Too Many Dogs?

In My Humble Opinion
21

And *this *is exactly why you ought to plan on her physical situation, and her mental state, going nowhere but crazier over time.

A couple of folks above said in effect “It’s her life, let her run it her way.” I’d amend that a bit to “It’s her life, and she won’t permit anyone to alter it.”

So plan accordingly. It’s a darn shame it’s going to go that way; you’re obviously disappointed. But the best thing you can do now is accept the reality for what it is, followed by deciding if you really want to at least partly hitch your wagon to that horse. Your husband-to-be is (legitimately) more connected to her than you are.

Since her apparent dysfunction will become an issue between you and her, it WILL also become an issue between your intended and you and between him and her. The only thing worse than bilateral strife in a relationship is trilateral strife.
ETA: **sandra_nz **has some superb advice for *coping *with the situation. My advice is more along the lines of deciding whether you want to bother coping with it.

22

Sandra_NZ: This is good advice. I will try using these types of phrases next time she starts in complaining.

I realize it’s easy for people to say “Do you really want to marry into this family with these problems?” Lord knows if I was judged on the basis of my own family’s dysfunctions (and there are many), I would be alone forever. My fiance has been very supportive of the strife caused by my own family dysfunction. No family is perfect. No body is perfect. Now that his family dysfunction has come to light, I feel that I should show the same amount of support by not running in the other direction at the first sign of trouble. :slight_smile:

Thanks again, everyone for your great advice. You S. Dopers never disappoint.