(TMI Warning) And now for something completely different...a man with..

NO bottock(s).

Whereas the average person has two buttocks, and a few extraordinarily gifted souls may have supernumerary buttocks, well that is to say as it were, then there are people with less–who are shall we say deficient in the buttockical area and have less than two…then …

Ahem.

Seriously.

I was in the in the locker room at the gym a few weeks ago, and I couldn’t help notice this guy. He looked older, maybe sixty, and as he was walking a few yards ahead of me I could not but notice that he had no butt. Moreover there was numerous scarring there, as if it had been a botched surgical procedure.

What could have happened to the poor guy? Botched liposuction? Flesh eating bacteria? Veteran soldier or police officer who’d been shot in the line of duty?

Itc ould have been almost anything: frostbite, cancer, motorcycle accident, industrial accident, infection etc.

The reasons for removing large chunks of muscle are numerous.

To that you can add the equally numerous reasons for the removal of the nerves that supply the muscle. Without inervation the muscles atrophy. The scarring could just as easily by the results of attempts to rectify the problem as the cause of the problem.

I hate to ask this in GQ, but his name wasn’t Hank Hill by any chance was it?

No cleavage at all? Where was his anus?

Older than what, kid?

And get off my lawn!

An assless chap, you say?

My husband had the misfortune to sit upon a barbeque grill in his teens. Said grill was being used for its intended purpose at the time, as well as the unintended use of butt-warming. (Yes, alcohol was involved, both before the fire as well as after when it was used to douse the blazing buttocks)

The result is that he has a much smaller ass than normal, extensive scaring, and the word “rebeW” branded on his backside.

So his anus was just stuck on his behind and there was just flat skin around it? I’m trying to picture what that would look like. There’s gotta be pictures of someone else like this on the Internet somewhere…

The answer to that would be ginger ale in the sinuses. Ow. :wink:

I once read a story about a hunter who was bitten by a poisonous snake in Africa. His native guide knocked him out with a punch, and carved a big chunk out of his rear with a knife. I think I read that in Cooper’s Commentaries, from the gun writer Jeff Cooper.

Edit: I was right. Link:http://dvc.org.uk/jeff/jeff6_1.html

OK, call me immature, but this has me [del]giggling like a school girl[/del] laughing [del]my ass off[/del] falling out of my chair laughing.
:smiley:

I thought most men, as they approached their golden years, become afflicted with goneass. It’s why they pull their pants up to their nipples.

Yes, but surely there are still glutes.

Also, Brain Wreck, you win the thread.

[channels the subject of the thread]
You work your ass off for 32 years, you pay your bills and your taxes, and whaddya get? A buncha whippercybersnappers sit at their keyboards makin’ funna ya, that’s what! They all got asses, an I got none; ya know why? Cause they never once worked 'em off! They couldn’t take it, the flabby mouse potatoes.
[/channelling]

If you don’t know what a loon sounds like laughing, call me and I’ll let you hear.

The husband of my girlfirend’s co-worker…

:: thinks to make sure I followed that chain correctly… Right. ::

This guy is just old enough to have been in utero during the tail end of thalidomide use. He is missing a shoulder muscle and a bicep. I suppose he could just have easily been born missing gluts.

Thank you. I have been waiting around 5 years for an opportunity to use that pun and I feel quite gratified as well as indebted to the OP. This easily beats the fortuitious occasion when I met my friend Joe as he was going somewhere or other carrying a pistol…

Sweet. This is like the equivalent of slapping some dickhead in the face and hollering “Mosquito!” I wish I lived in Africa. Sorry for the hijack.

Well, older than me. But only by 11 years or so, assuming I guessed his age right.

Thanks to everyone for the replies. I’m sure Blake is close to the truth; this wasn’t just a case normal age-related glute shrinkage, but rather cat-ass-trophic gluteal trauma of some sort.

the word “rebeW” branded on his backside.
Help out an old fart here: What part of this do I understand?? :confused: