Wow, that’s a lot of ellipses.
On one hand, it is deplorable that children are taken to * From Hell* and ** Halloween**.
OTOH, I went to the movies when I was a little girl, I remember going to see ** Ghostbusters** and Footloose. I am also told that i was dancing up and down the aisle during * Footloose* I am not advocating total freedom for all small children, although i just wish there was a better way to keep small kids out of generally disturbing movies.
If I go to a showtime at 2 in the afternoon for a movie rated PG or less, I expect there to be kids in the theater. Kids.
But not babies. Children under a certain age, maybe 3, have no business being in any movie theater. They cry, they scream, their moron parents refuse to take them out. That is unacceptable. Theaters should throw them out.
pkbites, I agree with everything you said except the above point. If someone invites me AND my children to a wedding, I will make sure that they really WANT my children there, and they haven’t been invited for politeness sake. If they want my kids there, then the kids will stay until I choose to leave.
It doesn’t mean I let them run riot. Of course I make sure they are behaving themselves and not being annoying to other guests. But the bride and groom wanted them there, and its their day, so I will abide by their wishes.
There’s the wedding, and then there’s the reception. Inviting someone to the wedding, an affair in the middle of the day, it might be presumed that in order for some people to attend their children will have to come along. The reception is another matter entirely.
Receptions are for adults. They run late into the night. There’s alcohol there. There’s a DJ or a band. There’s a dance floor. Kids have no place at a wedding reception. The reception is a big party designed to entertain adults. The poster you are disagreeing with was talking about a specific incident, kids on the dance floor of the reception at 11pm. You wouldn’t take kids to the office New Year’s Party or Christmas party, why take them to a reception?
Well, weddings are a really unique kind of community party. They function as all-purpose reunions- family reunions, high school reunions, college reunions. Most people want to see their neices and nephews or meet their old friend’s first baby, and it is healthy for children to participate in our culture’s rituals and experience multi-generational socialization.
Hey, I support child-free weddings if that’s what the bride and groom wanna do, but I’ve never actually been invited to one (My father’s second marriage was child-free, so I probably should have been the token child there, but I wasn’t. What an ass he is.) Of course, I am still reeling from the crushing discoveries that the chicken dance is not performed at every wedding and that old ladies do not bring trays of home-made cookies to every wedding.
Babies at movies suck. Little kids at movies too dark or scary for them suck.
Well, it seems we have a new “kids czar” on the boards. Here’s an idea. Why don’t we let the bride and groom decide? Are you worried they’re not as bitter – I mean intelligent – as you?
Right, got it. I’ll tell my friend that him dancing at the reception with his new wife and his new children (hers from a previous relationship) at midnight was a really bad idea. Those kids outlasted my husband and I, by the way, as we were heading out the door at the time. If the people having the wedding are sufficiently close to those kids, I don’t see a problem with letting the kids party until they tire out or until the parents think they’ve had enough - weddings are celebrations of new families, and if the children were invited to the reception, they should be able celebrate too. It’s not like these children are being allowed to stay up late every night.
Movies, on the other hand, have many options for dates and times which you can attend, so that people with children should consider time appropriate to their child’s bedtime. Movies also have issues of content that go far beyond (gasp) drinking and dancing, and an expectation that people will be silent.
Another consideration is parents who badly need the night out and have gone through the trouble of finding a baby-sitter so that they can get some R&R from their little darlings at an adult movie only to have it totally ruined because somebody else doesn’t have the common sense not to bring their screaming child(ren) to a movie at which they don’t belong!
When people have children, they need a break from them once in a while (it cuts down on the infanticide) and having people stupid enough to think that children should be allowed anywhere insures they can never really count on it. I have one daughter. If my husband and I couldn’t get someone to watch her for a couple of hours, we stayed home (or took her out with us to an appropriate place).
Wow–and here I always thought seeing kids all dressed up running around, dancing, and being excited about spending time with their extended families was one of the best parts of the reception.
Well, the reason people invite others to their wedding ceremony and follow it up with a reception is to share the big day with their nearest and dearest. My husband and I enjoy the company of kids, so our nephews/cousins/friend’s kids are among our nearest and dearest (also, said nephews and cousins happen to be among the most amazing and interesting people on the planet. Dynamic little pre-Dopers, that’s what they are. Each one a mini-Cecil, yet huggable). For people who don’t like kids- that’s not their nearest and dearest.
Still, I keep imagining being five or eight or twelve years old and being excluded from the wedding of a parent, sibling, aunt, or uncle. How is a kid supposed to feel like a valuable member of the family being excluded from a ritual like that? How is a kid going to learn social skills being banished to home and school, parents and chronological peers?
Sorry, bella, those are human emotions you’re feeling.
Obviously, RexDart crash-landed on Earth after the tragic destruction of his home world Krypton.
Growing up a super-baby seems to have poisoned his respect for normal human beings and the difficulties of raising children.
I thought this hijack was kind of interesting, so I started an IMHO poll- **should children be invited to weddings[/]. Hey, I respect **Rexdart[/] and pkbite’s opinions- if they do not like the company of children, they are seriously making the best choice for everyone concerned by not seeking them out.
To move a little bit back on topic, owl, your friend is in a terrible situation, but there will be fewer limits on her freedom every year. Until then, instead of taking the baby to a place where the baby won’t be able to cry and fuss and coo and just be a baby without disturbing others, why don’t you be that most desirable, appreciated, and beloved of all friends- the dependable, occasional babysitter?
Uh, that would be the most desirable, appreciated, and beloved of all creatures except for those darling mods who have the ability to fix my crappy coding. Please?
Whoa, there’s a difference between a movie theater/restaurant/concert and a wedding reception. The wedding is a social gathering, a party. The purpose of it is to interact with the other people there. Also, as others have pointed out, it’s up to the hosts to decide whether children are invited, and if they are, the other guests have no right to complain. (Parents of children who were NOT invited that bring them anyway, however, may be shot on sight.) If the kids are being disruptive (tripping people on the dance floor, being loud at inappropriate times, etc.), then their parents need to control them, of course, same as they would be disciplined (one hopes) for misbehaving anywhere else. But if they were invited, then they have every right to attend.
At the movies, however, the purpose is to view/hear the entertainment for which one has paid. You don’t buy a movie ticket so you can socialize with the other patrons. (Well, some people apparently do, and they also may be shot on sight.) A baby or toddler has no business at an adult-themed movie, and is likely to disrupt the experience for others.
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Still, I keep imagining being five or eight or twelve years old and being excluded from the wedding of a parent, sibling, aunt, or uncle. How is a kid supposed to feel like a valuable member of the family being excluded from a ritual like that? How is a kid going to learn social skills being banished to home and school, parents and chronological peers?
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For member of the immediate family, I can see this. However, as a child I understood that some social events are for adults only. And if a relative wants to have a child-free wedding, that’s their business. Guests are also free to decline the invitation for the whole family if they feel slighted by this. Kids need to learn that they don’t get to go to every party that comes along, and that adults like to have adult-only time. A wedding is a one-time event. There’s always Christmas, birthdays, backyard barbecues, etc., for the kids to see the family. Missing one wedding won’t alienate them from society.
Scarlett I feel I must strongly disagree w/your admonition that “people who bring uninvited children should be shot on sight”.
That’d leave the kids there without even that little bit of supervision :eek:
Oh definately, Scarlett (note: I dropped the coding for everybody’s benefit.), it is the bride and groom’s perogative, there is no excuse for taking your children if they are not invited, and as far as I’m concerned it would be extrodinarily rude to stay home in a snit if the darlings were excluded. I believe that children should be included, but it’s in the same way that I believe that everyone should prefer Guiness to Coors Lights- I wouldn’t dream of forcing Guiness on the piss-water preferers.
The alienation from society would come from being excluded from all weddings, or certain weddings (I’ve already mentioned not being at my father’s second wedding), not dad’s second cousin’s wedding, or mom’s college roommate’s wedding.
Yeah, a wedding reception is a totally different deal. First of all, its not supposed to be quiet, like a movie theater or nice restaurant is. Plus its a family affair, so it would be wierd if the whole family isn’t there. If you’re going to invite the alcoholic uncle no one likes or even mentions except just before Christmas when they’re buying cards, then surely you should invite the kids. Most wedding ceremonies are only 15 or so minutes long.
I’ll never get married, but if I were, I’d expect my friends who have children to bring their children to the wedding. If only because that’s the only way they could go.
OOCC, when my sister and I were children, my parents still had a life: if they wanted to go somewhere for grown-up, we were watched by an aunt or a cousin. There were many places suitable for children to which we all went.
But, yes, your friend’s life is going to change dramatically because she’s now responsible for another human being, and that responsibility takes precedence over anything else.
Rex: I am sure your parents had a hell of a life, being bound by your infantness and lost all fun they could’ve ever had. I’m sure they’re sorry they had you…:rolleyes: