One of the best things about being a human being is our ability to determine who we are. Take a look around at the people whom you admire. What is it you admire about them? Emulate that. Become that. There is nothing about who you are right now that is so permanent you cannot change it.
The human mind can grasp and grapple with any problem. Our achievements are limited only by our determination. You have the ability to choose who you are. Right now, you are choosing to be a sad sack no one else cares about, and by declaring that, you are actually driving people away from you. You could choose a different direction. You could choose to solve your problems and become someone you are proud of.
mookieblaylock, consider this. Even the most objectively gorgeous lady isn’t actually beautiful is she’s conceited and shallow.
Speaking as a gal, I doubt the beautiful woman you saw thinks that she’s perfect. But if your assumptions are correct and she makes decisions about who to talk to based primarily on looks, then she’s not a good OR beautiful woman, and you shouldn’t feel sad about not talking to her.
Do volunteer work. Learn Chinese. Study cooking and learn to make an awesome risotto. Join a book club and discussion group. Learn to talk to people. Find something which trills you.
You do realize, of course, that there are people who have never pursued a romantic relationship in their entire lives*?
You are defining yourself in the worst possible way. You are assuming that there is some sort of threshold below which a human serves no purpose. You are wrong, on both counts. Yadayadayada, relationship advice, do hobbies, etc.
*Monks. I gotta figure, given how many there were/are, at least some of 'em had to be true.
I’m willing to bet you didn’t read any of that.
Now that I’ve got your attention: get a counselor. One way or another, you are depressed. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, it’s not a matter of pride. I’m talking pure pragmatism here. You can either go it alone, and live a worthless pathetic life for a few years until you shoot yourself; or you can get help, and sort yourself out. Of course, if you already have a counselor, I’m only making this worse…
If by some chance you do, and you’re still this screwed up, you’ve probably got a toxic influence. Someone close to you, someone you think is your friend, or compatriot, is taking advantage of you, making you feel like crap and using you as a doormat. Figure out who that person is (with the help of the counselor!) and avoid that person.
I sympathize. I used to feel the same way. I have a better understanding now that I am not a piece of shit, but I still don’t get dates. I’m a very sensitive guy and I just can’t stand rejection, so when I get turned down on a date it took me a year or more to pull my head out of my ass and ask again. Eventually I decided I’ve had enough rejection in my life, so I’ve basically withdrawn from the dating game. At least the chasing side. I’m still waiting for some woman to come along, recognize my worth, and sweep me off my feet.
That has not happened in many years.
There is a mental leap I wish I could make. I wish I could take rejection in stride and move onto another, er candidate, without such an overwhelming sense of failure. But for one thing, I probably have unrealisticly high standards for women I’m attracted to, so they don’t come along all that often. And for another, I’m not willing (or able) to make these invitations appear just casual – like, “Hey come along with me and my friends when we go do this thing.” The thing is, I don’t go out with friends and do things. I’m kind of a mole person – I go to work and I go home, and once in a while I get invited to be part of some outside-of-work social gathering.
So, the moral of the story is, don’t be like me. Make yourself into a more social person, and give more women the opportunity to find you. Being in your mid-twenties, you don’t really have the right to be so embittered yet, though I’m sure you’ll disagree.
Seconded. Even if you are the ugliest person in the world, you should still have some good qualities. I find it hard to believe you have zero redeeming qualities, mookie. It sounds like you are not having a very realistic self-image.
No, MBP in Salt Lake just calls everybody Matthew. It’s kind of annoying, actually. Why do you do that, MBP?
mookieblaylock, I think you’re going to be okay. You need to sit around and feel sorry for yourself for a while, that’s normal. But before too long you’re going to have to snap out of it. And if you can’t, get help. For real, you don’t have to stay stuck in the pits of despair forever.
And DO NOT talk casually about suicide. If you’re really thinking about it, you need to get help, but if you’re just blowing off steam, that’s not the way to do it. Because somebody will call the cops on you for sure. Then it’s an overnight in the ER for “observation” without your belt and shoelaces, mandatory evaluation, all kinds of stuff you don’t want. That’s what I’ve heard anyway.
It’s ironic that you should say this, given that the OP was only interested in the girl because of her physical appearance. If he’s interested her strictly on that basis, and she rejects him strictly on that basis, no one has been wronged - they’re operating on the same level.
You say “…and she makes decisions about who to tlak to based primarily on looks, then she’s not a good OR beautiful woman”. But the OP only wants to talk to her based on looks - so is he also a bad person? Or does the standard only apply to women?
I do think there is a double standard at work. Men always present their girlfriends and wives in terms of attractiveness above all else, but women pretend to be above that and less superficial, and that may be true to a small degree but I’ve grown to doubt it.
Now if the OP were some great guy who did volunteer work and helped little old ladies cross the street, meanwhile he’d grown fond of this woman because he knew stuff about who she was, and she rejected him solely on his appearence, then absolutely, he’s getting the shit end of the stick. But the guy is only interested in her for superficial reasons, so why is it somehow worse of her to evaluate him by the same criteria?
This is almost always true for people that feel the way you do. The next time you go out in public, which you should really be doing BTW, take a look at some of the guys with girls. You will definitely see a few that don’t seem like they could ever get a girl, if not, hang out at Wal Mart at 3am , then you’ll see some.
Not that looking down on people is a good thing, but everyone I know can find someone somewhere that they feel more appealing than. The messed up looking guy with a girl may not be the best to look at, but he at least said something right, and acted right long enough to have that girl stay with him.
Guys like you can, and do get girls, you just need to find out what method works best for you. A friend with a girlfriend might be able to coach you on how to improve your “game”. If you don’t have such friends, start working on that. A TON of people meet their future spouses through friends.
Make an effort, to at least try. This happens a lot more often than you might think.
Small talk, compliments, and smiles will never get you in trouble, but might get you her number.
Actually, I’ve already been hospitalized twice for suicide attempts. Hence why I can’t take people seriously when they try to tell me there’s any hope here.
The first thing that popped into my mind when I read this thread, was the time I drove the shuttle bus on OSU campus, and picked up one of the world’s most beautiful girls. I’ve seen hot, sexy, cute, stunning, gorgeous, you name it… girls before, but this one had me wondering how she lives life on this planet because of all the people in frozen awe of her visage, that must create near fatal accidents on a minute by minute basis.
She got in the back seat, and I saw in the rear view that she was going to be distracting me the whole way to her dorm. The whole way there I kept trying to not sneak a glance, but of course I did. I fought over whether or not to say anything to her, and then decided that I absolutely had to. Then I said a very, very stupid thing. “I’m sorry, but you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. I felt I had to say that.” She said thanks, and I never saw her again.
Had I asked “Where’s a good place around here to get (insert absolutely anything)?” Then, I could have at least spent more time there than at my job, and possibly become a familiar face to her, leading to a conversation, leading to me possibly being the only guy to approach her in so many years that she didn’t just get hit on by.
Opportunities are almost always worse when you miss them, than if you tried to take advantage of them in the first place.