And did you actually go and get the long term therapy, or not? Because you clearly need it.
I’m still in therapy, and I’m on medical leave from college because of it.
My standard applies to everyone. But I don’t know if you see what I’m against- using looks to decide who NOT to talk to. You shouldn’t avoid talking to people who aren’t up to your standards in looks, and, additionally, that you shouldn’t assume anything about attitude or personality based on face or body.
If someone is attractive and that makes you want to get to know them better, that’s okay by me. Why fight genetic imperative?
Oh.
Sorry, dude. I’ve met a few people like you before, and most of them aren’t. So be proud of that, at least! Be proud that you aren’t completely abandoning yourself.
Have you tried learning how to play guitar? Or piano! There is nothing cooler than a guy who can go to a formal party, mingle, and then go to the piano and make something beautiful. I agree with everyone else that you should find something you enjoy doing and do that, but since you seem focused on the copulatory chess match you may as well start looking in those places.
And don’t forget about the monks. Being a virgin doesn’t have to be the end of the world.
Whoa, then I am way out of my league here. Here’s hoping you do well in therapy and turn things around real soon. Do the hard work, it’ll pay off eventually.
Okay, I have a friend who is so beautiful that men have been struck dumb by her presence.
Virtually all of her exes are losers, and her current husband isn’t so much, either.
Feel better now?
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you can’t be happy as a single man. Its different, not necessarily better. Relationships have advantages, yes, but they come with very definite drawbacks to balance it out.
And the Twitter advice is good as well.
One last thing… Physical beauty in a girl is a wonderful thing, there is no denying it, but it can wear thin quickly if she has no substance underneath it. By all means, go for a beuty, but don’t for a second think that just because she was beautiful she was worth your time.
Is this what I sound like when I get all depressed? Looks through old posts
Shit… okay everyone, I know I always apologize after those bouts, but I want to do so again because I’ve never seen someone other than me talk like this before. Sorry, really.
I hope you feel better soon mookie.
Mookieblayloc, I know it is cliche to death, but I promise you…attitude is everything. Swagger, style; in my 'hood we call it ‘steez’. It is everything. I also know women beautiful enough to break my heart, and they are with guys you would never expect to grab such a woman. And on the flip side, I know men that are incredible to look at who have gone to pieces over a woman that while not considered pretty in the conventional sense, certainly has that certain something.
Maybe not this particular babe you saw, but some babe somewhere can fall under the spell of you just as easily as she could a heart throb. I’m not saying that to try to gas you up. I am saying that because it is true.
ETA: I want to be clear that I didn’t mean to sound glib. I realize you have issues that go beyond, 'just improve your ‘tude, dude’. I was just posting my observations on the topic.
Maybe it’s just me, but I find that depressing. Maybe the perceived psychology of the super hot girl, is a subject best suited for another thread. I certainly have my theories, and I’m sure a lot of them are wrong.
[Note: I am not a psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist, and I am not your therapist, etc.]
From one person that has depression to another, do you take any medication for it? I’ve been taking Paxil for quite a while, and was recently put on Welbutrin to supplement it. If you are truly depressed, you won’t be able to talk yourself out of this. The doom and gloom will be too strong. Trust me, I’ve been there.
And the fact that you were hospitalized twice for suicide attempts tells me that you don’t really want to off yourself. I refuse to believe that if you really wanted to, you couldn’t find a more certain method. It sounds trite, but I think your attempts have been signals to others that you’re not just suffering from the blues here. I’ll bet a lot of people around you dismiss your feelings and tell you to buck up, kick yourself in the ass, and be happy, am I right? In my experience, many people who don’t have depression don’t understand how crippling the condition can be. When I have episodes of depression, there seems to be no way out, and no way to improve the situation. Sometimes, in that low-serotonin state, suicide seems to be the only way to escape the feelings of worthlessness. Believe me, I understand what you’re feeling to some degree, as I have struggled with these feelings also.
Do I have any words of wisdom? Not really, other than to say that you probably have a very unrealistic view of yourself, and who could blame you? Mental illness distorts our perceptions. Remember that you’re not in any capacity to assess yourself objectively right now.
Continue with the therapy, and consider medication as well. It won’t cure you, but it should help with your negative feelings.
Best wishes to you.
I need to clarify something, which is that my really hot friend is now married to a guy who doesn’t look like much and doesn’t make a lot of money, but he is a really, really, nice guy. The more you get to know him, the better he looks.
But some of her exes were real jerks, and they weren’t that great looking. (And some of them were that good looking, and/or made a lot of money, and were still jerks.) One of them was an ex-con. He was scary. He did not get better-looking the more that you knew him. It wasn’t anything nonviolent like selling drugs to a Fed, either–it was armed robbery.
I’m just saying, a beautiful woman shouldn’t make you sad, and they might be more approachable than you think.
And most of the guys that assume that are probably correct. True, there are maybe 2 or 3 percent of the men she is acquainted with–the especially desirable ones–that she would actually consider going out with once or twice. And maybe a subset of those men are afraid of getting shot down by her (even though they get more pussy then they can deal with) so they never ask her out.
