Today I started a war with a neighbor

[Kelevra]

Well I didn’t get my face punched in last night. I did see her car this morning as I was walking the dogs, but she turned off before she got to me. At this point I’m thinking that she’s like the schoolyard bully and now that I’ve stood up to her she will leave me alone.

My plan for the future is to not talk to her ever again. If she accosts me on the street I will record her with my phone and keep walking. Then give her a framed picture of my dong.

Kelevra

Oh, and I’m in Ohio (not a stand-your-ground state). And while I would not eat a cake baked by her, if anyone else wants to send me a cake that would be great!

[Loach]

@ZipperJJ

“It’s called a pocket. You should get some…” ??

Good one!

Well, the Jerk Store called, and they’re running out of you!

@FXMastermind

Of course she will deny it. they will still search her house and person pretty good, just to be sure.

Sorry, no. There would be no search.
I can’t help but think that the conversation at home went like this, “You said I would do what??? What the fuck are you getting me involved in now?”

[bucketybuck]

Why didn’t you just set the dogs on her? Isn’t that what dogs are for?

[lawoot]

@Kelevra

Yes, it was the same woman.

I suppose if her husband knocks on my door I’ll say “You’re trespassing. Leave or I will call the police.”

Or say “Geez. Sorry your wife’s a nut. Come in and have a beer.” Probably get on his good side real quick.

[Skywatcher]

@LilyoftheField

Perhaps you read a previous thread that I had posted about my own misadventure with a lunatic neighbor while walking my dog?

maniac - or legitimate rage? - The BBQ Pit - Straight Dope Message Board

Then again…there have probably been many others, lol!

Yeah, that’s the one. Couldn’t find it with the board’s search function and couldn’t get specific enough with Google.

[Zulema]

A few years ago we were having a problem with strange dog poop in our yard by the public sidewalk. I wasn’t that upset about it until one day I came home for lunch and saw the new neighbor watching her dog poop in that spot then giving her dog a treat. I was outraged. Their house backs up to a strip of woods that she could have taught her dog to poop in.

I started coming home from work for lunch every day and I made sure she could see me watching her do this. Eventually she switched to a different yard. One day my friends and I were outside talking about the situation when the dog pooping neighbor started marching around the neighborhood, picking up every piece of dog poop she could find. Someone must have called the village on her. I can’t even imagine what she was thinking.

[crucible]

@Munch

No one WANTS a dog to shit in their yard. But my dog needs to walk several blocks before she drops a deuce - if a homeowner a couple blocks away has a similar dog, and we come to a similar arrangement, then we each need to go through fewer poop bags. It’s a lot easier to pick up poop in your yard once a week than every. single. time. it happens.

You know what I’m going to say. Who, in their right mind, would own something that constantly makes waste you have to collect and dispose of, for the whole life of that something? and, you have to take it to the vet, and go get food for it, and worry about some neighbor kid screaming at the wrong time, causing your dog to rip off the kid’s face? What is the charm or pleasure of all that?

When did you first begin to think, “I need a dog.” ??? Were you blitzed at the time?

Frankly, all the preceding aside, who needs the day when it is time to dispose of that dog? To send it off to doggie heaven? And you get to enjoy depression for a month or two? Then you have a few drinks and say to yourself, “you know what? I’m going to get another dog.”

[simster]

@crucible

You know what I’m going to say. Who, in their right mind, would own something that constantly makes waste you have to collect and dispose of, for the whole life of that something? and, you have to take it to the vet, and go get food for it, and worry about some neighbor kid screaming at the wrong time, causing your dog to rip off the kid’s face? What is the charm or pleasure of all that?

When did you first begin to think, “I need a dog.” ??? Were you blitzed at the time?

Frankly, all the preceding aside, who needs the day when it is time to dispose of that dog? To send it off to doggie heaven? And you get to enjoy depression for a month or two? Then you have a few drinks and say to yourself, “you know what? I’m going to get another dog.”

clearly you’re not a dog person - thats fine.

but your desicription of the problems that ‘dogs’ cause can be attributed to SOs, children, friends, cats, etc.

[bucketybuck]

@simster

but your desicription of the problems that ‘dogs’ cause can be attributed to SOs, children, friends, cats, etc.

Gee, you don’t say?

[Furious_Marmot]

@lawoot

Or say “Geez. Sorry your wife’s a nut. Come in and have a beer.” Probably get on his good side real quick.

Then, as soon as he steps inside, shoot him.

Never mind, I just saw the OP is in Ohio, not Texas.

[Bozuit]

@Patch

1. So you neighbor knows you pick up your dog’s feces, fill a paper bag with them and place it on her porch.
2. Since the bag might not be immediately obvious, light it on fire.
3. Ring the doorbell. Since there has been some slight friction between you and her, I recommend leaving the area and watch from afar so you can see her joyous reaction at your responsible and neighborly behavior.

“A flaming bag, eh? Well, these new Italian loafers will make short work of it…”

[YogSothoth]

This might raise a bit of ire but…what if you refuse to let the dog poop and tell him to hold it in for a few minutes? If he’s gonna poop, just start pulling the leash and keep walking. Its not going to kill him to hold it in

[The_Second_Stone]

She’s offering to set you up on a date with her husband.

[Buck_Godot]

@Patch

1. So you neighbor knows you pick up your dog’s feces, fill a paper bag with them and place it on her porch.
2. Since the bag might not be immediately obvious, light it on fire.
3. Ring the doorbell. Since there has been some slight friction between you and her, I recommend leaving the area and watch from afar so you can see her joyous reaction at your responsible and neighborly behavior.

Damn it, I was just about to post this exact recommendation, pretty much verbatim. Get your fucking precognetic telepathic probes out of my skull this minute, Patch. :mad:

[DrDeth]

@MsWhatsit

Never stick your hand in the crazy.

By escalating things with this person, you just jumped feet-first into the crazy.

This will not end well.

QFT. This is a war you cannot win. At best, you will both lose.

[Dogzilla]

Pointless but related anecdote:

My dog is a girl. She stopped to pee once, on the lawn of the church down the street from my house. I will assume the guy who yelled at me from his truck was the maintenance guy or something, because he shouted, “I hope you’re gonna pick that up?”

And at first, I thought, “What?! She’s peeing. Pick what up?” Then I realized: girl dog squatting = he assumed random dog pooping.

So I waved my plastic doggy poo bag at him and said, “Sure! Why? You want it?!?!” And then made like I was going to throw the poo in the bed of his truck. He mashed down on the gas and took off. Now, every time we walk past that church, I command the dog to poop there. (J/K, she won’t poop on command.)

That, my friends, is Standing Your Ground.

[Munch]

@crucible

You know what I’m going to say. Who, in their right mind, would own something that constantly makes waste you have to collect and dispose of, for the whole life of that something? and, you have to take it to the vet, and go get food for it, and worry about some neighbor kid screaming at the wrong time, causing your dog to rip off the kid’s face? What is the charm or pleasure of all that?

When did you first begin to think, “I need a dog.” ??? Were you blitzed at the time?

Frankly, all the preceding aside, who needs the day when it is time to dispose of that dog? To send it off to doggie heaven? And you get to enjoy depression for a month or two? Then you have a few drinks and say to yourself, “you know what? I’m going to get another dog.”

:rolleyes: What a sad way to view the world.

[kayaker]

@Munch

:rolleyes: What a sad way to view the world.

Thank you. I composed post after post but kept deleting them because I thought I’d get booted. Sad indeed.

[Jackmannii]

@YogSosoth

This might raise a bit of ire but…what if you refuse to let the dog poop and tell him to hold it in for a few minutes? If he’s gonna poop, just start pulling the leash and keep walking. Its not going to kill him to hold it in

Never had a dog, huh?

The good thing about trying this with a dog - you’ll only wind up with a neurotic dog and a shit trail that extends over many yards. Attempt the “you don’t need to poop” line with a spouse, and you’re in deep trouble. :eek:

[Athabasca]

@Chimera

Seems a bit confrontational on both your parts.

If she had said she didn’t see me carrying bags, I would have just pulled it out to show her and given her this look :dubious:

You’re assuming the crazy bitch didn’t want to see the full bags of poop, which is what she wanted to see. She is nuts and OP was right in calling her a nut job.

Plus I bet she won’t be doing a drive by since that would take brains and she hasn’t any.

To the poster who said there should not be reciprocal shitting, it’s no ones business but the homeowners, and the nut job can take a dump if she wants. Yeesh.