Top Ten Signs a Jack Chick Character is Evil

  1. He or she gets hostile whenever good Christians start proselytizing aggressively.

  2. He has big hairy hands, or is merely excessively scribbly. Bonus points if it’s a woman we’re talking about.

  3. He is a hairy gay guy who dresses like a badly costumed drag queen ALL THE FURSHLUGGINER TIME.

  4. He or she prefers leather jackets to polyester pantsuits.

  5. She is showing any cleavage whatsoever.

  6. He or she wears a peace sign and the number 666 on the same article of clothing.

  7. He/she is surrounded by demons who look and talk like Casper the Friendly Ghost’s evil brothers.

  8. Hi Opal. (Sorry, I had to do that at least once.)

  9. Failure to “bend over for the Lord” by the end of the tract.

  10. Haw haw haw!

No, no, you’ve got it wrong. The evilness of a Chick tract character is directly proportional to the amount of spit flying out of their mouth when they’re raving during their obligatory close-up.

Oh yeah, that too.

His villains also tend to be overweight, at least the powerful male types, and his heros tend to be gorgeous young men who look like they’re fresh outta Bible school.

At least, Chick’s interpretation of gorgeous young men. This translates to “wooden-looking versions of Rex Morgan M. D.”

Well, I find them attractive. Some of 'em. The Christian stud in “Dark Dungeons” was mighty cute.


You realize that in Chick’s view, you just bought a coach ticket to the lake of fire, don’t you?

Thanks to Jack Chick, I now know that ‘evil’ means ‘I have a lumpy face’

You forgot to mention "Holding a sign saying “Proud to be Gay.” Or, if they’re a Catholic Priest or Pope. Sure sign they’re workin’ for the Devil.

It’s also completely true that, until people are saved, they are capable of only four facial expressions:

[li]Evil Grin[/li][li]Wicked Scowl[/li][li]Perverted Leer[/li][li]Arrogant Disinterest[/li][/list=1]

(unless they are children in which case they are also allowed to look confused).

People, people…good lists all, but you’ve forgotten one: Big nose*, claw-like hands, leering (one might say “greedy”) expression: why who can it be?

It’s a JEW! (fear me!)

Actually, Chick has a bizarre schizophrenic view of Jews.

Chick subscribes to an idea that if you mistreat the Jews en masse, your country goes to hell: Egypt was mean to the Jews and is a mess, Russia mistreated the Jews and is a mess. England “crossed the Jews” and is now the hellhole we think of when we consider the once green and pleasant land. Germany also mistreated the Jews and…um…oops. But America treated the Jews nicely and lookit us! We rock!

But he ALSO believes his version of Christ sends Jews to Hell for not believing in Him.

Throwing someone in Hell is abuse and his version of Christ must have tossed a lot of Jews in Hell, so apparently since his Christ is abusing Jews, Chicks version of Heaven has a high crime rate and runaway inflation.


*Apparently, to make this pamphlet even worse, apparently Rabbi Waxman is a real person, as is his son.


From that link:

Why’d he wait so long, again, Jack?
There’s plenty to critique there, but I just have to say - Upper Volta??!? Can the man not even consult an atlas properly?

[sub](The tract was written in 1998. UV’s been Burkina Faso since 1984.)[/sub]

Interesting; that link that Protesilaus provided even shows Hitler in a way that I find a bit harsh.

you forgot the one sure sign of evilness!
hair length!

long hair on men = evil
short hair on women = evil

and vice versa!

all those hippies with their shoulder length hair should be STONED, STONED I TELLS YA!!!
(and not in the fun way)

Be fair to the guy – in Chick’s view, he’s already got an express charter there – after all, he’s both gay and Catholic.

Hmmm, Kirk – you might check out Chick Publications and see if there’s anything else you want to add on to your resumé! :smiley:

Adam Thrasher (Spacemoose) did a really funny aprody of his cartoon :slight_smile:

(Search for it on your own, I don’t think the admin’s would like a url for that comic.)

Is that like a double negative, making it a positive?

There have been a lot of Chick parodies. This page shows the MST3K crew deconstructing Chick’s Dark Dungeons.