Recently I moved in with my boyfriend of 5 years even after knowing that my parents would disapprove of my choices. My parents are very traditional and Korean and so they think I need to honor them by listening to them. OF course over the course of 5 years of us dating, we fought a lot but after telling them the news all hell broke lose and they came to terms with the fact that now we live together but asked what our plans were as far as marriage goes. When is the wedding date? When I mentioned that we don’t have a specific date set in mind, my dad says “so you are just living with him to see if it’ll work out and then if it doesn’t you guys are going to break up?” And I told him that’s not how I see living together and I let my boyfriend know that. I mentioned to him that I talked to him before moving in that I don’t want to be in a situation where we live together for a long time before getting married but rather a year from now hope to be engaged. I also don’t want to have a long engagement either. I mean we dated for 5 yaers and now we are 28 almost 29. My mom just wants us to be married since she feels better about us living together when we are married vs still “single”. My dad at first mentioned how I should talk to him and say I would like to be married within a yaer but I want to be proposed before hand so just give him clues. IF he loves you liek you say he does, then he should want to make you happy and make it official. You guys have been dating for 5 years. Next step is marriage. He knows that we don’t approve of this “living before marriage” situation so to relieve all of our fighting, he should want to propose to you.
I think my parents just want to see me be married esp. now that we are living together. Now my boyfriend doesn’t want to feel “controlled” by my parents and having him set a date as to when the wedding should be. Yes, when I moved in with my boyfriend we decided on living together for awhile and then getting married down the line but to be honest, I don’t know if that means next year, 2 years or 5 years. I Asked him, since the reason why we moved in was to be married, why not just plan out a timeline? And he goes “because I want to have more money and be settled (job and security) before we get married and I don’t want your parents telling me when we need to be married. I don’t want to be forced.” And while I do understand his annoyance with me and my parents as he feels that they are trying to control him, he sees how much difficulties I go through with my parents because I have upset them and basically chosen him over them and put everything in his basket, why doesn’t he want to make my life a little easier by saying “ok, lets plan on getting married by next year like you and your parents wanted.” IT’s not like I want to delay getting married. IF he proposed to me now, I would say yes espcially since my parents said “yes, marry him” so it gives me more reassurance that my parents will come around. But now I’m not sure what I can say to my parents or my boyfriend. 5 years of being together, lived together for 5 months though we practically spent almost every night together before. How much longer do we wait? What if I don’t want to wait? WHy is it so bad to want to make my parents happy about little things esp. if I’m causing such grief to them by moving in with my boyfriend? If he wants to marry me eventually, why not just talk about plans now instead of “lets go by ear or feel it out.” I am a chill person but when you involve my parents and time, my patiences diminishes.