echoes and nods
Eeek …
Okay, just saw the update. I’m sorry, hon. Good on you for sticking to your guns, sticking to the plan and the signed agreements so far.
Yeah, a friend of mine, left while pregnant, was jerked around by the hub as long as possible so that while the divorce was undone he didn’t have to pay alimony or any sort (it was necessary, though it isn’t in all cases).
Talk to him through the lawyers and keep your chin up.
I’m so sorry.
I’m in. Let me know when and where.
I’m not a big fan of big divorces, alimony, etc. When I divorced my ex ass I packed up my clothes, my books, and my dog into my car and left. I let him keep it all I just wanted out…
However… After all this… Take the bastard for all that he is worth and more. That sonofabitch needs to be hit where he can feel it and since he obviously doesn’t have a brain in his head or a sense of honor or any little bit of conscience the wallet seems all that is left.
Maybe it seems weird since we have never really met or anything but I could not be more pissed off for you if you were standing right here. (The only difference being if you were my friend IRL there might not be enough of your husband left to divorce when I got done ripping him a new one).
Same here. I really feel for you. I know what it feels like to have the unthinkable happen. If you lived over here in Ohio I would want to go have coffee with you and commisserate.
hands cup of coffee to Helen
Tell us what you really feel about the bastard. Let it all out. Then we’ll all go stomp his face in.
I have never actually experienced such a low-life as this guy.
Have the lawyers stake him to an anthill.
Helen, don’t go scheming! As much as you want revenge, sometimes things can backfire. Just do what your lawyer tells you. Set a hard-ass line for your lawyer to use, but then do what they say. Keep it straight, to the point and don’t mess around. No judge likes revenge, no matter who is right or wrong. I am sure the consequences will be severe enough without you trying to come up with something creative. Rise above, move on, good luck.
-Tcat
I second what Tomcat said. Let your lawyer take your revenge for you. The best thing you can do for yourself right now, IMO, is to shake him off. Put him behind you, and focus on your wonderful daughter and the fact that you have both the strength and the brains to take care of both of you. It was said earlier in the thread, but it bears saying again: the best revenge is living well.
The sooner you can say “I’m free of him,” the better you’ll feel. Hang in there. You’ve shown us all that you have what it takes to get through this with your head held high.
Again, Helen, I’m so sorry. I’m sending all my best thoughts and wishes your way.
But I don’t think you’ll need them - you’re stronger than this. You’re as strong as anything.
Good on you, good luck, and good skies coming soon.
Oh. My. God.
What a waste of human flesh. Tell your lawyer to have a field day.
What a piece of…
sees mods around
…rrrgh!
Helen, you let him have it–he deserves whatever he gets! :mad:
many hugs
Helen,
There really are no words to describe what scum he is. You really do amaze me and you really are doing all the right things. Good on ya!
One of the first things I did was strip the bed and replace all the linens in the house. I couldn’t tolerate his “smell”. (so I can certainly understand the desire to load his stuff in his boat and sink it)
I have a friend who refers to her ex as “the donor” (as in sperm donor*) I think that might be appropriate here.
*he hasn’t seen his kids but once in six years - his son is now nine - entirely his choice - he has/had visitation rights.
I just caught up with the update. Holy fuck, what a worm.
I don’t have any more advice to add than what others have said, I just want to echo the kudos on standing your ground, and to double-echo the advice not to do anything illegal. You have enough ammo to screw him through legal channels. Don’t give him any ammunition by destroying any of his property or anything like that.
It doesn’t surprise me that the other woman seems to have been getting played as much as you have.
No need to start up a Doper Bail Money Fund. The vengence I want will be totally legal and legally total. I feel I can’t be in a better position legally than if I had tried to plan it. I spoke with my laywer, and although I’m sure I can’t get into any details due to future procedings, I am very happy. My lawyer actually seemed invigorated at the idea of taking off the kid gloves. I think I love her.
Just read this whole thing, and wow, what an emotional roller coaster ride. I don’t think I have ever heard such a bad story. There isn’t anything I can say that hasn’t already been said, but just to reiterate: you are an awesome woman and he is the scum on the bottom of the scum of the earth’s shoes.