The other part of that 2 or 3 percent that would even have a chance with her probably are willing to give it a try. The other 97 to 98% never had any hope to begin with. In any event, she can just throw her photos up on a dating site and get responses form hundreds or even thousands of men. She can choose whichever one she likes.
She’ll do alright, I think.
Stories like this merely create false hopes in some gullible and unattractive (either physically or otherwise) men that there are gorgeous women out there just dying for them to ask them out. There actually aren’t.
Glad you’re getting treatment, sounds like you’re dealing with some serious issues. All the best with it & hang in there. 
Reading this thread I’m reminded of that book “Self Made Man” where a lesbian author poses as a man & writes about her experiences. One of the things that struck her was how much rejection men generally have to deal with. One of her guy friends gets shot down multiple times by various women & he’s like : “Hey, welcome to my world”. I think unless you’re some rock star or athlete, if you’re a single, straight man, you’re gonna deal with some rejection from women, it’s just part of the game. The key is to get shot down & realize it’s no big thing. As a friend of mine once said : “Ya can’t get too excited about one woman, you’ve gotta get a little excited about alot of women.” I mean, obviously don’t be a jerk, & always take no for an answer, but have fun with it & keep trying. Once in awhile things can click (met my wife by just approaching her cold, poor girl. Hey, even a blind pig finds an acorn once in awhile!), but as others have said, if you’re giving off a lousy vibe you’ll scare people away. Yes, attractive women generally have people pursuing them, I never bought that idea that they’re all lonely waiting for someone to ask the out either, but the only way you can absolutely guarantee you have no shot is by doing nothing. People do get struck by lightining after all!
Look. I have been you. I was in therapy for a suicide attempt, skipped some college (medical leave) to get therapy, etc.
I’m happily married, because I made a conscious decision to ignore the part of me that thinks I’m bad, that gets embarrassed, etc. I joined a (music) fraternity, met some guys who were willing to have a beer with me and hang out regardless of how socially inept I was as long as I was making an effort to be chill, and you know, they invited girls over too, and eventually good stuff happens when you let go of your desires and fears and just be a person around people.
As for “too beautiful”, let me level with you. I’m a guy with a beard, who forgets to trim his neckbeard and get haircuts. I’ve got a beer gut and if I’m wearing anything more formal than jeans and a polo shirt from Sears, it’s someone’s wedding. I dated several of those “too beautiful” women in my later college years, and you can too–but you have got to convince yourself that you are not the best judge of yourself, and you have got to convince yourself that you are able to make a credible effort. I can’t help you with it from here (unless you’re in central PA, in which case we’ll go have a beer or two sometime), but your therapists should be able to.
You’ll be fine. Keep telling yourself that, and acting as though you believe it, and it will happen. (it’s the vastly oversimplified magic of CBT!)
There are no more powerful words in the world than the ones that follow, “I am…”. Whatever you choose to say following this phrase is creating your future. As you self reference - so shall you become. Every time you refer to your self as a loser you ensure that will be your future. Want to stop feeling like a loser? Stop calling yourself one. Even if all you can manage is, “I hope one day to be less of…”, it WILL make a big difference.
Secondly the search for love, or true love, is a fool’s journey. The real journey of life is to be worthy of love. How? Self pity is all about your ego, always. Being self absorbed is only going to make everything worse. Get over yourself and get out of your own way. How? Well, you could start by giving yourself permission every morning to not put on the yoke of your foul self opinion. Skip it for a day, the world won’t end and things will begin to look up. Choose to act in your best interest instead of against it.
If it’s really happiness you’re seeking I would remind you that happiness is not a resource to be consumed like potato chips. Happiness is something you make, not find lying by the roadside or in the embrace of a beautiful woman. Want happiness in your life? Make some. If you can’t make some for yourself then make some for someone else. And guess what, you’ll find some for yourself in the process.
Remember that what you are feeling, we’ve all felt. All of us. Take a look around, every person you see has felt as you do, worthless, unable to find their way, a loser, hopeless. These feelings bind you to us, they are what is common in all people the world over. You’re not alone, look up and see with your own eyes that what I’m saying is true.
People find there way out, from where you are, all the time, and you can too. It starts with letting go of the all consuming internal dialogue which is just another manifestation of your ego. You can do it, take a look around at all the dim bulbs that managed. You telling me they’re more evolved than you? I don’t think so. Wrestle that ego into submission and come on out and play with the rest of us, would ya?
Hey, maybe she saw a woman so beautiful somewhere that day that it made her sad, too, because she thinks she could never compare (or, if it’s her thing, land her).
I wouldn’t get all bent out of shape because a woman who is five levels of attractiveness higher than you wouldn’t go out with you, anyway - people only successfully date within about two levels of attractiveness. Enjoy the view looking at the goddesses from afar, then go ask out someone who is as cute as you are handsome (and be realistic! None of this, “I’m ugly, everyone hates me, wah.”)
Nzinga - it’s about that walk. 
Don’t worry about it, she’s probably a bitch anyway.
Well, I did a good enough job of becoming a loser even when I thought I wasn’t one, so I never really accept this advice from anyone.