Two truths and a lie

The Game Room
81

[QUOTE=JR Brown]
Hmmm, I was thinking I’d go with “peed on by a lion”, but that’s already taken…

Editorial comments added for flavor and not part of “truthiness”.

  1. When my Mom was in college [New York in the 60’s], she briefly dated Art Spiegelman.

  2. A former colleague [who I know well and worked with closely] was listed by People magazine as one of the “Sexiest Men Alive”.

  3. I have been bitten [but not necessarily injured] by at least one individual of each of the following species: dog, cat, mouse, bat, turtle, donkey, parrot, hawk or falcon (I dunno which), snake. [I still have scars from one of these incidents.]
    [/QUOTE]

  4. I gotta hear the stories if this is true. How neurotic was he?

  5. Seems false because the only Sexiest Man Alive winners I know of are super A-list actors, but I don’t follow People Magazine, and maybe you know a super A-list actor anyway.

  6. I’m gonna go with this one being the lie, because hawks and falcons are as easy to tell apart as cats and dogs. I think even someone who had never been around them could tell them apart pretty intuitively.

82

[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat]
Okay. Let’s try again:

  1. I was once the tech guy for an Internet broadcast for Al Gore (when he was VP)

  2. I have never been hunting, but I have shot a deer (fatally)

  3. I once sang the Star Spangled Banner at the start of a major-league baseball game (not televised, but using the microphone on the park’s sound system)
    [/QUOTE]

I’ll go with number 1. It sounds just mundane enough to be believable, but how many internet braodcasts were going around before 2000? The other two seem like the sort of stories that are just wacky enough (for number 2) or just exciting enough (for number 3) to be true.

  1. Sex columnist Dan Savage publically questioned my sexual prowess.
  2. I was a collegiate national champion… in croquet.
  3. I was arrested for sleeping in my car in a church parking lot in a backwoods Georgia town.
83

[QUOTE=pravnik]
In that case, let’s say number 3, the power cable one.
[/QUOTE]
Nope, that happened too, although I may have exaggerated slightly as it didn’t slice right through. There was certainly enough insulation missing to see the metal of the wire, though.

I have been to NZ, but I’ve never bungee-jumped - complete fabrication.

Diomedes, I’m going to go with #2 being the lie, though I hope it isn’t - I love croquet and I have been national student champion in the UK!

84

  1. I’ve never had a job that lasted for more than two weeks.

  2. I’ve never had a pet that lived for more than two weeks.

  3. I’ve never had a relationship that lasted for more than two weeks.

85

[QUOTE=Diomedes]

  1. Sex columnist Dan Savage publically questioned my sexual prowess.
  2. I was a collegiate national champion… in croquet.
  3. I was arrested for sleeping in my car in a church parking lot in a backwoods Georgia town.
    [/QUOTE]

#1 is definitely true, as it’s just too specific. Yeah, I’ll also have to go with #2 as the lie, but #3 is a possibility.

86

[QUOTE=Diomedes]

[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat]
Okay. Let’s try again:

  1. I was once the tech guy for an Internet broadcast for Al Gore (when he was VP)

  2. I have never been hunting, but I have shot a deer (fatally)

  3. I once sang the Star Spangled Banner at the start of a major-league baseball game (not televised, but using the microphone on the park’s sound system)
    [/QUOTE]
    I’ll go with number 1. It sounds just mundane enough to be believable, but how many internet braodcasts were going around before 2000? The other two seem like the sort of stories that are just wacky enough (for number 2) or just exciting enough (for number 3) to be true.
    [/QUOTE]
    Actually, #1 is quite true. It was one of the first Internet broadcasts, and it was text-only, transcribed in realtime by a court reporter.

You now have a 50% chance…

87

[QUOTE=Cisco]

  1. I gotta hear the stories if this is true. How neurotic was he?

  2. Seems false because the only Sexiest Man Alive winners I know of are super A-list actors, but I don’t follow People Magazine, and maybe you know a super A-list actor anyway.

  3. I’m gonna go with this one being the lie, because hawks and falcons are as easy to tell apart as cats and dogs. I think even someone who had never been around them could tell them apart pretty intuitively.
    [/QUOTE]

Weell, it was in central Mexico, and it was a baby whatever-it-was: bigger than a bluejay but smaller than a crow, brown on the top and white or greyish on the underside, and it had blue markings around the eyes; I tried google-imageing for it but came up blank (incidentally, “falcon blue eyes” for some reason gets results that are totally NSFW :eek: ).