I do have one thought/question though: what was his motive to try to win you back with the fake phone call and the night you spent together and everything? What if you hadn’t found out it was all a lie? Would he have gone through with all the counseling, and other other conditions you set forth, then eventually leave you again for the other woman? And how did he expect to get around the one condition you set, the sending of a letter to the other woman telling her all contact would go through your lawyer?
Whenever one door closes, another opens…
Best of luck on giving him exactly what’s coming to him. I was so happy for you on reading your penultimate update, and then I got to this morning’s, and was appalled. Sounds like you’re handling this exactly right, though.
Daniel
There are days when I’m ashamed to be classed as a member of the male gender. HelenTroy, allow me to apologize for the entire goat-felching class that goes by the name of ‘men.’ You and your daughter didn’t deserve this.
First, a bit of humor:
Why did God give men penises? So they’d have somewhere to keep their brains, of course.
Second, a bit of psychological insight:
Instincts are a bummer, sometimes. It is in the nature of women to look for security and a nurturing protector for her children. It is in the nature of men–instincts going back millions of years, back through proto-humans and before–to try to impregnate as many women as possible to spread their genes, spraying semen around like a fire hose.
These instincts made some sense a million years back but, in light of the structure of current human society, they no longer fit. Humans can often, even usually, use their human minds to overcome instinctual behaviour…but they often fail as well.
None of this is an excuse for your husband’s behaviour–the lying and manipulation cast serious doubts on his understanding of love–but perhaps it will help you not to hate him. Hate destroys one’s own soul.
Having said all that, tell your lawyer to go ahead and kick ass. Your daughter needs some security. 
BTW, I’m thinking of writing an update to the recent bestseller. I’m going to call it: “Women Are From Venus; Men Are Idiots”
Stay strong, Helen.
Satyagrahi, between your username and your post, I’ve decided you’re entirely too awesome to be a man. You obviously must be a woman in disguise. 
Helen, you’re in my thoughts! (If you need any help with the revenge… y’know… just saying cough)
Helen, egads…
And this person is wasting my precious oxygen.
I’m glad you’re planning to satisfy yourself with legal revenge, and hope you leave him with an old boot, not even the pot to piss in.
But, as has been said before, living well is the best revenge, and I think you are already heading that way. Keep up the good work, and I’m sorry this happened to you.
:eek:
I mean, really:
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
Never before has my jaw actually dropped while reading a post on the SD.
I know it’s against board rules to wish death upon him, but I certainly wish him much bodily harm. Helen, count me in with those posters who have never actually stood in your presence, but would beat the crap out of him for you at the drop of a hat.
And again, like so many others have already said, you are handling this situation a million times better than I would have were I in your place. Your strength and determination is truly inspiring.
My mom lost in court to my pathological liar father, whom the judge believed. Document everything you can, get photographic evidence or receipts of “his” stuff before it magically disappears. And please clean the sonofabitch out - at the very least he deserves a severe beating, but hitting him in the wallet (especially after he made it clear that money is his true priority) is a start.
Oh holy fuck. You have got to be kidding me!
Change your locks.
Any further communication with Soon-To-Be-Bankrupt-Ex is to be through the lawyer. If he calls, hang up. If he comes over, well, the locks have been changed.
Do not do not do not do not talk to the Other Woman again. Ever. She is a complication you do not need during the divorce proceedings.
I don’t suppose STBBEx has any upstanding brothers or parents who would be prepared to go medieval on his ass? No? That’s fine. Sounds like your lawyer is slavering to tear him to shreds.
You have made your decision and you are happy with it. Keep yourself pure (no dating, go to work and go straight home, throw out the beer and liquor) so STBBEx can’t find anything out of context to use against you.
If you have any proof of his infidelity, bring it to your lawyer.
Why am I saying this? :smack: You are are smart lady…you know all this already.
We’re here for you. Keep us updated. I want to know when you have STBBEx crying like a little girl.