Too much sleep!

In My Humble Opinion
1

My wife - I lover her, but man I tell ya.

She sleeps too much. And she’s not depressed either. She was for a while, and now she’s not, so I can definitely tell the difference.

She’s averaging over 10 hours a night. Then throughout the day she’ll tell me how sluggish she feels, and how she just can’t sleep very well through the night. I keep telling her it’s probably because she’s getting too much sleep, and her natural sleep cycle is all messed up.

She doesn’t have a job, and I know she’ll never get one, and I’m ok with that. But what on earth can I do or say to get her to just sleep a bit less? I’ve tried “Just give it a shot for a week, and see if you feel better.” That one’s not sticking right now. Any other suggestions? I’ll definitely keep trying the “try it out and see” suggestion in the future, but I’ve gotta wait a while before offering the same suggestion to her or she’ll feel like I’m nagging at her.

Maybe any reputable websites that she could check into? She’ll often do the thing I’ve been suggesting only after seeing outside evidence that it’s worth doing.

Then again, maybe I’m wrong and 10+ hrs of sleep a night is normal for some folks. I’ve just never seen it, and if so, I’d think they would at least be rested from it.

2

Yes, how much sleep one needs is variable. I’m in the regular 7-8 hours range, one of my brothers is lucky enough to need only 4 or so, and my ex needed about 9 hours, and would readily sleep 10 hours if given the chance, so was close to your wife.

3

Has she talked to her doctor about this? Hypothyroidism is a possible cause. It’s very common and easily treatable. Of course there could be other medical causes too but it can get overwhelming to think about them all when you have no energy, so maybe just see if she’ll go get her thyroid levels checked, it’s just a simple blood test.

4

She could also be suffering from sleep apnea.
Does she snore?

5

I was going to suggest a visit to the doctor, too. While some people do naturally require more sleep than others, 10 hours is a lot and feeling sluggish even after that amount might mean a medical problem instead of one of those things you can “just snap out of.”

Alternatively, is it possible that her depression is simply manifesting itself in different ways? I imagine that symptoms can change over time.

6

I’ve had problems with depression that had me sleeping literally from 9:30PM at night to 2:30pm the next day, every day. I didn’t feel depressed, but man could I get my sleep on! That got better as the situation tied to my depression got better (and I got a job), but a few years later I started having trouble with daytime sleepiness even after 9-10 hours of sleep at night. I went in for a sleep study and was diagnosed with hypersomnia. It’s a form of narcolepsy (but not the ‘fall asleep while talking’ kind most folks are used to), and once they put me on a low dose of Provigil I felt much better. I get about 8 hours of sleep at night now on weekdays, more on weekends, and one pill in the morning gets me through the day without trouble.

I’d highly recommend a visit to the doctor as well. In the meantime, since she doesn’t have a job, does she have other things to keep her occupied/busy? I find that if I’m left completely to my own devices, I could easily nap the day away. Maybe she needs to find a hobby?

7

In my personal experience this can be solved by doing something with yourself (as can depression). You say she’s never going to get a job, but this would be the ideal solution. Throughout most of August I’ve had very little work to do so I was bored, lazy, sleeping too much and sleeping badly, as well as feeling quite depressed. Since work has picked up again I’ve spent less time sleeping but slept much better and in general felt much happier. When you feel depressed it can be hard to make yourself do something useful/constructive but it really can help.

Unless there is some very good reason for it I suggest you adjust your attitude regarding her unemployment though. I don’t know your situation and I hope this doesn’t offend, but unless you’ve left something out (like a disability) she just sounds kind of lazy and irresponsible.

8

It doesn’t offend me, but don’t let her hear me giving you the wink/nod.

She never had to fend for herself, and so doesn’t realize the importance of earning her keep, or working for the pride of it. One of those things that waiting a bit longer before marriage would have shown me. But we’re in it now, and I’m not the quitting type. Besides, I love her, flaws and all.

It’s the only way I can hope she’ll return the favor. :slight_smile:

9

No snoring, but she has many other reasons for waking up throughout the night. Most of which I believe would stop if she were genuinely tired at bedtime and had a regular sleep schedule.

10

The doctor just suggests symptom bandaids, like sleep pills or the tired old “decrease activity before sleep blah blah” pitch.

Not that I’m saying those things don’t work, but I’ve known many people, myself included, who can go from 60-0 just as quickly as 10-0, if you get what I mean. It certainly helps with falling asleep, and prevents lying in bed a long time before sleep hits, but doesn’t have much to do with the quantity/quality of sleep throughout the night.

