I am having great difficulty in complying with the rule of not wishing death on the soon to be ex mr. Hellen of Troy
I’ve been lurking in this thread for a while now and just wanted to add my best wishes and support for you, HelenTroy.
At least now you know exactly where you stand with this SOB. You now know not to take anything he says seriously again, no matter how heartfelt or convincing it seems.
To paraphrase Mary McCarthy (Or was it Dorothy Parker): Everything this man says is a lie, including “and” and “the.”
I think his motivation was to just get past the support hearing with some kind of documentation that he had re-established residency and he wouldn’t have to pay any support. As it is now, he has to pay support back to the filing date in Sept. If I had let him move back, I would have to start all over, and it could have taken months to even get another hearing. I’m sure he figured he could schmooze his way in and maybe even try to find something to use against me. Who knows?
IANAL, so please consult with your lawyer, but is it possible he “re-established residency” when you guys slept together on Friday? What are the laws in your state?
Helen, there is one mean, nasty, cruel thing you can do that is perfectly legal (although you may still want to wait until after things are settled). Gather up every thoughtful gift he ever gave you and send it back to him - the more sentimental, the better.
I’m just amazed that he could be so conniving. What a vile person.
Thank you for the kind words, Kythereia, but I’ve done my share of fire-hosing and had my share of male pratfalls, too. Let me relate one for your amusement and the amusement of others reading this thread:
Back in the mid-80’s, when there was still hope that the Sexual Revolution would not fail in spite of the spreading fear of STDs, I (unmarried at the time) found myself involved with two women. I did not lie to them, I did not mislead them, they knew and respected each other…though not quite enough to get into bed simultaneously. (Dang!) In fact, we were all members of the same large social group that got together regularly.
They were not lied to…but they were not quite comfortable with the situation and each was hoping that I would eventually come to my senses. One night, I was discussing this in bed with one of them and said: “Of course, you’re not interchangeable! You have different personalities; you’re very different persons and, though I cherish each of you in your own way, there is absolutely no way in the world that I would confuse you with Linda!”
The problem is that I said this to Linda.
She laughed for 20 minutes straight. The next day, she recounted it to all her friends and they told all their friends. By the next weekend, when our social group got together, it seemed that everyone in the world knew about it and had laughed their asses off.
Can you imagine what it’s like to walk into a large room containing a couple hundred friends and acquaintances and cordial enemies and have all them stop their conversations, turn to you and start applauding and laughing? I’m reminded of the line from “Steel Magnolias”: “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” I was able to laugh some, myself, and that helped. 
I’ve made many, many mistakes in my life and some of them have hurt other people. My only defense is that they were done in ignorance and weakness and perhaps, I’ve learned a little bit along the way.
End of hijack.
HelenTroy, you are showing great strength and this experience will make you stronger. Give your daughter a hug for all us goat-felching males who would love better if we could.
everyone in Kythereia’s library is wondering why she’s on the floor laughing her arse off
You still rock immensely, Satyagrahi! in admiration and much respect Come up to Toronto some time, and I’ll gladly buy you a beer. 
First if all, I’m so sorry to hear this happened, but you are obviously very strong and very bright and resourceful, so I know you and your daughter will be just fine.
Second of all, as others have said, you weren’t weak to act on your effort to forge a reconcilliation with your own husband, so dispense of that false notion entirely. However, this…
isn’t quite true. Although the chance of contracting many types of STDs is greatly diminished (if not fully prevented) with condom use, there are still STDs that are transmitted via skin contact alone, which condoms won’t protect from. One is HPV, the virus that can give you warts (and even lead to cervical cancer) and another is herpes. Please still get checked thoroughly, as soon as possible.
And lastly, I hope you’re keeping a written record/diary of every detail (and a recorded copy of that message – go get a handheld tape recorder to transfer it to, if necessary). Dates, times and details become fuzzy over time – leave nothing to chance or memory.
Best of luck, Helen! Give the little prick everything he deserves!
I’m also reminded of that other Julia Roberts vehicle “Something to Talk About”: “Is there anyone in this room who has not fucked my husband?”
I’m glad to hear you will be legal and methodical about this, HelenTroy. I’m all for revenge but don’t let it eat you up; let it hurt him and not you or your girl.
The phrase I often use is ‘honorary lesbian’ (no disrespect to dyed in the wool lesbians or bisexuals.)
Yeah, change all the locks. Now. Get him off of the accounts or just put them in acitve or get yourself off, move your money into accounts he can’t touch, etc. Let your employer know what’s going on, if necessary, to keep him from showing up or trying to get you in trouble, such as saying you’ve escaped from a mental hospital, etc, etc.
If you knew - as I do - that he applies the same sense of humor and sweetness to every day of his married life, you’d offer to buy him a keg! 
And no, I am not easy to live with…
Oops, the wife found out. Sorry, Kythereia, it’s all off.
My apologies to any who find this in poor taste…but humor, IMHO, always helps.
No the fuck he didn’t! Man, what an ass. I’m with those who want to beat him up.
I’m so sorry, Helen. I had such high hopes after your first update. Not that my hopes aren’t still high for you and your daughter.
I think it was good that you talked to the other woman. She could be your daughter’s step-mother someday, and if your husband gets visitation, your daughter could be spending quite a bit of time with her. I’ll share this experience, from one of my friends, with you. My friend’s ex had visitation with his daughter (my friend’s little girl). The ex remarried, and my friend developed a friendly relationship with her daughter’s new step-mom. Not friends, really, but the new step-mom would always be sure to communicate important things such as bumps and bruises, potential illnesses, etc. Then one day my friend and I were on a shopping trip and my friend got a call from the step-mom, saying she had found out that he was cheating on her, and had left him. She called just to let my friend know that her daughter was not with her, and didn’t know where she was. She was concerned for the girl’s safety. Turned out the ex had left the little girl with total strangers.
I would hope a situation like that would never happen to you, but in the case that it did, it’s better for your daughter to have the woman looking out for her best interest when you’re not there to do it.
OK, to make up for the tackiness of my last post…I’ll make it worse.
From this site:
Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. How do men define a “50/50” relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A. Make him wear shoes.
Q. How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man’s penis?
A. His body.
Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A. They either cling, run, or don’t fit right in the crotch!
Q. What’s a man’s idea of honestly in a relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.
Q. Why can’t men get mad cow disease?
A. Because they’re all pigs.
Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.
Q. Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. When do you care for a man’s company?
A. When he owns it.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being.
HelenTroy, are you laughing yet? Please say yes. If not, it’ll just get worse. :eek:
Absolutely, but in that maniacal, Snidely Whiplash kind of way.
With all due respect, Satyagrahi, let’s not turn this into a man-bashing thread. There are good ones out there…I’ve got two in my house myself, and know of at least three more.
We can bash Helen’s STBBEx, but he’s the exception, not the rule.
Helen, did you read my last post?
Humor, ivylass, humor. There’s always a place for laughter.
But I agree that, if there seems any reason to continue extraneous conversations, I’ll take them to another thread.
Back to the main topic:
HelenTroy, I hope that as your journey unfolds, you’ll keep us all apprised. Clearly, you have a few hundred new-found friends who care about you and your daughter. A pity that some of us are–as the SD home page proclaims–total dipsticks…but we still care.
Something which I always try to find time for.
Helen - crush him.
…make him flee before you, and hear the lamentations of his women?