Good lord, man! “I think I’ll place my testicles near these rapidly rotating knives, then wank”! What do have to be smoking to have the thought even enter your head.
And how exactly would you explain it to the admitting nurse?
I really really think there are some pronouns in here that need clearing up!
meh, heard worse case scenario (Darwin award winner/runner up actually) used to get his jollies on the belt of an assembly line.
Till willy got caught and torn off. Its in the Darwin site if you dont believe it.
I’ll not contribute my own misadventures, as I don’t want them recorded anyplace but my memory. However, the blender anecdote reminded me:
An ex-manager of mine also worked on an EMS team. She relayed more than one story of men who though it was a good idea to experience some Hoover-lovin’. She also said the embarrassment of being wheeled in on a gurney cradling a vacuum under one arm was only outdone by the subsequent swelling and abrasions.
Ugh.
You should check out this column.
Oh my.
Sorry to disturb what should’ve been a…let’s say…happy thread with tails of woe. It seems (to me, anyway) that women have a much better chance of using odd ahem implements without causing damage (yow).
I mean, an orbital sander?!? If I weren’t cringing so severely at the mere thought of it, I might be jealous. 
There’s a site online which has a collection of pictures of dog toys and sex aids. The viewer is supposed to guess which is which. Most people miss at least a few.
Maybe it wasn’t clear to you, but I interpreted it as the “business end” of the sander pointed away from the user, with the housing of the sander applied to the proper area, with terrific vibrations. But I’m just guessing. 
This may be way off topic but once when I was about 14 I used some lotion that had some type of “acid” in it and thought I was going to burn off my penis and my scrotum was on fire for a few hours.
I wasn’t going to read this thread. I certainly wasn’t going to contribute. But after reading some of y’all’s.
My motorcycle. Man, I loved that motorcycle. It was a warm summer night. I was riding along the flight-line of the Airforce base I was at. Middle of nowhere. Occasional roar of jets. Hot, vibraty motorcycle between my legs. I was wearing lots of leather. My motorcycle got me off.
::goes away and dies of embarrassment::
The glass chimney to a kerosene lamp.
Another potentially embarassing trip to the ER narrowly averted.
My recent vanity thread in MPSIMS.
And a picture of SHAKES.
(Just kidding, dude. Deliberately trying to make you uncomfortable.)
Oh, yeah, forgot about that. Probably the reason why I loved the motorcycle I got to drive at 15, (in India), and why I had such a big crush on the cousin who taught me to drive it. 
Mmmmmmm… the shapely cool glass 7Up bottle…
A nail polish bottle.
I had just painted my nails and was watching tv, absentmindedly tapping the bottle against my crotch. Well, it started feeling kinda good, so I started tapping a little harder…and a few minutes later…
:eek: hol-ee COW.
I never brought myself off so good. And it was just a nail polish bottle!!
Sure. For guys, I don’t think that vibrations are enough; usually requires some kind of motion. Which just brings entirely new and unwelcome meaning to the phrases “one wrong move…” yikes
Me too. Sans sand paper, of course. I second the “Good god that thing was intense”.
The blender of a guy in Racine
Was used as a jerkoff machine
On the fiftieth stroke
The fucking thing broke
And chopped both his balls to a cream
Too late - your username gives you away…
Are you sure it wasn’t nail polish remover? Because that stuff is made specifically for getting it off.
[sub]Yeah, I hate me for it too, but some things just have to be done.[/sub]