So I feel like I am in a real pickle. I am 32 married with 2 kids (ages 2 and 4) and I live in St Louis with my wife’s side of the family. We are doing well and I have always thought it would be nice for my kids to grow up near their cousins. I moved around a lot as a kid so I never knew my cousins or extended family all that well.
I am also an attorney and I have a job opportunity in Dallas that pays more and is a seemingly better professional opportunity. I accepted the job a month ago but for fear of getig fired before I can get my house on the market, I have not told my current employer. I am not having second thoughts about the job - just what it will mean for my family. My wife is supportive but at the same time I am asking a lot of her - move from her family and friends; making her own masters program more difficult to complete; and in this economy, no job is guaranteed to work perfectly. While I am comfortable with the professional risk, I am concerned that I am being selfish and am not thinking about moving my family in a good way. What’s more, when my daughter was born she was three months premature and my wife’s family was an invaluable support network. My daughter is doing very well now but the fear of losing that support network is making this harder than I ever thought when I took the job.
This is different than other posts I have read because this decision has ripple effects on my immediate family. When do you know it is good to move away from extended family? Should I revoke my acceptance and settle down?
As a family man, I think the most important consideration is long term job security. Can you expect to keep your current job (or the gig in Dallas) long enough to see your kids graduate from college?
As an attorney, how hard is it going to be to get licensed in Texas? Can you get CLE that will count in both jurisdictions? Will the new employer cover bar dues in both states? (I assume you intend to keep your license active in both states, which can be a huge asset, or so I have heard…but at my age, the thought of another bar exam is slightly less attractive than the prospect of smashing my balls with a sledgehammer).
Does the pay increase cover any possible increased living expenses? You must include either finding another house or renting one for some time; either way, is that going to eat into your perceived pay increase? If you see definite advancement in the new place that you don’t see happening where you are, then it sounds like a move is a good idea, but the timing may just be awful. Also, plenty of expenses when you move a family, even if the cost of living is identical to where you are now.
This is a tough one, but quality of life is not tied to EXTRA money; can you guys do what you do, and do it well enough, on what you have now? If so, maybe it’d be a better idea to wait a year or two, or until a job opportunity comes by that you absolutely know is worth moving for.
The kids are so young they’ll barely remember St. Louis and will think they’re real Texans. It’s wonderful that you all have had the support you needed in the beginning, but it’s kind of like breast feeding; you get all the benefits at first and it’s not necessary to continue it indefinately. I hope that doesn’t sound cold. Of course the family will remain close and loved.
If you’re wife is on board there really are no obstacles to you continuing your career. Just make sure she really is okay with the move. She might be secretly looking forward to getting out of “the fold” and being more independent. But the old saying “If Mama ain’t happy, NOBODY’S happy” is true. It’s kind of her call so talk it over until you both feel comfortable with whatever decision is made.
Jobs come and go, good ones, not so much I think. I do agree with the small kids easier to move issue.
But I am a horrible example having been in the Military a long time and moving the family around the world when ever I needed to. I even took them to Korea for 3 years.
This. They’re not that far apart. Once you get to Texas, your sense of distance will completely change. We think nothing of driving 4-5 hours to visit someone. A 2-hour plane flight is nothing.
