Cut their tongues out first, and it definitely would!
I have a great idea, put hundreds of dollars of untraceable gold jewelry into a paper envelope and send it to a foundry, what’s the worst that could happen?
Well, we do have the Super Bowl, which is famous for charging high rates for the commercials and getting some pretty creative spots.
Agreed with the OP, with one exception: the Progressive.com commercials. She’s hot. 
Of course, then you’ll be looking for these guys: “I want my money and I want it NOW!!”.
The googly-eye money stack creeps me out. Fuck you Geico.
Have you ever played the Couch Potato game? It’s a card game where you look for different items during the commercials. It’s really hard to get rid of beer when you’re not watching sports. 
I was just complaining about the new Activia commercial that goes something like this:
“All this running around and eating has made me. . . irregular.”
“Do you eat Activia?”
“No. I live alone.”
Hurrrrr?
They can take “that certain part of the male anatomy” (enhanced, preferably) and shove it up “that certain part of the human anatomy.”
Well, my GOD, you don’t want to have that active culture in the house if there’s nobody there to rescue you when it goes bad, breaks out of the fridge, and takes you hostage demanding it be hooked up with a cup of buttermilk to make new cultures with!
As luck would have it, I’m reading this on another tab in my browser. When times are tough, the bottom feeders get better time slots. Now you don’t have to have insomnia to get Sham-wow’d!
I have this device called a TV remote. I watch very few ads. The news pisses me off because they are timed so every local news breaks at the same time. Thats when I jump to the cable shows.eventually I escape unaded.
Now, now-- I love me some Vince. “Come a little closer, camera guy.” “You know Germans-- they make good stuff.” “You’re gonna love my nuts!”
I have also learned from tv ads that women lie - all the time, and about nothing very important (candles and cooking, mostly). Guys, you should be aware of this - your woman is always lying, cause that’s what women do. I don’t lie about what cheese I use in a meal - they’re going to take away my Female Card if I don’t snap into line!
And we count the things we touch, then while being filmed, steal boxes of tissues.
I can never take the Binder and Binder guy seriously, his hat cracked me up the first few times I saw it, then the other day they added to the commercial, they showed an aide of some sort and he was wearing the exact same hat. Kills me.
Commercials on my hit list currently:
-the dog nail trimmer.
-Wal Mart touting about spending only three dollars to cash your check.
-1-800-Safe Auto
-Hey! Its time to cut back spending! Buy your Superbowl party snacks at Wal Mart!
-The Cottonelle dog can just go off and die.
-Any Wal Mart ad.
I’m good with my hatred with ads. I don’t get out much anymore.
If I order RIGHT NOW I’ll get two for the price of one. But if I wait two more seconds I’ll get a fantastic BONUS and all I’ll have to do is pay shipping and handling. But if I wait three more seconds I can get it for just three easy payments of $19.95.
I have to hurry, though. I’ve waited so long that I have to order in the next 30 minutes to qualify for my SPECIAL BONUS.
Bottom 5 commercial ads which drive me batshit crazy each time (in increasing order of Irritation Quotient):
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Any erectile dysfunction ads, especially Smilin’ Bob Enzyte, who still manages to occasionally sneak through my cable company’s attempts to pre-empt his grinning ass.
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Bleeding heart lawyers, such as our local stigmatics Morgan & Morgan, dripping with enough fake sincerity to totally coat Mount Ranier with chocolate syrup, with their spurting tickers on top as the cherry.
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J G Wentworth would have gone here 2 months ago, but they apparently have ditched their ridiculous ad campaign (involving opera singers at one point), for something much more low key. Instead I’ll choose those cell phone ads with that idiot guy in glasses and his army of technicians who are apparently there at your every beck and call 24 hours a day-I’m sure they would inspect my nether regions for dingleberries if I asked them to.
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Geico ads of any way, shape, or form, cavemen, geckos, whoever. Yeah being relentlessly obnoxious is a sure way to get me to buy your fucking insurance, cuntwipes.
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FreeCreditReport.com ads, which just keep getting worse and worse with each new one. There should be a special hell reserved for someone who is selling something so blatantly misleading on all stations at all hours nonstop.
I want to know what’s up with the toilet paper ads using the fact they don’t stick to your bum as a selling point. Buh? How often does that happen?
He’s right about the germans making good stuff. Like concentration camps, furnaces, reichs…
Well, reichs, not so much. The last one was supposed to last for a thousand years, if the label was anything to go by, and how long did it take before it just wasn’t there any more? Fifteen years? Sixteen?