To the stupid bitch who ruined Fahrenheit 911

The BBQ Pit
41

Two movies come to mind when I think of talkers:
Austin Powers 3- Lady in front of me repeats every bad joke in the movie right after it’s told.
Like a fucking echo, the whole movie.

The Messenger- 2 guys and a girl behind me talking loudly during the first ten minutes.
I shoosh them once, they ignore me. I shoosh them again and I get:
“What?! You talking to me? You gonna shoosh me? You wanna fight? Do ya, cracker? Do ya?”

To which I responded bravely by slumping into my seat.
Only saving grace is that both movies would have sucked anyway. And the Messenger was a free screening.

42

blowero, the same thing happened to us! We had an “uh-huh” woman in front of us, too. After every salient point (or every thirty seconds, whichever came first), it was “mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.” It’s like these people aren’t content to agree with the movie, they have to let everyone else know they agree with it, too. Her friend/husband/date/whatever must have been used to it, though, because I’m surprised he/she/it didn’t give her a sharp poke in the ribs with their elbow after the first couple. I would have if she’d been with me. :wally

43

I went to go see Castaway with a friend and his sister.
They insisted on debating the realism of every part of the movie. At points where they couldn’t agree they would debate it until something else came up, then when they were done debating that point they’d actually go back to their last topic and go on about that for a few.

“Oh, someone would have come by eventually, he was obviously on a somewhat large island.”

“I don’t think all of those boxes would’ve floated, and even if they did, wouldn’t most of them just get washed out to sea?”

“He could’ve killed himself easy, why did they go through all the drama of the hanging when he could’ve tossed himself off the cliff?”
AAACK SHUT THE HELL UP!

44

Ugh. Sounds like my mom anytime anything political is on TV. And I mean anything. I hate Bush too, but I don’t feel the need to make the same damn comments everytime I see him on TV!

45

Experiences like these are the reason I very rarely see movies in theatres anymore.

I am definitely not above ‘shhh’-ing people, and I’ll even get backup if necessary, but it always pisses me off that I have to shush anyone in the first place. (If you confuse public movie theatres with your living room, STAY HOME. :mad: ) So, because I am easily angered in those situations, and I cannot control how other people behave (I can only try to control my reaction to them), I choose to avoid theatres except for certain movies.

46

Last year, I shushed my MOTHER while watching a movie. I love her, but she has an irritating habit of explaining every visual joke in a movie to me, as if I was six or seven years old. She also loudly points out the first several times a major actor appears on the screen, or any cameo appearances by other actors she recognizes. At Fahrenheit 911, which she attended with Dad, she probably uttered “There’s Michael Moore … there’'s George Bush … there’s Dick Cheney”. Mom, for the love of Bob, STOP DOING THAT!

I grew up an an integrated urban neighborhood. A common sound was the standard urban mmm-mmm, which sounds like “mmmmmm-M!-m!”, increasing in frequency with the first “mmmmmm”, with a deep “M-m”. There’s also the “mmmmm-mmmmm-M!”, with each “mmmmmm” starting off low, and increasing in frequency. I’d hear older women uttering “mmmmmm-M!-m!” or “mmmmm-mmmmm-M!” to themselves on the bus or in other public places all the time, which completely mystified me; were they vocalizing agreement with their own thoughts?

47

Reminds me of the comic John Mendoza:

"I’m watching a movie with my girlfriend. Some guy shoots another guy. She asks, ‘Why’d he do that?’

What? Did I get here before you?"

To the OP: Eddie Murphy once talked about this very phenomenon. And, since we’re in the Pit, I’ll use the profanity, too:

Blacl people, though…we talk to the screen.

“What the fuck you gonna do now? You done dropped your pistol when ya busted the window!”

“Shhhhh”

“Somethin’ wrong with your lips, muthafucker? Somethin’ GOONA be wrong with them, you keep makin’ that noise.”

48

There are several categories of annoying people at the theater that Mrs. Six and I encounter enough that we have nicknames for them:

Disciples: Have seen the movie before, and must quote the important parts along with the actors.

Echoers: Must repeat any line that is funny or important, as doing so makes it even funnier and more important.

Sports fans: Discuss the movie as if they were watching a sporting event at home in their living rooms.

Excedrins: Feel the need to say something whenever suspense is the greatest to relieve the tension.

Macho Studs: Boyfriends who have to entertain their dates at horror movies by goosing their dates during tense moments, then laughing uproariously.

Sammy Jankis: Anyone who is constantly asking questions about things that just happened a few minutes ago.

Psychic Assistants: People who ask their companions about things that haven’t been explained by the movie yet, as if their companion is psychic.

Psychics: People who have seen the movie and say the important lines just before they occur in the movie.

Operators: Anyone who takes a cell phone call during the movie.

Video Gamers: Anyone who opens up their cell phone to play games or do whatever the hell they do with that million candle power video screen.

Olympians: People who sprint down the stairs, shaking the entire balcony as they do so. Usually preceeded by a video gaming session.

Babysitters: People who bring a group of kids too young to a movie that they obviously cannot appreciate, sit still for, or be quiet during.

Nannies: Anyone who brings a baby to any movie.

