Top five lies......

In My Humble Opinion
21
  1. I’ll pay you back, I promise! (I could retire if everyone who told me this would actually pay me back!)
  2. I’ll get it back to you tomorrow (if the borrower ever does return it, it’s usually in not as good of condition).
  3. Try it, you’ll like it! (when sampling food you know is going to taste like shit).
  4. We have the lowest prices, the largest selection of merchandise and friendly, knowledgeable salespeople. (By process of elimination, only one store can have the lowest prices and the largest selection, and with most store employees making a cut above minimum wage, most aren’t motivated enough to be knowledgeable or friendly).
  5. Let me get back to you on that (as a professional procrastinator, I’m guilty of this quick and handy brush-off line myself).
22

Nice dress

I like well-filled women

That’s not a wrinkle, it’s a beauty mark

traffic jam

Can’t smell the cat at all.

23

“Not all of them are evil. One day you’ll find a good one who won’t screw your best friend/worst enemy/neighbors entire supply of livestock.”

“I have to become friends with someone before I engage them in an intimate way.”

“I find dead baby jokes to be offensive and disgusting.”

“There are no athiests in fox holes.” - Grrrrrrrrrr!

“You know, not every guy is picturing what you would look like giving him a blow job when you first meet.”

24

“5 more minutes” - the favorite lie of little boys and Everquest addicts.

25

1, 2, & 3) “Her? Pretty? I didn’t notice her until you pointed her out Pookie. I don’t find large, firm, natural breasts particulary attractive. Most men don’t.”

  1. “It’s not the 5 bucks, it’s the principle of the thing.”

  2. “I’m glad you asked that question.”

26

“I swear to God this is true…” <whatever follows is an outright lie>

“We put your résumé on file” <trash can>

“I’m waiting to hear back from management” <I haven’t done jack shit for you>

“I’ve been doing this for X years and haven’t had any problems” <I don’t know what in the fuck I’m doing>

“Sorry I’m late, I got held up at a meeting.” <I was posting in some sex chat room>

27

One more:

“We’ve got our top people working on it.” <We’re unnecessary middlemen who really don’t know jack shit, so we’re outsourcing to some fat guy in a basement and we’ll charge you twice as much as he does us.>

28

My friend Joe tops that one. I have seen him sincerely tell ciggy-lifters, “Sorry, I don’t smoke.” (While smoking.) :smiley: