To the person who read my LiveJournal...

WTF was I thinking seems to sum up everything very well.
This is exactly why I was so upset that someone from here had read the LJ in the first place. I wanted to protect him. Even if things don’t work out, I’ll keep protecting him.

just an honest question from my own experience, hardy.

would he do the same for you?

best of luck with everything. I’m so happy to be out of tangled webs.

jarbaby

**jazzmine[/]

If you think YOU had a hard time figuring it out, imagine my daughter’s friend!

Ooooooooh boy. Define “work out.” Would this be the scenario where his wife dies suddenly and painlessly in a freak bus accident, or by a lightning strike, without her or anyone else knowing the truth, thereby making him “free”?

There is no “work out,” as far as I can tell.

I’m just not real keen on marital infidelity. And no, folks, I’m not dumping on those of you who have open marriages and your partner’s blessing to pursue others.

I’m not going to go into this here–I’ve read better points than I could even hope to make expressed beautifully in MPSIMS and other fora where people expressed their anguish over falling for someone married. But I will say this much: I don’t know what possessed you to talk so much about this relationship as opposed to keeping a lid on the whole thing. Not just identities, but the entire lovefest. I’m sorry to know that it’s not the beautiful thing you’ve been describing.

Well, that’s nice. BUT: you skipped right the fuck on over my questions, and then tell us again how you are going to protect this loser.

He’s MARRIED. He swore vows. If he can’t keep them to his wife, why do you think he would be any better with you? He has CHILDREN. He is lying to them also. He is hiding this relationship. Is he ashamed of it? Or afraid of the consequences of his actions?

Are you knowingly being a home wrecker? Why are you proud of that?

Hardygrrl, you don’t seem to get the point here. I’m not asking these questions because I’m super nosy [sub](ok, maybe I am)[/sub], but because you have spewed this crap all over lately, and it makes me wonder.

Ok.

First off I am speaking for myself here. I knew he was married from the get go. He never hid that fact from me so I knew what I was getting into when things went from friendly to more than friendly. I thought it was just a flirt thing and nothing more. Things changed between us. We click on a lot of levels. Granted that doesn’t justify how things blew up or me endlessly talking about him here.

It’s a lot easier for me to talk about the good parts and not the bad parts here. He made me feel good about myself and I wanted to share it.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned here but I did on Fathom about how torn I was, how much I cried about the whole situation,how much it hurt me not to be able to be with him without hurting other people.

I know I’ve been all sunshine and lollipops here, but trust me, sometimes the pain overrides the pleasure.

Sometimes I wish he had never emailed me. That we didn’t have so much in common. It would make things a lot easier for everybody.
I can’t speak for him and wouldn’t presume to. I should have just cut it off before.

Well there’s always now for cutting it off. What a jerk he is for ‘letting his little lady protect him’. What kind of dickhead is that? Beleive me, you think he’s gonna leave the little wifey for you then you better get your damn head out of the sand and wash your face cause it just ain’t gonna happen. He’s having a little cake on the side and will continue to do so until A) he either gets tired of you, or B) you get fed up with his shit and tell him to take a hike.
How do I know these words of wisdom? Cause I was just as big a fool as you, maybe worse. Take these words of experience, tell him to kiss your butt and then you get out and find someone that is free and clear. You ain’t a child, you know exactly what you are doing. He is not the knight in shining armour that you have painted in your head. Can you imagine how many other men in the world you would have just as much in common with if they weren’t married, weren’t engaged, weren’t dating someone, didn’t have one foot in the grave, or were young enough to be your son/old enough to be your dad? Somewhere in that range is someone that is NOT married and will fit the bill. You just wasting your time right now and life is too too short to do that.

Disgraceful.

He is married? You call him stinypaws to keep his identity a secret?

Where to even start…

You are quite obviously a child, he , it would appear is an adult with children and responsibilities.

Back the fuck away from that!

He has CHILDREN! You think if ‘things work out’ they will ever EVER forgive you? They will call you : “the whore that ruined my life”. Shame on you.

SHAME ON YOU!

Imagine her pain as she smells another woman on her husband, as she senses his withdrawl from her, as you take him from his children.

And you com ein here to whine because you put this in a live journal??? How fucking old are you? is SP your teacher in junior high???

Here is a peice of wisdom that will serve you well: You marry a man who cheated on his wife, you GET a man who cheats on his wife!

Stealing a married man from his family… you must be SO proud! I hope your friends know what a home wrecker you are… dont be suprised if you have NO friends in the near future.

Hell, I wouldnt want an immature, immoral, selfish, shortsighted, silly, father stealing whore in my home, but thats just MHO.

Read this thread, think about it, change your ways little girl, you can hurt people living your life as if you are the center of the fucking universe, you can hurt innocent children!

If he and she arent happy, get some fucking counselling, you have kids for the love of god! GROW THE FUCK UP!!!

Just previewed hte thread and saw your reply, Oh, that changes everything - NOT!!! You KNOW this is wrong, so ...um.... I dont know.... *stop*?

I was a “home-wrecker” once, many years ago while I was living in Hawaii.

The husband was in the Navy and away on deployment. We dated for over seven months. I loved her more than any woman I’d ever been with (then or since, in fact). She claimed she loved me too.

