Stop looking at me every time I go into or out of the bathroom! Fucking hell, I know you sit close to the shitter, but damnation, woman! Your back is to the door, mostly blocked by the cubicle wall! And yet you choose to completely turn around and look at me going in and out of the bathroom. Others have noticed it too, so I know it’s not just me. And you don’t turn around when I just walk by. Only when I open the bathroom door.
Best I can figure, you get some cheap thrill out of monitoring peoples’ bodily functions. Or you’re looking to catch someone with their fly open or still adjusting their package. Either way, stop looking at me!!! It creeps me out!!!
It’s clear that she wants you to screw her brains out, but she’s too shy to actually come out and say it.
I vote for leaving a note on her desk, with the appropriate info in it: the name of the hotel, room #, asking if she’d like a bottle of champagne, if she’s been tested, would she mind if you had your friend videotape/take pictures, an offer to buy dinner etc,.
Do the Wiener Patrol get special uniforms to wear?
Next time you see her watching you, just wave cheerily and say, “Hi, I’m going to the bathroom now! Just thought you’d like to know.” When you come out, you can say something like, “I feel much better now!” or “That was a good one!”
Seriously, is there just one bathroom for the whole area? Could it be that her own bodily functions are unpredictable enough that she feels better knowing when the bathroom is/is not available?
Walk out of the men’s room, pretend to scratch your tailpipe, and sniff your fingers (inhaling deeply… if you can make your eyes roll back into your head, all the better). Ask her if she wants a sniff.
I don’t know if this would work with your office setup, but it sounds to me like you need a Bathroom Buddy ™.
Monday morning, 10:23 a.m., you go into the bathroom. At 10:25, Johnson from Accounting goes into the bathroom. You spend ten minutes or so discussing the weather, sports, whatever, then you go back to your desk and a couple of minutes later Johnson returns to his desk. Tell him to be sure he looks furtive.
Tuesday afternoon, about 3:23, repeat.
Wednesday morning, repeat.
See how long it takes before she notices the pattern and starts acting even more strangely.