88

[QUOTE=VarlosZ]

  1. I’ve never had a job that lasted for more than two weeks.

  2. I’ve never had a pet that lived for more than two weeks.

  3. I’ve never had a relationship that lasted for more than two weeks.
    [/QUOTE]

#1 seems plausible if you’re an independent contractor. #3 seems like the kind of story nobody would want to make up out of whole cloth. Thus, I’ll say #2 is the lie, although it’s certainly possible that you limit your “pets” to mayflies and the like.

89

I disagree. #3 sounds like something no-on would admit to in a public forum if true, so it’s the lie :).

90

[QUOTE=Dead Cat]
Nope, that happened too, although I may have exaggerated slightly as it didn’t slice right through. There was certainly enough insulation missing to see the metal of the wire, though.

I have been to NZ, but I’ve never bungee-jumped - complete fabrication.

Diomedes, I’m going to go with #2 being the lie, though I hope it isn’t - I love croquet and I have been national student champion in the UK!
[/QUOTE]

Oh, I’m happy to tell you it wasn’t two. One of the most fun things about the whole event is that the championship was held at an ultra-exclusive cricket club just west of Philadelphia. One of the guys from my college who went with me had grown up miles from the place, and been refused entry as a child because he was Indian. Place didn’t integrate until the mid-90’s.

Number one, of course, is far too specific to be made up: Dan spoke at UNC Chapel Hill, and caught me scoffing when he mentioned that straight boys didn’t know their ass from their elbows in bed. He called me out and proceded to humiliate me. One of the best nights of my life.

Three was the lie: while the redneck cops threatened to arrest me, they eventually consented to escort me out of town, instead.

91

[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat]
Actually, #1 is quite true. It was one of the first Internet broadcasts, and it was text-only, transcribed in realtime by a court reporter.

You now have a 50% chance…
[/QUOTE]

I’ll take number three, and cross my fingers for a great story on number two.

92

[QUOTE=Diomedes]
I’ll take number three, and cross my fingers for a great story on number two.
[/QUOTE]
You are correct. Here’s the story on #2:

I had just moved from California to Montana. My ranch had a driveway coming right onto a 2-lane highway with a 70mph speed limit. I was coming home one night after dark, slowing to turn into my driveway, and a deer jumped out of the bushes into the road. There was no way I could stop in time or swerve to miss. I was probably only going 30mph when I hit the deer, but I clearly broke its spine.

The deer dragged itself off to the side of the road using its front legs and laid there, alive but suffering. Not having a gun at the time, I didn’t know what to do. I’m not the kind of guy that can casually put a dead animal out of its misery with a pocketknife, so I drove to my neighbor’s house.

Picture this. The man has met me once. I knock on his door at 11:00 at night and ask if he has a gun. His response?

“Shotgun or rifle?” I asked for the shotgun.

“How many shells?” I said one would do.

I went back over to the deer and dispatched it pretty much point-blank. I hope I never again hear the sound that deer made when I killed it. I dreamed about it for weeks.

I took the gun back to my neighbor and thanked him. He never did ask why I borrowed it.

Yes, by the way, I know I broke a number of laws when I did that: I discharged a firearm within 50 feet of a public highway, shot a deer out of season, shot a deer without a license, shot a deer without a deer tag, and so forth. But I will not leave an animal to suffer like that. I explained it all to the Sheriff and he told me next time I should call him at home so he could give me permission in advance.

93

[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat]
You are correct. Here’s the story on #2:

I had just moved from California to Montana. My ranch had a driveway coming right onto a 2-lane highway with a 70mph speed limit. I was coming home one night after dark, slowing to turn into my driveway, and a deer jumped out of the bushes into the road. There was no way I could stop in time or swerve to miss. I was probably only going 30mph when I hit the deer, but I clearly broke its spine.

The deer dragged itself off to the side of the road using its front legs and laid there, alive but suffering. Not having a gun at the time, I didn’t know what to do. I’m not the kind of guy that can casually put a dead animal out of its misery with a pocketknife, so I drove to my neighbor’s house.

Picture this. The man has met me once. I knock on his door at 11:00 at night and ask if he has a gun. His response?

“Shotgun or rifle?” I asked for the shotgun.

“How many shells?” I said one would do.

I went back over to the deer and dispatched it pretty much point-blank. I hope I never again hear the sound that deer made when I killed it. I dreamed about it for weeks.