I made all the same rationalizations hardygrrl’s probably making right now: the marriage was a mistake, she and I really belong together, the husband’s an asshole, this can’t be wrong because we’re soooo in love, etc. I don’t know who we thought we were fooling, because we both certainly knew better.

I kept urging her to divorce; she kept telling me that’s what she wanted, while never taking the least step toward that end. And all the while I was suffering the standard indignities:

  1. Had to park my car 'way up the street from her house so the neighbors wouldn’t talk.
  2. Couldn’t answer her phone for her.
  3. Couldn’t be together in public anywhere near her home.
  4. Stood by helplessly when she went to meet her husband at one of his ship’s ports of call.

In the end, of course, she not only didn’t leave him (for me, at least), but went on to have two more children with him.

It’s the one thing in my life I’m most embarrassed by and ashamed of. In retrospect I can’t believe I was simultaneously such a creep and such an idiot.

But I at least have the defense that I was a naive, inexperienced 25-year-old at the time. hardygrrl doesn’t have that excuse.

I’ve known who SP is for some time now, but it wasn’t until this thread I realized he’s married. Fond of you as I am, Tanya, I am aghast and astonished you’d do anything this foolish. It will come to no good. It can only come to no good.

Which is what we told you a month and a half ago. And you and he said you were going to.

Sheesh! I manage to give SOUND advice for once and you ignore it after promising to be a good girl! You’d think you were my REAL daughter!

Yeah, it’s humbling to come to that realization. :frowning:

“He made me feel good about myself and I wanted to share it.”
The fact that you felt good about being an online mistress confounds and saddens me. Every time I think of all the sincere {cyberhugs} you’ve gotten wishing you well and hoping things would eventually work out for you crazy star-crossed lovers, I get a chill. You’re just a 31-year-old little girl who only cares what people can do for her. This guy made you feel good because he flatters you, your “fuck buddy” made you feel good because he took care of your carnal needs (too bad he wants more than that now), the SDMBers made you feel good when you complained about your romantic woes and they responded with wishes of good luck.

The moment you actually stop to think about what you’re in the middle of - I mean REALLY think about it - you’re going to be in for a rude awakening. Can you live with the knowledge that you’re partially responsible for the humiliation of his wife when she finds out he cheated (yes, I consider cybersex cheating), the disgust from his parents that he’d put his own horniness before their grandchild’s feelings, the patronizing sympathy from his wife’s family and friends, the stunned reaction from his friends that he’d be such a cheeseball, his horror at realizing he broke his family apart just for the opportunity to have a little something extra, and let’s not forget the knowing looks from all of your friends that you constantly accuse of making bad decisions.

Yep, the two of you are in for a boatload of emotions, too bad none of them are good.

Hope everything works out!

The nice thing about having been “simultaneously such a creep and such an idiot” is that I can hand out sage advice while letting the rest of you kick her ass. Which does need kicking; don’t get me wrong.

ultress

I know you’re right. Deep down I know.

kellibelli

You can’t beat me up anymore than I do to myself.

Fiver

You said everything I’ve been thinking and feeling so perfectly. I feel like a loser for this. I know I come across all hardcore here, but I have been doing everything you talk about, especially the rationaliztions or as another Doper put it " try to explain your way out of a paper bag. " Patrick, you were right.

Dropzone

Thanks for posting the Fathom link. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you and the rest of the Fathon people. At least that link shows how this has been for me.

It’s over now. We emailed, I cried and it’s over. I can’t live like this anymore and it took several big slaps in the face to realize it.

Kelli, I’ve missed seeing you around! Glad you stopped in. :wink:
Desmonkey, good post there. Too bad she won’t get much out of it. Oxygen deprivation does that to a person. Maybe once she gets her head out of that sand [sub]and that is putting it nicely[/sub] she will realize what she is doing.

And to her Stinky Paws: (Great OM! That name sucks) You are a creep of the lowest degree. I hope you have a very expensive divorce. Your wife deserves better.

Read the Fathom link. This has not been all sunshine and lollipops,despite what I’ve said here. I’ve been through a lot of conflicting emotions and so has he.

My IRL friends, well put it this way, my cell phone battery is dead. So far, no “I told you so’s” there. I even talked to FB. We settled things a while ago and decided to be friends.

You’re right. I depend too much on others to fufill my needs.
But anyways, it’s over. We ended it,for good this time. We’re hurting each other way too much. Like I said before, I can’t live like this. He needs to work on his marriage without outside distractions and I need to find someone who’s available.

Please make it so this time. I’ve fucked up my own life often enough I hate to see people I like doing it, too.

And I’d offer my shoulder to cry on except I’m married with children and it just seems like a REALLY bad idea. :wink:

**Guest Moderator’s Notes:**I’m closing this thread because it:
[list=a]
[li] has gone on long enough[/li][li] is a fight dragged here from elsewhere[/li][li] is getting way too personal[/li][li] has been requested closed earlier by the topic starter[/li][li] concerns too many people not members of the SDMB[/li][li] has too much piling on for even the Pit[/li][/list=a]
Chose any number of the six above as my reasons for closing it. And we’ll thank you folks to not drag outside fights to the SDMB. We have more than enough original scuffles to police. Thank you.