I’m terribly unsorry that I got the promotion to Trainer that you wanted. You wouldn’t have been any good at it anyway. Before we were both up for this job we were at least friendly toward each other - I wished you good luck before your interview, and I meant it. (You needed all the luck you can get.) But sorry, I got the job and you didn’t, and since then you have not said a single nonhostile word toward me. So fuck you.
Today, when I came to your desk, I asked if this was a good time to chat, explaining to you that I was talking 1:1 with everyone in our unit because of mistakes that many people were making. I don’t know who (most of) these people are, I don’t know if you’re one of them, but I’m supposed to talk to everyone. You refused. Loudly. You will only talk to me, you shouted, if I am coming to talk about something you have done wrong. Anything else is a waste of time. I explained that I am supposed to be talking to everyone. You said that was my problem, you won’t do it. I asked you if I had offended or insulted you at some point, and offered to apologize if you would tell me what I had done. You shook your head as though to say “What an idiot!” and turned your back, ending the conversation.
Did I mention fuck you?
This is some serious bullshit. I am kinda glad that you ended the conversation, because I am a Person-Who-Cries-When-Angry, and I was (am) absolutely fucking furious with you, so I was about to start weeping, which would only have embarassed me and made you respect me even less. But guess what? You don’t have to like me; you don’t have to like my training style; but you do have to work with me. And even though I’m not your supervisor, I’m higher on the food chain than you now. If I say “I need to talk with you”, you need to put aside whatever piddly-ass thing you’re working on and fucking give me 10 minutes of your precious fucking time to go over what I’m supposed to go over, then you can take it into consideration or forget it or whatever the fuck you’re going to do with the information.
I have not. I spoke with my boss and told her what happened, but it happened only 10 minutes before she had to go so she didn’t get a chance to do anything.
I’m not sure what she will do, though. She’s fairly new to boss-dom, only been in her position a year, and I’m pretty sure she hasn’t dealt with this before.
This isn’t going away on its own. Someone needs to deal with it. DCnDC’s answer would have been a good one.
But if your boss doesn’t handle it tomorrow it will continue to escalate with her.
I spend too much time with a co-worker who has moved up to Staff. One of Thing 2’s friends got promoted. One of his people had a problem with him, but was intimidated by the HR lady. He’s like a natural Doper, but some people might find him odd, so we wondered if she had gotten a weird vibe from him. No, it turned out that he had told her to change something in her presentation. She hadn’t.
“But he’s just a mentor. I don’t need to do what he says.”
No, honey, he’s your supervisor and you do. Some people need some clarification where they reside in the food chain. Tell HR.
You have my sympathies Maggie, I’ve been in your shoes before and can testify; it sucks major ass when the situation goes sour that way with a coworker. Do what you need to do to squash the insubordination now (in a company hr approved manner of course) or it will spread to others under your trainership.
I would communicate with this person via Email and copy whatever bosses (or boss) that needs to be copied.
That way, if this person wants to get nasty with you, he can do it in full view of his supervisor.
Ignoring your Emails would also make him look bad if he chose to do so.
ETA: Be sure to “kill him with kindness” in your Emails. Do not let on that you are upset in the slightest. (Bonus: that really tends to piss them off)
This was a mistake, IMHO, and I say this as someone who’s been there, done that. I had an angry employee who shouted at me in the middle of the hall and on his last day, yelled at me, shut off his computer, and walked out, never to return.
I was told by HR that such behavior is unacceptable in an employee and I should have come to them immediately. You were doing your job. You have nothing to apologize for. HR needs to have a conversation with him about his attitude.
Sounds uncomfortable, but I wonder why the original issue would ever be addressed in such time consuming and illogical fashion. Go to EVERYONE and give them the same speech? That’s what email is for. If you’re pointing out errors, a mass email outlining the correct procedure without any blame or finger pointing is the way to go. Ending with “If there are any questions or issues with this, please send them by return email to the sender ONLY. Otherwise, your read receipt will constitute your acknowledgement of the correct procedure.”
If I was harboring a grudge against you – even if it was unfounded and unreasonable – and I saw you going from desk to desk to tell everyone the exact same thing, I’d be thinking “Really? She doesn’t have anything better to do?” It doesn’t excuse her yelling at you, but it might explain it.
Per management, after conducting a training class, I am indeed to have a 1:1 discussion of at least 15 minutes with each individual member of the class, to discuss the topic, answer any outstanding questions, and ensure they know the material. This is outlined in my job description, and everyone knows to expect it.
If I had to state the single most important thing I’ve learned about management over my last 20 years, it would be the following.
NEVER accept responsibility without the authority to back it up.
You think that being higher on the totem pole actually means anything? That made me laugh, because it usually doesn’t. I’ll bet the person who is giving you grief knows this too. Without any authority to actually punish or fire the employee, you’re a lame duck supervisor. You do not have the authority to demand things from anyone, and if you try it will probably blow up in your face, like it did in the OP.
HR will usually give no fucks over two employee squabbling, I wouldn’t even bother with them. Here’s what you have the real authority to do. You can escalate this with your own manager. If, and only if, your boss feels that it’s a big deal, something MIGHT happen. Maybe. That’s it. That’s all you can do. If you think that sucks, I agree, and I advise you to read the bolded sentence of my post again.
This actually sounds pretty standard, especially moving into a new position in a department where there might be problems. Spend 15 minutes 1:1 with everyone to get their perspective on their role, and any issues they see with the team, what they’d like to prioritize for training, and so on. Call it fact finding. (I see Maggie has clarified that this is also SOP after a training class. I’d use it for both.) In a role as trainer, it’s helpful to know what training needs to happen.
Maggie given that this person refused to participate in a required activity, I would make one more attempt to schedule time with her (?). Do it over email, so it’s in writing, and you can clarify exactly why you are talking to her. From that point, if she refuses, it’s documented. Work with HR and your boss from there. She’ll need to play along or move along.
Also, you have made your attempt to make nice and get along. This person will not be your friend. Operate strictly professionally from this point forward. No more overtures. You’ll just get kicked in the teeth.
Sorry this happened. People are assholes. In the spirit of the OP, fuck that person!
I’ve been in a position similar to Maggie’s; got tapped for a new quality control position in addition to my data entry duties. The occasional data entry document would be rerouted to me for proofreading then forwarded to recording if correct or returned to the data entry clerk for correction with a copy to the supervisor.
The departmental fussbudget, a data entry clerk, did not like this one bit. She tried going off on me but I was all polite and “just doing what I’m told”. Then she threatened to go to everyone from the union to the commissioner. I shrugged.
I’m so glad to be out of that department!
The departmental fussbudget was also the departmental layabout (still is, AFAIK), spending more time on the phone and trying to work out what lottery numbers would come up next than on actual work. That she actually noticed something had been sent back for correction was a bit of a surprise.
I work in HR and we actually do give some fucks about two employees squabbling. Especially if it’s preventing one or more of them from doing their job and it’s something everyone else in the office can observe. My company has issued formal warnings to employees for unprofessional behavior. Maggie Ocelot is right. That is some bullshit behavior and while I don’t think a formal warning is warranted at this point he or she certainly needs a Come to Jesus speech from their supervisor/manager.
You will notice that I totally used the weasel word “usually” in my statement about HR giving no fucks, and I’ll stand by that. HR is not your friend, they are there to protect the business, not you. Occasionally, they do protect the business and you at the same time, but I have found that pretty fucking rare. Even you agree that this is a slap-on-the-wrist type of offense, which does not warrant a formal warning, so I doubt HR will help here.
This sums up my problem here with the OP.
No, he does NOT need to put aside whatever he’s doing because someone who is not his direct manager wants to go on a power trip, no matter their place on the food chain. You are taking this too personally. If you can’t handle an co-worker pushing back without getting “absolutely fucking furious” to the point of tears, you are in the wrong job.
