(Not counting “I didn’t do it” and “The check is in the mail”, of course):
5-“Dude, it wasn’t my fault…you’re 'ol lady came on to ME.”
4-“How is it?” “Its OK, you know, it gets you high” That’s a sure guarantee that that weed you just paid 30 bucks for ISN’T gonna get you high.
3-“Tastes Great/Less Filling”
2-"…No, sorry…this is the only cigarette I have on me."
1-"Oops, I could have SWORN I hit ‘Preview’
1- “Seriously, It looks fine.”
2- “Well, when I did it, it worked just fine.”
3- “I know how to cook very well.”
4- “You got the tab tonight? I forgot my wallet.”
5- “No, I was not at the bar tonight”
“Trust me.”
“Oh, she’s, uh, my sister.”
“I do.”
“Just one beer, occifer.”
“It’s the cold water that’s doing that.”
“I’ll never drink ever again, as long as I live.”
3 - “I know this girl that you should get together with.”, Me, “Ok, cool.” Next week rolls around. “So…”, says I. “Uh…, She had to go to a wedding.” All too common of a situation with me.
2 - “I’ll be in, in 5 minutes.” Usually, the late worker ends up 20 minutes late.
1 - “I tried calling you all day!” Uh, no you didn’t. I have caller ID and my recent call list is empty.
I can’t think of 2 more right now.
Well it would be bad!
“The check is in the mail”
“Don’t worry, he won’t bite.”
“If elected I promise to (fill in the blank)”
“I don’t hate (insert minority group here), but–”
“We’re only doing this for your own good.”
“Don’t worry, I do this all the time.”
“I’ll pick it up before I go to bed.”
“I swear, I looked there!”
“No, um, I’m busy that night.”
“Sorry, bad traffic.”
Whoops, I didn’t notice that we weren’t supposed to include “The check is in the mail”, so how about “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt a bit.”
nobody remembered to add this?
“I’ll do it first thing in the morning, I promise”
“My watch must have stopped”
“Nobody was laughing at you, honey”
“Of course I’m attracted to you. I just have a headache tonight is all!”
“That’s a great idea!”
How was I to know she was 13? (She looked 15.)
No, I don’t think your friend is cuter.
I love your family/dog/cat/friends.
I’ll call you.
I was drunk, she was drunk…
My all time favorite is “would I lie to you?”. Maybe followed closely by " Can I bum a dollar, I’ll get you back tomorrow".
At least according to David Allen Coe.
5.) Yes I’ve been taking the pill and haven’t missed not one day.
4.) I promise I’ll pull out.
3.) I like you for YOU. (and not your body)
2.) I love you.
1.) I love you too.
Sadly I was thumbing through my GF’s Cosmo one day. (looking for dirty pictures) and read a survey done in it called “top ten lies” or something like that and the top two lies told by both men and women were “I love you” and “I ove you too.”
I can only think of one.
Mostly women:
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
It is most certainly you.
“Your job is safe.”
“I won’t cheat on you.” - yeah riiiiiiiiiiight.