whim. Don’t even THINK of a career other than pleasing him, unless he orders you to. It’s the only way to be safe! If you ever think about getting away from this guy, clearly, you truly are a fool with delusions of being able to ever repent for your vast, sinful actions without repaying him directly. Oh, the debt you owe unto him!

5

I think you know what to do but are afraid to do it. Just run. Run as fast as your legs can carry you. Don’t stop at go, don’t collect 100. Tell him to go eff himself and find someone else to be his fool. In addition, get help…psychologically you have been abused and will need to get through it but with someone else to guide you. Cretins like this make me want to kill, I’m too nice tho.

6

(What does “DTMFA” stand for?)

7

Dump the Mother Fucker Already.

And normally I balk at such a swift conclusion, but yeesh, DTMFA. What a shit relationship, what miserable people you both are. You need to get the hell out of there and grow some self-esteem. You’ve got a lot of work to do on yourself before you’re anywhere near ready for a relationship, because no self-respecting woman would stay with such a shitheel.

8

You’re being abused. It’s not going to get better. It’s probably going to get worse.

9

By any chance would you describe yourself as “frumpy”?

10

First, don’t ever chase a guy. Make them chase you, and if they won’t then they don’t really want you. Second, how old are you? Dump him, go home, and get yourself a college degree.

11

No, it’s not. You’re putting up with a big jerk for no discernible reason. Stop.

12

Standard advice: Please read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. You’re in an abusive relationship and the slight good times and scant good treatment he tosses your way keep you around so he can keep raining more shit on your head.

What would you tell your closest girlfriend if she confided that she was being treated this badly?

13

I snorted.

14

Me too.

15

You’ll get tired of the shit from this guy sooner or later, so why not save yourself all the trouble and aggravation and make it sooner?

All the trouble he gives you over your dating other people while you weren’t together - that is typical emotional abuser bullshit. He’s insecure and jealous, and he’s putting his problems on you - you don’t need to accept them. It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong, and even if you did, it isn’t up to him to punish you for it forever.

16

It’s only 100 now? :eek: Hard times…

17

Why is it you want to do this to yourself? Or be with a complete loser like this guy? Why the all consuming urge to please the turd?

Pack a suitcase and go back home. Don’t even leave a note. Change your number and your e-mail and forget you ever met him.

18

I agree here. there is no reason to remain. If he tracks you down, there is a little thing called a restraining order that most men hate the sound of. You have to want it though.

19

If the OP is serious, then my advice is leave, now. There’s nothing left for you in this relationship except more abuse.

That said, the OP’s story reads almost exactly like one posted not too long ago where the poster said she was stuck in Arizona or New Mexico or something. I can’t find the thread, but maybe someone with better search skills can find it.

20

This, right there, makes me want to cry. God help you, you’re going to need it, you don’t seem very well endowed with brains.

What are you unclear about, exactly? He couldn’t be arsed to get a job, in three years, so you moved to be with him? Bought him everything he wanted? Swears at you, calls you names, degrades you, pulls your hair?

If you can’t see the ocean of red flags, in your post, you totally deserve/need to be, right where you are, it’s the only way you’re going to gain the intelligence, you clearly lack, to keep this shit from happening to you again.

Leaving is out of the question? Why? Got you chained to the bed? No YMCA or women’s shelter where you are? Go to a damn church. Be sure to tell them the hair pulling story.

Grow some ovaries, or a spine. No one is going to come in and save you. It’s on you. You ignored every overt red flag in existence, and created the circumstance you find yourself.

I hope venting helped, but you’ll need more than that to get yourself out of this mess.