Q: Why don’t the British build computers?
A: Because they can’t figure out how to make them leak oil.
I was just thinking, I could probably single-handedly keep this thread going for days.
Hope do you keep a Doper in suspense for 24 hours?
I’ll tell you tomorrow…
It had no point.
What species of dinosaur was known to be gay?
the Mega-Sore-Ass!
I’m waiting…
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging in your bathroom?
Amir!
okay, it’s funnier if you have islamic friends 
There are a lot of folks that can’t understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA. Well, here’s the answer:
It’s very simple…nobody bothered to check the oil level. They didn’t know we were getting low.
And of course the reason for that is geographical. All the oil is in Texas, Oklahoma and Alaska.
And all the dipsticks are in Washington, DC
A duck walks into a pharmacy, and asks for Chapstick. The cashier says, “Cash or check?” and the duck says, “Just put it on my bill.”
Q: Where does an ape sleep?
A: In an apricot.
Q: What sits on your shoulder and says PIECES-OF-SEVEN?
A: A parroty error.
tee hee hee - I love bad jokes like these.
By the way … Why are mountains so bad at hide-and-seek?
Because they always peak.
Trying to keep this thread alive. Why? I don’t really know.
What did the banana say to the elephant?
Nothing, bananas can’t talk.
{hijack}Imthecowgodmoo, why haven’t you posted your picture on the Straight Dope People Pages yet? YOu need to be there!{/hijack}
Esprix
I agree, Esprix. Now back to the serious matter at hand:
Q: How do you kill a circus?
A: Go for the juggler.
Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder.
Three old ladies are walking down the street.
A flashed jumps out and opens a coat.
The first lady has a stroke.
The second lady has a stroke.
The third lady kept her hands to herself.
back to the really bad jokes…
Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
Because people are always dying to get in!
MUST…RESIST…URGE…TO…TELL…BAD…JOKES…
One day, an old man is sitting on his front porch, like he always does, when a boy walks by holding a length of wire. The old man, being the cranky kind, yells out: “Hey, kid! Where are you going with that wire?” The kid says, “This isn’t just any ol’ wire. This is chicken wire, and I’m going to catch me a chicken.” The old man laughs and says “You can’t catch chickens with wire! Stupid kid.” So the kid walks away, and later he comes walking back past the old man’s house with a chicken, it’s feet bound by the wire.
The next day, the old man sits outside again and the kid comes walking by again, this time holding a role of tape. Again the man shouts to the kid. “Hey, kid! Where are you going with that tape?” The kid answers, "This isn’t just any ol’ tape, this is duck tape, and I’m going to catch me a duck. “OK, first of all, it’s ‘duct tape,’” the old man replies, “and second, you can’t catch ducks with tape! Stupid kid.” So the kid walks away, and later he comes walking back past the old man’s house with a duck wrapped up in the tape.
The next day, the old man sits outside again and the kid comes walking by again, this time holding a stick. Once again, the old man heckles the boy. “Hey, kid! Where are you going with that stick?” “This isn’t just any ol’ stick, this is a pussy willow…” “Hold on, kid.” the old man interrupts, “Let me get my hat.”
A general practitioner, an internist, and a surgeon go duck hunting. A duck flies overhead, and the GP says, “Gee, kinda looks like a duck,” and shoots it. Another duck flies overhead, and the internist sights it. “Rule out pheasant, rule out goose, must be duck” he says, and shoots it. A third bird flies overhead. The surgeon raises his gun. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Then he looks at the others. “What was that?”
A biologist, a statistician and a mathematician are on a photo-safari in africa. They drive out on the savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.
The biologist: “Look, a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle - A white zebra! Fantastic! There are white zebras! We’ll be famous!”
The statistician: “It’s not significant. We only know there’s one white zebra.”
The mathematician: “Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white on one side.”
Q: What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind as it hits the windshield?
A: Its butt.
Ok. I guess it’s time for bug jokes, then.
What do you get if you cross a praying mantis with a termite?
A bug that says grace before eating your house.
Why was the insect kicked out of the park?
It was a litterbug.
I keep seeing an insect spinning round.
Don’t worry, it’s just a bug that’s going around.
How do you circumcise a whale?
With 4 skin divers! 
Who says, “swimming is great excercise?”
Have you ever noticed what whales look like.
Wife to Jonah: Where have you been for the last three days? And I don’t wanna hear no fish stories either.
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
To hide in the strawberry patch.
Ever see an elephant in the strawberry patch?
See how good they hide!
:::::Ducks and runs::::::::