Truth in Advertising

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I was reading this thread which reminded me of the movie “Crazy People”. The movie features an ad executive who decides to advertise products truthfully and comes up with add campaigns like those listed in the above thread by Rex Dart:

I’d like to see what the teeming millions can come up with!

Here’s my contributions:

  1. Abercrombie and Fitch: “Our clothes are cheap and shoddily made but you’ll pay outrageous prices for them anyway if you want to fit in with the in crowd at school.”

  2. Any mini-van: “You’ll never be cool again but you have to haul the kids around somehow.”

  3. Zima: “Gets girls drunk quicker!”

2

My favorite from “Crazy People” was:

'Volvos! They safe. Boxy…but safe."

3

Mountain Dew: “It’ll rot your teeth but you can’t beat the buzz!”

4

Coca-Cola: Yeah, we know, colas all taste pretty much alike, but ours comes in a shiny red can.

5

I have to nitpick: I believe the correct quote about Volvo is “Volvos…they’re boxy, but they’re good.”

Jman

6

Hehe! That’s the spirit, Skeezix!

Greyhound: “The trip will be long and boring and you may have to sit next to a really stinky, creepy guy but we’ll get you there–eventually.”

7

Wal-Mart - Oh, you will shop at our store, because we’ll eventually run all the comptetition out of town!

Verizon - We’re just going to keep re-running these annoying “Can you hear me” ads until you all buy our service and we become the most powerful people in the world.

Grape Nuts- Sure it tastes like you’ve got a mouth full of pebbles, but it’s good for you! (I think there was one in the movie like this.)

This was my favorite campaign in the entire movie. It tickles me to have read it today! :smiley:

8

Microsoft Windows: Because you’re too scared to use anything other than what your friends use.

Home Depot: Wal-Mart for handymen.

Kia: Hey, it’s cheaper than a Honda, and almost sounds the same!

9

Evian: It’s just water, really!

Vanilla Coke: If everyone tries it just once, we’ll make a lot of money.

Your Dentist: This is gonna hurt like hell.

Exxon, etc: We’ll charge what we like, dammit! What are you gonna do, WALK?

Beer: The missing ingedient to the perfect personality.

McDonald’s: …After all, what do kid’s know about good food.

Hostess Twinkies: How do we make them taste so good? You don’t wanna know.

Benson & Hedges: Sure, you’ll die; but think how cool you look!

ABC/NBC/CBS/Fox/The WB: Underestimating the general public since 1932.

10

Monistat–Because you itch.

Taco Bell–It’s of questionable origin and deplorable quality, but it’s cheap, dammit!

Trojan–Because you’re alone together rarely enough as it is.

11

McDonalds So it’s heart-clogging crap, but it’s heart-clogging crap you like, and we’re near.

McDonalds Ha! As if the kids are going to let you take 'em anywhere else.

Nike Aside from the third-world child-labour sweatshop thing, you know we’re just cool.

American Airlines We’ve got ‘American’ in our name. The rest haven’t. So you choose us, right?

Fedex We lug boxes around. But we’re really good at it.

12

AOL: We’re the most fu%king annoying program on the net, but everyone else is a member and the opposition doesn’t have any of your friends on it, so you have to join us. And we make annoying noises.

13

Phillip Morris (a.k.a. Altria): Evil. Just plain evil.

14

Covergirl all-day lipcolor: Wear this so that your lips will dry, peel and crack. Then, you won’t need our lip color to stay on through kisses!

15

Pepsi: We’re represented by a girl who can’t sing- we must be better than Coke!

16

A couple more:

Harley Davidson: Because you’ll get beat up by the Hell’s Angels if they see you on a ‘rice burner.’

Tylenol: We’re more expensive than the store brand acetominiphen, but our bottle is prettier.

Timex: C’mon, does any other watch even have a slogan?

Maxwell House Coffee: Our caffeine isn’t as addictive as the kind they put in soda.

17

Here’s another for McDonalds: Instead of injecting lard straight into your arteries, eat our food. It has the same effect.

18

Immodium: Because a plug would make you walk funny.

Disney: We own you. Really. Ask around. We can wait.

19

Time Warner Cable: You should be watching us. After all, we’re watching you!

Cinemax: Because you know you don’t want to go down to the video store to rent soft core porn.

White Castle: Our food tastes bad and will very likely cause gastrointestinal distress but we’re open all night and we’re cheap!

Hallmark: When you care enough to stop by the grocery store on your way home to get your loved ones a cheap card because you forgot to get a gift.

20

Reminds me of a Dutch cartoon I once saw. The setting is a corporate boardroom, and the management is sitting around a table discussing. On the table is a pack of toilet paper.

President: We need a new slogan for our Cheek Hug toilet paper.
Board member 1: How’s about this? “Let the softness of Cheek Hug embrace you”*.
Prez: Nah, waaay too Sixties. Too soft.
BM2: Yeah, I agree. How’s this? “Cheek Hug will reveal your inner tranquility”.
Prez: No way, that’s complete Flower Power. Way too Seventies. Nuh-uh.
BM1: Yeah, that’s even worse than mine.
BM3: Here’s a good one: “Renewed Cheek Hug now has 25% more paper per roll!”.
Prez: Too much emphasis on efficiency, too Eighties.
BM4 (who has appeared disinterested so far): Alright, I’ve got it. “Cheek Hug. ‘Cause it’s the damned best way to wipe your fuckin’ ass”.
All: Brilliant! We have a winner!!
Prez: God, these brainstorm sessions are so inspirational!