I don’t know though if anyone’s ever mentioned hypothyroidism specifically though, so I’ll look into it and see if it may apply. Thanks.

I’m wondering if anyone has advice on different ways I can approach the topic or ideas to suggest to her so that she’ll at least migrate closer to what I believe will be of the most benefit - a regular sleep schedule that is shorter in length. As I said in the OP, she doesn’t like hearing things from me exclusively, but may listen to a different approach or a corroborating website / tv show / whatever.

11

Melatonin at night and lots of exercise during the day to help regulate her sleep cycle and tire her out.

Is she interested in volunteering, even if not holding a job? School? Something to keep her mentally busy?

12

Has she been checked for anemia?

13

Hypersomnia

Is she on any kind of medication? I take anticonvulsants and I can testify that it’s like all I want to is sleep sometimes. (Somedays I can barely keep my eyes open and once I fell asleep right at the dinner table!) And the worst part is I can’t even drink coffee, because caffeine triggers my seizures. :frowning:

You mentioned she used to be depressed – is she still on anti-depressants? Those can do it too.

14

I’m not sure I even understand the situation. Is she sleeping for 10 hours, or does she have insomnia and she’s not sleeping for 10 hours?

If she’s sleeping for 10 hours and she’s still groggy, then yes, you need to find a doctor who will figure out what’s going on and explain it to both of you so you understand. That’s hypersomnia - whether it’s caused directly by a neuropeptide disorder or secondary to Kleine-Levin disorder, medication, hypothyroidism, uncontrolled diabetes, hypoglycemia, depression, sleep apnea, substance abuse, brain damage, Celiac disease (yes, Celiac disease), fibromyalgia, restless leg syndrome - could be a bunch of different things. But none of them is treated simply by forcing yourself to sleep fewer hours. There are specific tests that need to be done to identify the source of the hypersomnia, and if her doctor won’t do them, she needs to find a new doctor, preferably one with experience in diagnosing sleep disorders. At the very, very least, she needs to keep a sleep journal for a week and undergo a sleep study. Your Personal Guide to a Better Night's Sleep - The Sleep Doctor

If she can’t get to sleep at night, or she goes to sleep but then wakes up and can’t get back to sleep, and that leaves her groggy the next day, then that’s insomnia. It’s a completely different problem. But, again, it’s not treated by forcing yourself to sleep less.

People who are lazy don’t tend to be groggy when they finally do wake up. They may be bored and go take a nap more frequently than most of us, but even lazy people don’t sleep excessively *with *daytime sleepiness unless there’s something else wrong.

In other words, you’re not a doctor, you’re not qualified to diagnose her or to suggest treatment, and nagging her to simply sleep less is neither good medical advice or conducive to a good marriage.

15

She might have sleep apnea. With apnea, the patient will go to sleep, but she will wake up frequently, and won’t remember this. All she knows is that she’s not getting enough quality sleep.

As for her not working, see if she’ll get involved in a hobby or in volunteering.

16

Heh, way to read into that one, bub. Guess you glossed over the part where I said I don’t want to nag, but I have suggested she sleep less than her typical 10-11 hours.

I’m wondering if there’s something I might say, or a new way I might say it, to suggest to her that she TRY sleeping less and on a regular schedule. This does not preclude investigation through a doctor, or any other medical advice.

When *I *suggest she sleep a bit less, it’s not likely to be considered, because of her personality and her assuming I’m calling her lazy. Which I’m not. I’m suggesting she try it because maybe, just maybe, it’ll work, because it’s worked for me and for others I know in the past. If it doesn’t, then when we go talk to the doctor, we can say we’ve been there done that instead of spending the $60 on a doctor visit and having them tell my wife what I’ve been telling her for a while (get a regular sleep schedule, don’t eat late, blah blah). Or having them order a battery of expensive tests that assume we’ve already ruled out the possibility of simple factors such as sleep schedule as a possible cause to the mild grogginess throughout the day. This isn’t like…trucker falling asleep at the wheel sleepyness. It’s like “Oh man I’m so stinking tired all of a sudden and I haven’t even worn myself out at all today!” But saying it *every *day…

You can’t really start figuring out the causes of poor sleep quality without at least trying a regular sleep schedule. It’s like saying you just aren’t able to drive a car, without even owning one. I know this, doctors know this, but my wife won’t hear it from me. Maybe there’s another way for me to present this most basic of approaches, as a way to open the door to other possible reasons for her sleep issues. This is my request for opinions/advice.