Samaratins: People who’ve decided the movie is so bad that it is their responsibility to entertain the audience by mocking it.

Bigfoot: A person who stomps the floor or kicks the seat in front of them.

My wife, when watching tv or a movie at home, cannot keep quiet. She feels a burning need to ask questions about anything she didn’t completely understand when it happened. On rare occasions, this is because English is her third language, but most of the time it’s something else. Often, her question is answered as she’s turning to me to ask it. Most of the rest of the time, the movie or show hasn’t provided an answer yet. Sometimes the questions deal with some element of the movie that has little to do with what’s happening in the movie, but instead has something to do with some tangential issue.

We’ve discussed this several times. I’ve tried to get her to understand that I really prefer to watch a movie all the way through without interruptions, as it’s easier to get into the movie that way, that most of her questions will be answered later on in the movie anyway, and I’d be happy to explain anything she didn’t understand after it’s over.

The problem is that she can’t seem to distinguish between comprehension problems that stem from her language skills and plot developments that simply haven’t been explained yet, so she asks away, twenty or thirty times for some movies. I’ve tried giving quick one word answers, or saying “I don’t know” but she recognizes that I’m avoiding the question and repeats it. So the only way to see a whole movie is to pause it to answer the questions, which disrupts the flow of the movie greatly, and sometimes leads to discussions that are off on some tangent only marginally related to the movie. She simply must get a thorough understanding of whatever it is she doesn’t understand before she’s willing to go on.

For example, while watching Monster’s Ball, we had to frequently stop and discuss why men visit prostitutes, why women become prostitutes, how does a man find a prostitute, etc, none of which one needs to know to understand the movie. One word answers such as, “He’s lonely” wouldn’t do, because not all lonely men go to prostitutes. Therefore, we must discuss what makes some lonely men frequent prostitutes, but not others.

All of which would be fine for discussion following the movie. This is, indeed, one of the great things about all good art; it stimulates discussion of the issues involved. But she just cannot wait, she must know now.

None of which is meant to demean Mrs. Six; she’s a wonderful woman who happens to have a great deal of difficulty holding her questions until the end.

But when we step into a theater, she has no problem keeping quiet the entire movie because she had decided to be considerate of the other viewers. It’s all just a matter of being aware of and considerate towards others

49

Memento reference, I love it! So I take it your wife is a Sammy Jankis. At least she’s quiet in the theater. Does she stay quiet if people come over to watch a movie with you? Fantastic list.
I hate when people talk (and I’m willing to shuuush loud and often) but I admit to doing it myself once in a while. Things just slip out. The most recent instance was when I was watching Control Room, a documentary about al-Jazeera which also gives an eye-opening glimpse into how U.S. officals lie and distort using the US media. A group of al-Jazeera reporters and staff are watching CNN and listening to Donald Rumsfeld blatantly lie right into the camera. It’s obvious to them and us that he’s lying, and everyone knows that the American public is lapping it up and assuming every word it true. I couldn’t take it and said “you fucker” and immediately slapped my hand over my mouth. I don’t believe in talking during movies and I don’t believe in cursing in public (here, it’s different, it’s the Pit), so I was instantly mortified. However, the entire (small) theater laughed and I assume it’s because they were thinking the same thing. Still, I hope I don’t do that again.

50

The same thing happened to me! Some dumbass sat down two seats away, and then proceeded to do that annoying-assed “HAR HAR AIN’T BUSH STOOPID” forced-laugh thing every 30 seconds, while alternately clapping or slapping his leg, just to make sure the rest of us knew how much he approved of the movie.

Frankly, the guy damn near turned me in to a Republican.

51

Am I the only one perverted enough to think that she may be on the receiving end of a sexual act?

52

This sounds almost as bad as the woman behind me at the Rush concert on July 2. The audience overall was very polite, and when Neil Peart (one of the greatest drummers in the world) was performing his drum solo, most of the audience listened in awed silence.

Except for the fat bitch behind me. Throughout the entire drum solo, she was bellowing, at the top of her voice, “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! NEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIL! NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE! NEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIL! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE! NEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!”

I was in the grass seating area at the back of the amphitheater, and the music wasn’t all that loud way back there. This woman effectively drowned out most of the drum solo with her mating call.

53

Or the guy behind me at a Billy Joel concert during his first tour with Elton John: at the start of Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel) – a newer, quiet piano piece written by Joel for his daughter – the guy hollers “Yeah, yeah, I love my kid, too…but play some fucking rock and roll!”

Almost made me want to yell out a request for Ricky Nelson’s Garden Party. :rolleyes:

54

Maybe so, but being part of a culture does not grant special rights to the person to speak in a crowded theatre. If you want to talk to the screen do it at home where you won’t bother anyone else, talking at the movies is truly the height of rudeness.

55

Is it possible to cause panic by shouting AMEN in a crowded theater?

56

Remember the skit about that? IIRC it was Tracy Morgan on Saturday Night Live. They did a mock public service spot: “Great Moments in Black History” or something like that, but it was about the first man to shout things at the movie screen. I’m sure I’m getting the details all wrong, but it was funny.

Just for the record, the woman at F-9/11 was white.