“Keep the tip,” Tom the Leper told the prostitute.
“I wish that leprechaun hadn’t mooned me” said Tom impassively.
“That’s it! I’m not going to see any more Avengers Universe films!” said Tom, marvelously.
“Do you see a signn here that says Dead Demon Storage?” Tom asked, to keep thins from imploding.
“People from my country can’t hold their liquor,” said Chang, drunkenly.
“This Halloween, I’m going as the angel who gave the golden plates to Joseph Smith”, Tom explained moronically.
“Of all the cartons you could have ordered, you had to get the cheapest, flimsiest ones on the market that offer no protection whatsoever” said Tom, outlining a worst-case scenario.
“I tried to bribe the sergeant into giving me a weekend pass, but it didn’t work” said Tom, without so much as a by-your-leave.
“As a veterinarian, I’m fascinated by the back end of this dog’s spine”, said Dr. Tom, “and thereby hangs a tail”.
“Ugh, I feel like one of the bad guys in the video game Dig Dug” said Tom, getting all pumped up.
“I’m sneaking out of here before that crazy plastic surgeon covers my dental work with a dermatological graft!” said Tom, escaping by the skin of his teeth.
“Need help fast! How does one get untangled from two badly interspaced cloth wires?” Tom internetted.
“Aha! It seems that the lair of Mr. Merciless is beneath our water source!”, said Tom, underwhelmingly.
“You won’t get your chai latte until you start crooning!”, said Tom, teasingly.
“I don’t support the bill banning horse ranching within city limits”, Tom nayed.
“I told you to get a pack of 500 sheets of paper, and you came back with 50” Tom told his secretary, reaming her out.
“Chickens, turkeys, Cornish hens…I’ve got a plan to kill nearly all of them” said Tom, plotting murder most foul.
“The guitarists in all the Lollapalooza bands went out on the town last night and got really smashed” said Tom, reporting a fender-bender.
“When we remodel the Enterprise’s bridge, I think Uhura’s station should go right here” said Captain Kirk complacently.
“I’m getting tired of hanging around this damn shower stall” said the soap, at the end of his rope.