The “men won’t turn down an offer” is of course the more succint notion behind the stereotype that “women can have sex any time they wish to just say yes, men have to work for it”, and equally unsupported.
I can see we’d be that way. . . if we knew we had been dimensionally transported to Planet Porn, where that’s the purpose of all existence; but here in the RW we just may have better things to do. And even at that base level, “wouldn’t refuse sex if asked…” often has the unvoiced caveat of “…by the Playmate of the Year” in the man’s mind.
False. I’m happily married now, but even before that I pretty much only slept with women I was in love with (or thought I was anyway). It’s just who I am and I’m sure there are other men who are the same way.
While I’m no great shakes by any means, I have turned down sex. I was in a relationship at the time. I was being offered a night, maybe 2 tops. But I already had a commitment for 3 weeks out of every 4, and as far into the future as my eyes could see.
Did you mention how big/ugly she is? Honestly. If you read here you would think that most men will only have sex for true love. Truth is that many man are more visually stimulated than women. But women can be just as shallow looks wise. There are no absolutes. I happen to not be particularly attracted to big women (although that has not been rule either). I have deflected overtures from some that have shown interest even though I did like them as a person. It happens.
What mature adult actually believes that any given guy would have sex with any given girl if she practically throws herself at him? Yes guys have quite the high sex drive during their early years, but it’s naive to think they’ll have sex with literally any girl that’s in their life. It’s fun to joke now and again that they will, but to sincerely believe it? Wow.
It seems in the OP that the two are friends. I know I would be less likely to sleep with someone I am friends with unless I was 100% sure I wanted it to be something serious. If something happens with someone I don’t know well and it turns out to be nothing no big deal. If it happens with a friend it could ruin the friendship. Of course alchohol could change the equation. Which is how I got married.
Intellectually, we know this. However, we also live in a culture which reinforces every single day that men are unrepentant horn dogs and any woman who wants to get laid can, by any man that is handy. It doesn’t help that men feel the pressure to assert their masculinity by loudly proclaiming all the women they’d “tap” if they got the chance. In a discussion with my brother, I was astonished to learn that from his viewpoint, men said it as an ironic joke. Every time I heard or read such a comment, I’d thought it was completely sincere.
So even though, logically, most of us recognize that this one, individual man is actually tired, upset, sick, likes us but doesn’t like-like us, whatever, our kneejerk reaction is “oh my god, I’m an ugly loser!”. It takes both space and time to regain our objectivity and remember that “man turned me down for sex” does not equal “I am a butt ugly skank undeserving of love.”
This, times 1000. I’m getting really irritated by the overcorrection of the trend in the other direction from the 1970s. I think there are probably some valid generalizations about innate differences between the sexes but in each case it’s a matter of trends, with lots of overlap and plenty of examples of individuals of either sex who are more {WHATEVER} than the majority of the other sex.
The best guide for understanding the other sex is still imagining how you yourself would feel in the other sex’s situation.
For me it was actually the opposite–I became a bit more relaxed in my attitude towards no-strings sex as I got into my late 20s than when I was in college. I was just never comfortable with it. Off the top of my head, I could think of four or five situations in that time period where an attractive girl was obviously sending overtures my way, but I deflected them each time (by changing the subject) partly because, at the time, it just made me uncomfortable. And also because I was just no good at keeping emotions and sex separate. Not every guy wants to fuck everything that’s willing to spread their legs.
I once turned down sex with a extremely hot female. We were sleeping in the same room (separate beds) in the aftermath of a party, and we were both drunk and loose. She asked me to come over and “warm her up”, and I just sort of laughed and said “I’m okay”.
All these years later and looking back on the incident, I’ll be damned if I know exactly why I said no, but I suspect it had something to do with the fact that she was a total bitch and I didn’t like her…hence, I had no desire to please her in any way.
I think that if I happened now, though, I’d look around the dislike that I had for her and go for it.
