“We drafted one of the farm workers to be our football squad’s goalie” said the duke, surfing the net.
“Thank goodness someone invented twist-off bottle caps” said Tom, who didn’t want to pry.
“Look, Mack, you’re a funny guy, but we think the show would work better if you had a partner” the producer said admiringly.
(You really have to be of a certain age to get this one!)
“I’m not hiding any submarines in Africa!”, Tom said, deep in denial.
“This tower is not damaged!”, Tom yelled, high on crack.
“I write home every day from my duty station on this underwater naval vessel, but the letters won’t actually be mailed until we reach port,” said Sailor Tom, submissively.
“That freak accident tore off my eyelids”, said Tom, unblinkingly.
“This new endless pastry will revolutionize world food markets!” Tom boasted, having his cake and eating it too.
“Actually, sailors consider submarines to be equivalent to ships and anthropomorphize them as women”, Tom said submissively.
“It’s rough having a sex change from a lady to a guy, but I’ll just have to grit my teeth and get through it,” Tomasina said, manning up.
“I have leprosy, so you may as well keep this,” said Tom, giving Mary a hand.
“Sob! My keyboard lost the button that is in the lower left corner!”, Tom cried uncontrollably.
“I am completely pissed off that United Airlines lost my golf clubs”, said Irish golfer McIlroy, uproariously.
“Maybe I can remap another key on the keyboard to it”, Tom said while trying to order a Tab.
“Just move one of the capitalization keys there. You have two of them,” said Tom, shiftily.
“At least you can still get a beer on the moon”, Tom said, hitting the space bar.
“I finally got it all fixed!” said Tom, keyed up.
“I’m tired of pressing all these computer alphabet thingies,” said Tom, key board.
“Key naming conventions in the Mac operating system make a lot more sense” said Tom, in full control and command of his options and disdaining the alternative.
“I keep a computer record of which fields I’ve plowed and which I haven’t” said Farmer Tom, hitting the tilde key.