What commercials say to you

‘Why are these people surprised? They just found out they were secretly tasting Sam Adams Boston Lager.’
Takeaway: ‘Sam Adams. The beer we have to trick people to drink.’

‘We’ll verify your insurance for free!’
Takeaway: You don’t really have anything to offer, so you’re going to try to fool people into thinking you’re giving them something that you and everyone else does anyway.

‘Maybe it’s called “the beaten path” because it can be beaten.’
Alternate explanation: Maybe it’s called ‘the beaten path’ because it’s full of wankers.

“Stay thirsty, my friends”
Takeaway: This beer doesn’t quench your thirst.

My new least favorite commercial is for the Dunkin Donuts spicy breakfast sausage sandwich

Takeaway: If you’re an insanely jealous nitwit, you shouldn’t let your boyfriend go to Dunkin Donuts.

Yikes! That reminds me of the recent KFC commercials, where the husband comes in and goes all psycho jealous husband on the poor counter guy - “You gave my wife an extra piece of chicken - I know you’re fucking her.” {Twitch, twitch}

I always like the commercials for beers where their main feature is how cold the beer is. Seriously? That’s all your beer has going for it - it can be brought to the same temperature as everything else being kept in that fridge?

I hear Coors commercials on the radio that say “With great beer comes great responsibility.”

What that tells me is that Coors is the most irresponsible brewer on the planet.

“Men are idiots. Mock them mercilessly for not knowing how to use common household appliances.”

“Talking on a cell phone when you’re trying to do something that takes both hands is probably not a good idea.”

Clothing ads: “buy and wear our expensive clothes and you will look 20 years younger, and be able to have unlimited sex with whoever you desire”!:cool:

On the other side of that stupidity, women are all massive bitches who will come to blows over gravy. And are always hiding their recipes from each other.

As my husband and I say after seeing a commercial like that, “It’ll get you laid!”

“Become the World’s Most Powerful Fan.”

Takeaway: don’t subscribe to our service unless you are a colossal asshole or want to become one.

Axe commercials: Face it, you’re a loser who’s never gonna get laid on your own, so you better buy our stuff.

There’s a Tim Hortons commercial in Canada right now that drives me fucking looney. Two women are standing in line behind a guy, and they’re looking at the beef sandwich on the menu, So, they start saying things like “Oh, that is hot.” “I’ve got to get me some of that hot beef.” “Oh, ya. That’s what I need to bite into.”

Of course the guy in line ahead of them is thinking that they are talking about him, and he’s all flattered and embarrassed and wanting to get a blow job from them.

Can you FUCKING imagine if this was filmed with two males saying the same thing about a sexy female in line ahead of them? Can you? There would be hell to pay.

Fuck you Tim Hortons and your shitty excuse for a commercial. And fuck societly for thinking one option is OK, and the other is not.

Our cars are not safe enough to be driven by anyone but professionals on a closed course.

What you see our trucks doing? You’ll never be able to do this.

Warning - this product contains hallucinogenic compounds.

This product is ‘new and improved’ - that old crap you were buying - it sucked.

Which requires taking off the said clothes.

I like ads for used cars in the free flyers and on Craigslist that conclude with “Hurry! Won’t last long!”.

Hey, when I buy a car, I want it to last.

I was actually thinking about switching to Axe because I liked their TV commercials, but then I saw a magazine ad that showed a nerd being transformed into a rock star after using Axe.:rolleyes:

I can’t think of any specific ad but it seems like I see more and more ads where the slogan is something like “What the heck are they even trying to say?”

If I save 15% on car insurance when I switch all I have to do is switch 7 times and I won’t have to pay anything at all.

I always thought the Dominos commercials are kind of weird where they advertise the online ordering part by telling everyone how bad their phone customer service is

Dyson ads: We think you’re an idiot. Why? Because we figure that anytime someone talks to you dumb fuck Americans in a British accent that gives us instant credibility.

So annoying.

“I need some two-by-fours.”

“How long do you want them?”

“A long time. I’m building a house.”

“Eat me, eat me! I’m delicious!”

“People who switched to our car insurance saved, on average, $350.”

Because the many who had to pay more didn’t switch.

“Nothing fights pain better.”

We’re just as good as anything else.