I think it’s worth saying that although statements of positive self worth are usually recommended as advice for people to try by well meaning friends and family, the latest research, is that they often the most vulnerable people feel worse. Instead: (from the BBC News article)
I’m sorry things are difficult for you, mookieblaylock - I am glad you are seeing a therapist to help you address things. FWIW, I think different approaches help different people so my advice is if you don’t feel this is a therapist you are making progress with to consider a change. Or, if this is not feasible, to discuss your progress and ask if he or she could try a different approach in your treatment. One last thing - from personal experience, I really did used to feel like I was the cut off from the rest of the world. Hearing that other people were feeling like I did paradoxically actually helped and made me feel I wasn’t quite so on my own. Good luck and my best wishes to you.
Sorry for the tangent but can someone explain this to me? I’ve heard it before and always assumed it was a reference to oral sex, but if it is…uh…you’re doing it wrong? I can’t think of any oral sex activity that would be helped by having a really long tongue. Though it does sound like the kind of thing that a guy might *think *a woman would enjoy… So is this some reference I’m not getting? (Yes, I get that it is a joke, but is it one I’m not getting, or do some women like drastically different oral sex than all the ones I’ve talked to?)
As to the OP, I’ve been there. I’ve been so deep in depression that I hated myself that badly. The right medication and almost 2 decades of counseling helped and the difference is night and day. All I can say is keep trying to fix that. Don’t worry about the other stuff until you fix you.
mookie no one is as big a loser as you see yourself as being. NO ONE. Everyone has value, and you dear are included in everyone. Your problems can be fixed; please concentrate on counseling and working to regain your mental health. Because surely as someone who has a physical illness is sick, someone with an mental illness is sick and worthy of treatment and health.
We may appear to be just faceless people on a message board, but we are indeed people — potential friends who have taken the time to drop by this thread and put a lot of thought into writing a post that might help you. YOU ARE WORTH IT. Please don’t give up on yourself. We care — and I’ll bet there are others in your life who care too.
I interpreted it as him saying that he deliberatly does something weird as a conversation opener. So he can get her to say, “Excuse me, but why are you licking your elbows?”.
Grow up, Trent Reznor. You’re being a self-obsessed twat. That’s why nobody gives a fuck about you, and that’s what makes you a loser. Sitting in dark corners, chewing over your own imperfections, is just another form of selfishness.
Your depression is distorting your view of the world and of yourself. You simply don’t see yourself the way other people do. You’re doing the right thing by pursuing therapy. We’re not going to convince you to change the way you think in a message board thread, but at least try to acknowledge that when you put yourself down – you might be wrong.
It’s the guano. If you were WineChocolateAndAWadOfCashLad, things might improve. Also, consider talking to a therapist, if you haven’t already. A counselor might be able to pinpoint specific ways in which you go awry in communicating with others.
You know, when I first read the OP, I was all set to defend him. We don’t always act in the most rational way possible. It can make sense that the chance of not being rejected is so small that you wouldn’t think an approach was worth it–especially if you lack the social skills to increase your chances. I was going to encourage the OP to learn how to approach people.
But, of course, subsequent comments show that he is depressed. I am very sad to hear that. I know from experience that perpetuating depressed thoughts will not help in the long run. Sure, you need to recognize and accept your own negative thoughts, but you also need to realize that it is the depression talking. It is warping your view of life.
The study mentioned above is odd, not because they are wrong, but because this sort of thing has been common knowledge in psychology for quite a while. Your brain wouldn’t have settled into the depressed pattern unless there was some “pleasure” in doing so. And repressing/suppressing emotions actually perpetuates them–that’s why therapists have you talk about your problems.
So, of course talking (or writing) about your negative thoughts will make you feel better. But you can’t stop there. You need to go to the next step, which is recognizing that the thoughts aren’t true. The next step is trying tentative replacements. Then repeating them as you become more sure that they are correct. Eventually you’ll break the habit of thinking the bad thoughts first, and you’ll be pretty far down on the role of recovery.
(Yeah, depression also involves brain chemistry, but tests show that psychological methods that improve depression actually alter the brain chemistry. I don’t know why this surprises people.)
I sympathize with the OP because I was him awhile back. Anyone who knows me on here knows this. Here has been my life progession
22: No Girlfriend, just finishing school. Socially awkward and overweight
23: No Girlfriend, finished school, socially awkward, but became fit
24: First real job, no GF, fit, still somewhat socially awkward
25: 2nd year on the job, no GF, fit, and very frustrated, here is when I became depressed and had suicidal thoughts. I went to a doctor, but not therapy, I began to examine everything in my life. I worked hard on being nice to people, and just doing things I wanted to do
26: Confidence slowly increased to a point where I really just enjoyed life again and rediscovered my passion for music. Not one but two girls hit on me.
27. One of those two girls i have been seeing for the last 4 months. She is beautiful and intelligent. I love her!
Mookie, you can do it! I know it’s hard to see now, figure out what you like to do and just do it. A girl will be attracted to a positive person who is passionate about something.