It’s really rather specific, and has less to do with the sleeplessness and more to do with the intricacies of an insecure/over-defensive female mind.

17

I understand what you’re asking, but there may not be a way to say things that’s going to make the difference. She might not even be up to hearing it or thinking about it, especially if there *is *an underlying medical cause. Or even depression, which really is still possible even if the symptoms are different than they normally are for her. I’ve had very extreme insomnia recently and my doctors KEPT pushing the obvious solutions that I’d already tried a million times, like keep a regular schedule, and I was about ready to punch someone out if I heard that one more time (if I hadn’t been too tired to do it). I know you want her to try it and that’s understandable, but she might have already tried it to the extent that she can under the circumstances.

Is she reluctant to go to the doctor? Please do have her ask about checking her thyroid levels, if they haven’t already done that. You’d think that would be one of the first things they’d check but in my experience and that of other relatives with hypothyroidism, sometimes it takes years and several doctors before one bothers to do it. And as someone said, checking for anemia is another obvious answer. It might not be something simple like that, but if it is and they can start treatment, it could make all the difference in the world.

18

Is she a teenager? New guidelines advise 10 hours/nite for them.

19

A suggestion more than twice is a nag. Sorry, it must be the “insecure/over-defensive female mind.”

Probably not. Because it’s lousy advice, medically speaking.

Okay, and that’s not normal. That’s *not *caused by excessive sleeping by someone who can change their sleep schedule just by trying.

This is incorrect. You can, and most sleep specialists now think you should. You should, at the very least, rule out the most *common *physical causes first. http://www.sleepingdisorder.net/rule-out-medical-causes-of-sleeplessness-first/
You searched for aboutinsomnia - Sleep Doctor
http://www.mercyhealthsaintmarys.com/sleep-disorder-quiz

No, it’s like telling a person who might have a broken leg to just get up and run off the pain. It’s annoying, it’s not-useful, and it may cause actual harm by delaying appropriate diagnosis and treatment.

20

I hear you, I do. But I’m not seeing in your cites where it says anything about “don’t bother trying to get on a regular sleep schedule.” Except maybe the last one, which seems to me to be a sort of net trying to catch anyone who is willing to have a sleep study. Your second cite mentions at least twice how a regular sleep schedule is a good thing, and usually helps the problem.

"Better sleep habits and lifestyle changes often help relieve insomnia. "

And twice it mentions how changes to your sleep routine can cause insomnia; also a poor sleep environment can contribute. Of course these things are listed in amongst all the other legitimate medical reasons someone might have trouble sleeping. Then there’s this gem near the bottom.

*"How Is Insomnia Treated?

Making lifestyle changes that make it easier to fall asleep and/or stay asleep can often relieve insomnia. For longer lasting insomnia, a type of counseling called cognitive-behavioral therapy can help relieve the anxiety linked to your sleep problem. Anxiety tends to prolong the insomnia. Several medicines also can help relieve insomnia and re-establish a regular sleep schedule."*

The medicines are listed last.

My wife does have a lot of unjustified anxiety (meaning, the kind where she knows it’s silly to be anxious, and wishes she wasn’t, like being afraid that she might get afraid). So there’s a possible contributor as well. I didn’t know about that one.

So WhyNot, you have inadvertently answered my question during your attempt to not do so. I thank you for those cites, and will have my wife read them. Whatever she decides to do, doctor or no doctor, at least I know I’m not crazy. Trying a regular sleep schedule is worth it. Hey, it worked when we first got married. She had crap sleep habits and terrible insomnia before we were married. For 6 months after our wedding day she slept when I slept, and woke when I woke. She wasn’t nervous or anxious as often, and she slept like a baby. And she was aware of the improvement to her sleep quality too. The only thing that had changed was her sleep schedule, and the level of general anxiety she felt. Tough to say which one caused the other, but it was good all around. Once she got off my sleep schedule, and the “warm afterglow” of wedding bliss wore off, her sleep schedule went back in the crapper. Staying up late, waking up later, watching tv not because she couldn’t sleep, but because she wanted to finish a movie…for 3 hours.

So maybe I’ll try to have her recall our honeymoon…that’s a positive thought, and shouldn’t get her defenses up.

Thanks everyone who chimed in. I’m sure we’ll get this figured out. :slight_smile: