You know, if anything, I think I’m a lot more pissed about this than DrJ is.
Before this, I simply thought his coworkers/friends were rather boring and talked about the hospital far more than any sane person would want to on a social outing. I was perfectly content to get ready for the party, then go to work and haul 80 pound incontinent paraplegic dogs around all night, then come home and snork up any leftover pizza, trust me.
Now, however, they have committed one of the cardinal sins of dealing with the CatLady. Well, actually, they’ve committed two. First off, they said they were coming, then didn’t show or call. That drives me absolutely insane. Maybes are one thing, deliberately blowing someone off is inexcusable. You want to make me absolutely froth at the mouth, do just exactly that. Tell me to fuck off if you don’t want to come, but don’t jerk me around.
Secondly, and far, far worse, they messed with someone I love. They disrespected and hurt my husband, and that shit simply will not stand. Treating me this way would piss me off royally, but doing it to somebody I love has earned them nuclear warhead level wrath. They’ve got long-term, if not permanent, places on my shit list over this.
As you might be able to tell, I’m having a hard time staying out of this. This is between him and them, but I really, really, really want to give every last one of them a blistering earful before sending the cat around to torture them to death.
I had this happen once, but it was my own fault; I changed the date. Now, I did this to accomodate the people saying, “Oh, if only it were some other time, we would love to come.” I should have known they were lying.
My sister, Autumn*, and her husband throw a large Halloween party every year, and this last year, one person she invited said yes, he would come initially, then changed his mind at the last minute, claiming he had to get a haircut. She was so mad, it’s ruined their friendship.
Autumn and I have discussed this at length, because we just can’t understand what goes through people’s minds. If you don’t want to come to the party, just say no. No big deal. You won’t hurt my feelings. You don’t even have to have an excuse. Just say, “Thank you for the invitation, but I can’t make it.” Simple and elegant, and Miss Manners approved. Don’t tell me you’ll be there and blow me off; that’s far more hurtful. Unless that was your point. I don’t know. I just don’t get it.
I love the idea of not telling people where the party is, but I bet you still have some no-shows.
We had people do this at our wedding too. Our wedding was on a Saturday afternoon. We had people tell us at our jobs that they were looking forward to it and would see us tomorrow and then not show up. When we were back at work after the honeymoon, they acted as if nothing had happened. Weird.
DoctorJ, we are all expecting a follow-up post telling us about what happened at work today.
I invited 10 girls to my 13th birthday sleepover. No one came. And my mom is one of those people who overprepares for parties on an absurd level. So I was left with an empty house full of enough food to feed a whole football team, sobbing in the kitchen. Our house didn’t host another proper “party” until this past New Year’s Eve, ten years after the big non-event.
I threw a few of these-we called them “Mary Tyler Moore Parties” in honor of her famous party failures (yeah, I’m old). Cured me of throwing (or pretty much attending) parties-far too much anxiety involved. Now I’ve embraced coccooning, and I’m quite content with it.
Sorry, **Dr. J. ** That really, really sucks, and I totally feel your pain, as well as the wrath of CrazyCatLady. You definately don’t deserve such rudeness.
By the time I arrived at work this morning, the decree had already gone out o’er the land that Dr. J was pissed (largely by way of the people I had already called and verbally bitch-slapped).
There were attempts at apologies, and I think everyone did actually feel really bad. Good. I want them to feel really bad. I yelled at the ones I hadn’t had a chance to yell at yet, and a bit more at the ones I already had, and told them I didn’t want to hear any of their shit.
It was a shitty day, anyway. I was busy and didn’t feel like doing anything, but for the first time all year, every single one of my clinic patients showed up. I couldn’t get any of my patients out of the hospital. And, to top it all off, even though I took an extra cross-cover Sunday for next year to prevent myself from getting the single date of January 4, since my best friend from med school is getting married back in KY on the 3rd, guess what one of my five dates was?
Like Tony Soprano said, I feel like King Midas in reverse: everything I touch turns to shit. I’m just tired of feeling anything.
DoctorJ, it won’t last forever. It just feels like it.
AEQUANIMITAS
Thou must be like a promontory of the sea, against which, though the waves beat continually, yet it both itself stands, and about it are those swelling waves stilled and quieted.
DoctorJ:
For it is written, “The souls of all these party-goers belong to me.”
“Master … what could POSSIBLY go wrong.”
Ah, so Jack Chick is prophetic after all!
Seriously, sorry to hear about your party. Are all your friends Chick-conversant? If not, the flyer might have looked like an invitation to some sort of metalhead ball.
Why do people keep getting surprised when they find out that man is a fundamentally untrustworthy species that has finally succeeded in creating for himself a culture in which he need not concern himself with such formalities as notification of non-attendance?
The better question is that in light of this fact, why do people still object to my policy of destroying humanity?
What a terribly shitty thing to happen to you, DrJ. It must be tough not to take it personally.
I typically have one or two parties at home every year but the hours before each occasion are always a nerve-wracking time. I hate waiting for people to show. (Which is why I always co-opt three or four friends to help out with the party preparation, so no one arrives to an deserted party.)
You know, every time I read one of Heinlein’s later novels and a character starts grousing about the decline of courtesy, it strikes me at first as just Heinlein being a bitter old man resentful of the free spirit of modern society.
Then I start to notice just how badly common courtesy has eroded just in the past 25 years and realize that he was right.
My momma raised me right, thank Og. If I ever confirmed attendance at an event and then just blew it off, I wouldn’t be able to face the host ever again. I think I’d move just to avoid that happening.
Sorry this happened to you, DrJ. Next time, kidnap their kids or cats and ransom them for attendance.
Amen, Doctor J. This is pretty much me, and I am not a doctor, nor, I hope, a fucking ingrate. ( I am, however, a Maroon, and proud of it too.)
I live with a fear that if I threw a party and somebody actually showed up, I would be aghast. Aghast, I tell you. Sharing my nachos would be a challenge.
The only regulars for our parties are the inlaws. Three hours of sipping coffee, eating german pastries - ugh- and brain dead chit chat that is the exact same brain dead chit chat from the last…oh…10 years. To paraphrase Yogi “It’s Ground Hog’s Day all over again.”
Anyone who does an actual invite and is clever enough to do a Jack Chick invite, I would be the first one there and bring a bottle of the good stuff. [size=1] The Good Stuff being over the $10 a bottle range. I pull out all the stops for my friends )
Sadly, I’ve discovered that the only reasons people get together now are either weddings, funerals, other assorted gift-giving events and the dreaded home parties. Fuckers.
CrazyCatLady you are a gem to help with cleaning up for this shindig.
I feel your pain man, I too have the worst luck throwing parties. Before I fled Anchorage me and another homebrewing friend had had the idea of throwing a “home brew” party every two or three weeks or so, about the same frequency that one of us would have a new beer ready. We’d invite a dozen people, tempt them with offers of 20 gallons of free beer and could still never get more than one or two people to commit. At first we thought maybe it was people being nervy about drinking home made beer. That theory was blown at his wedding reception when we had about 25 gallons of homebrew on draught in addition to the more familar bottled stuff, every beer drinker there (there were about 150 guests total IIRC, some of them were the same people we tried to get to come to our other parites) raved about how good the beer on tap was. I’ve recieved similar accolades everytime I lug a keg or two to someone elses party, or Og forbid have actually gotten people over. No matter how much lead time we gave people, no matter if it was at my place or his, we only once managed to get more than two other people to show up. Half the time it was just the two of us sitting around drinking and brewing for 4 or 5 hours waiting for the people we invited to come drink free beer (confirmed and maybe’s) to either show up or at least call. Most of the time after we’d gotten good and drunk we’d call and badger all of our friends about not being there, to no avail.
Now another buddy of mine back in Anchorage has the opposite problem. Parties just sorta happen at his place indepently of any plans he has. Friends and aquaintences just show up to see if anything is going on and pretty soon a party has broken out. Of course his planned parties are the stuff of legends, and there are always more people than he invites. After a whlie I just gave up throwing my own parties and supported his by bringing a keg or two of beer with me.
Best as I can figure some people, like myself, keep their home in such a way as to make larger groups of people uncomfortable. People are very comfortable at my place in small numbers, like one or two guests. They’ll kick back on the couch, play with my stuff and raid the fridge, it’s all good cuz they’re friends. Get more than 3-4 guests inside, even if they’re all close friends of mine and each other, and everyone acts all awkward and stuff, it’s weird. Things were the same way at my homebrewing friend’s place too. **DoctorJ ** it sounds like your place is the same way, for whatever reason.
Come to think of it, I’ve always been that way. Even as a kid friends almost never came over to my parents house to play in my room or whatever. I always ended up at someone else’s house. I wonder if it’s a genetic trait or something, like maybe some of us just send off weird vibes about our living space that make groups wary or something.
<<“Come to think of it, I’ve always been that way. Even as a kid friends almost never came over to my parents house to play in my room or whatever. I always ended up at someone else’s house. I wonder if it’s a genetic trait or something, like maybe some of us just send off weird vibes about our living space that make groups wary or something”>>
Maybe there is something to Feng Shui after all.
Hmm … it’s true ! Houses have definite vibes. My old house, though awesome, couldn’t entertain more than five or six people comfortably and if it reached that number people would leave, so people just didn’t come if we told them it was a “party.” We never had more than ten people in it. But at our NEW place (which is much less conveniently located) people do come because of the floor plan, I’m convinced - in two months we have had dozens of people in it, several times. (For some reason it’s been a good season for parties around these parts.)
It obviously isn’t about us. It’s the house.
And my friends down the road (same crowd, pretty much) can’t throw a bad party: if there are between four and thirty people in their place, it’s a blast. So I say: either move, or have only small gatherings. Or find a friend with a good party house and have your parties there.
The Bag Licking Ceremony is a little known follow-up to the White Coat Ceremony performed at the Norman Rockwell School of Archetypes. Each medical student receives their “little black bag” which they are encouraged to ‘lick’ to claim ownership.
