TV Ads

The BBQ Pit
1

I am fucking sick to the back teeth of constantly being bombarded with ads for:

Home Insurance
Health Insurnace
Car Insurance
Loans
DIY
New windows
New bathrooms
New fuckineverything
New whiter than fucking white washing powders
Toothpaste
Mouthwash

As a matter of fact I’m heartily fed up of all TV ads.

Just ignore me, I’m feeling really cranky today and I don’t know why.

Now, all of you, “Get off my fucking lawn”

2

Perhaps you’ve been injured in an accident. If so, I’ll get you the money you rightfully deserve.

3

I can turn your car title into cold hard CA$H!

4

And that’s another one that really pisses me off

5

I could do without all the ads for “male enhancement” and feminine products.

6

Thankfully, I’m a doctor and a lawyer, so you get two important people fighting for you, for the price of one.

7

Every single commercial break on the channels I watch:

Cash4Gold will buy your jewelry and melt it down, EVEN IF IT’S UNSTYLISH OR BROKEN! They’re saints, they are.

Cancer Treatment Centers will be nicer to you than your old doctor, as long as you have lots of insurance.

There are plenty of exciting job opportunities for trained chefs and fashion designers.

I want to call them up and suggest they hire an ad salesman with more than three cards in his Rolodex.

8

You forgot cars and cellular phone companies. Hell, those two put together probably make up at least 10%* of the ads on TV.

*Figure pulled directly from my ass. My ass has a +/- 3% margin of error.

9

Things I’ve Learned from TV Ads:

  1. Germans make good stuff
  2. Icelanders have great memories
  3. The Swiss are all beautiful and in awesome shape
  4. The proper hair color will make a man more manly and get him laid

There are more, but I (happily) can’t remember them now.

10

The one I’ve been bombarded with is that silly anti-snore mouthpiece thingy. Wear it and it thrusts your jaw forward an inch or so. Doesn’t that sound comfortable to wear all night?

11

Especially during Brady Bunch reruns.

Marcia Marcia Marcia!

12

One ray of sunshine in the darkness:

"A federal judge has ordered infomercial marketer Kevin Trudeau to pay more than $37 million for violating a 2004 stipulated order by misrepresenting the content of his book, “The Weight Loss Cure ‘They’ Don’t Want You to Know About.”

Of course, this could lead to a lucrative speaking career for Trudeau, “Misleading Infomercials That ‘They’ Don’t Want You To Know About”.

13

Live happens, CheckSmart Helps!

Helps you get into a fucking rotation of debt you can never get out of, but hey life happens.

14

Every time i see that fucker’s face, i just want to take a cricket bat to it. I’m glad the Feds have come down on his deceptive and fraudulent claims, but i think that if he violates another order, they should just throw him in the slammer.

15

Sell your old cellphone, get mega bucks…my arse.

You can now borrow enough money to get you completely out of debt…how the fuck does that work?

Realise your assets, sell your home (yeah right, then pay fucking rent)

New improved" Wheatopops" …now with berries and nuts…oh ffs sake do me a favour

Seriously, when I’m world dictator I know who is up against the wall first

16

You people watch the ads? Don’t you know they’re for going to pee, making a sandwich or taking the dog for a walk? Sheesh!

17

Glad to hear these horrible ads aren’t limited to the States…someone else can share in the misery!

Can’t even watch a fucking football game (American, that is) with my grandson without seeing multitudes of boner pill commercials. Grrr.

18

At the same time? Eww!

19

Perhaps if I sent the Freecreditreport band over to play for you it would cheer you up

20

I’m driving a truck with my social security number on it in big red numbers through downtown Manhattan ALL DAY!