Knock-Knock
Who’s There
Interrupting Cow
Interrupting C-<MOOOOO00000OO>
Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Amy Fisher
Amy Fish BANG!!!
Q. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A. A stick!
Q. Why do fireman wear red suspenders?
A. To hold their pants up!
Q. How do you Top a car?
A. You Tep on the brake, Tupid!
Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil!
Why do I feel like light bulb questions are right around the corner?
How does an elephant hide in a bowl of M&Ms?
He paints his toenails red and yellow and orange and green and…
Q. How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
A. You can see his footprints in the butter.
Q. Why did the elephant wear red pants?
A. Because his blue ones were in the wash.
Q: What did the 0 say to the 8?
A: Nice belt!
What did one dog say to the other dog?
Nothing! Dogs can’t talk!
and now for something completely different…
A poem:
“Distant Hills”
The distant hills call to me
Their rolling waves seduce my heart.
Oh, how i want to graze in their lush valleys,
Oh, how i want to run down their green slopes.
Alas, i cannot.
Damn the electric fence!
Damn the electric fence!
Thank you.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say “banana?”
– Zilch
Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
It’s rated aaarrrrrrrr.
So, a horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks “Why the long face?”
Two guys walk into a bar,
The third one ducks.
What is it called when a cow gets an abortion?
She’s been de-calf-inated.
Two cannibals are sitting down to dinner.
One sighs heavily and says[ul]“You know, I really hate my mother-in-law.”[/ul]The other one says[ul]“So? Then just eat the vegetables.”[/ul][Rimshot]
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A’: 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.
Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That’s a hardware problem.
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; they’re all virtual, anyway.
Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!
Wow. Enright’s psychic.
[sub](MY DOCTORAL ADVISOR USED TO TELL ME THIS ONE WHEN I ARRANGED COMMITTEE MEETINGS. REMINDS ME OF HIM EVERY TIME I SEE IT.)[/sub]
Q: What’s the best time to go to the dentist?
A: At toothhurty.
A poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.
Q: When Noah was loading the Ark, where did he put the bees?
A: In the Ark-hives.
Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him?
A: Nothing. He just let out a little wine.
And one last cow joke:
Q: What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
A: Cow pi.
A skeleton walks into a bar and says to the bartender:
Give me a beer and a mop.
Q: What did the fish say when it ran into a concrete wall?
A: DAMN!
Thanks, I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress!
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, moving around in a pile of leaves?
A: Russell.
Q: What do you call a man with just half his legs?
A: Neil.
Q: Do you have Dutch Masters in a box?
A: Yes.
A’: Then let 'em out!
Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, “Hey - Nice bike! Where did you get it?”
“Well,” replies the other. "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young co-ed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says “You can have ANYTHING YOU WANT!”
“Good choice,” says the first, “her clothes wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
God is a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a sewage line through the middle of a recreation center.
There was a great deal of blood scarcity on Transylvania.
One good day, a vampire comes bathed in fresh blood.
Dripping in delight at the glance of such an orgasmic presence, a fellow vampire inquires:
Dude, where did you get such an exquisite banquet? Pray tell. We are starving here.
Sure man, do you see that wall?
Yeah.
Well, I didn’t.
Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese.
A guitarist was so Baroque, he robbed a music store and ran off with the lute. His percussionist friend took a drum and beat it.
Putting two great genres together.
What do you call a cow with no front legs?
Lean Beef
What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
Ground beef
-She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
-She thought a quarterback was a refund.
-She tripped over the cordless phone.
-She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
-She told someone to meet her at the corner of “Walk” and “Don’t Walk”.
-She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
-At the bottom of the application where is says “Sign here”, she wrote Sagittarius.
-If she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
-When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
-She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
-When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, “Look! They spelled Macy’s wrong!”.
-She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said “Concentrate”.
-Why can’t blondes take coffee breaks? They’re too hard to re-train.
-What do you call 9 blondes in a circle? A dope ring.
-Why can’t blondes be pharmacists? Because they can’t figure out how to fit
the bottle in the typewriter.
-What’s the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4 way stop.
-Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? “Toe goes in first”.
-What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios? "OH LOOK!!! Donut seeds
Where are the Andes - At the end of your wristies
What are hippies for - to hold your leggies on
Dad where are the Pyrenees ? - Dunno son, ask your mum, she puts everything away.
There was a race between lettuce, a faucet and a tomato. How did it end?
The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to catch up.