I took the gun back to my neighbor and thanked him. He never did ask why I borrowed it.

Yes, by the way, I know I broke a number of laws when I did that: I discharged a firearm within 50 feet of a public highway, shot a deer out of season, shot a deer without a license, shot a deer without a deer tag, and so forth. But I will not leave an animal to suffer like that. I explained it all to the Sheriff and he told me next time I should call him at home so he could give me permission in advance.
[/QUOTE]

I’m still curious about the R.L. Stine one…

Anyway, from the chronicles of My Boring Life™.

  1. I once built a small multi-room fort with my friends out of cardboard and just a wittle wood reinforcement when I was really young.
  2. I have a half-brother about 15 years older than me I haven’t seen since I was a baby.
  3. I once got to pilot a boat for one of the river adventure rides at Disney World.
94

[QUOTE=Jragon]
I’m still curious about the R.L. Stine one…
[/QUOTE]
I was at a book conference, and was seated next to R.L. Stine at one of the meals (they arranged things so that there were authors and booksellers intermingled at the tables). He was talking about a book signing he’d done (I think it was in NY City), and I said “What are the chances of getting you out to Montana for a book signing?” He laughed. Not just a chuckle. A full-bellied laugh. And it continued. Five seconds. I’m feeling embarrassed. Ten seconds. The other people at the table are squirming. Finally he stopped.

He looked at me and said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed. But MONTANA? That’s funny!” And he started laughing again.

I’ve been writing books for ten years and owned a bookstore for seven, and no author has ever been that rude before or since.

Oh, and as for your three, I’m going to pick #2 as the lie. Number 1 is something I think a lot of us have done, and #3 sounds really cool, like something you’d really have done.

95
  1. I made Terry Pratchett laugh out loud. Twice.
  2. My godmother is a Moonie.
  3. I sit down semi-regularly to have drinks with one of my childhood idols.
96

[QUOTE=Little Plastic Ninja]

  1. I made Terry Pratchett laugh out loud. Twice.
  2. My godmother is a Moonie.
  3. I sit down semi-regularly to have drinks with one of my childhood idols.
    [/QUOTE]

#3 sounds familiar, though I don’t recall if you were the one who posted a similar story. #1 seems too specific to be made up, unless you’ve substituted Pratchett’s name for that of the real celebrity. So I’ll go with #2.

97

[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat]
I took the gun back to my neighbor and thanked him. He never did ask why I borrowed it.
[/QUOTE]

Even in Montana, that’s called “plausible deniability.” :slight_smile:

98

[QUOTE=Little Plastic Ninja]

  1. I made Terry Pratchett laugh out loud. Twice.
  2. My godmother is a Moonie.
  3. I sit down semi-regularly to have drinks with one of my childhood idols.
    [/QUOTE]

I agree: gotta be #2.

#1 If it were a lie you’d say someone like Gabe Kaplan.
#2 A Moonie? Come on.
#3 Too specific. If you were lying you’d provide a name and not say semi-regularly.

Mine:

  1. The heir to the Muppets fortune is in love with my son.

  2. I told Brad Pitt, “Go get 'em!” just before he took the altar at his wedding.

  3. Jose Canseco gave me steroids and it enabled me to dunk a basketball.

BTW: awesome deer story, thanks for sharing.

99

[QUOTE=Moonchild]
I agree: gotta be #2.

  1. The heir to the Muppets fortune is in love with my son.

  2. I told Brad Pitt, “Go get 'em!” just before he took the altar at his wedding.

  3. Jose Canseco gave me steroids and it enabled me to dunk a basketball.

BTW: awesome deer story, thanks for sharing.
[/QUOTE]

3 has to be the fake. I mean, the Canseco gave me steroids would be questionable enough, but I highly doubt steroids aren’t going to suddenly allow someone to dunk a basketball who couldn’t already do so (or at the very least couldn’t already come close).

And for number #2, which wife?

100

[QUOTE=Jragon]

  1. I once built a small multi-room fort with my friends out of cardboard and just a wittle wood reinforcement when I was really young.
  2. I have a half-brother about 15 years older than me I haven’t seen since I was a baby.
  3. I once got to pilot a boat for one of the river adventure rides at Disney World.
    [/QUOTE]

I’m going to say #3 is a lie.

Mine:

  1. Despite being a virgin, I write good porn and have been told so by a sex worker.
  2. I’ve played with a wolf and been attacked by deer.
  3. I’ve never seen a naked man in real life.