You know someone who has a gun. I promise you.
Two weeks later…
The Brits unleash their secret weapons on Texans - Marmite and cricket. Children are taken hostage and forced to eat toast spread with Marmite.
Parents who are willing to pay the ransom are rounded up in the state’s biggest stadium and forced to watch a game of cricket, which peters out into a draw after 40 hours of play spread over 5 days.
At the end of play on each day, they must watch Cliff Richard in concert with support from Ginger Spice.
Before play on each day, they must sit through a compilation of interviews with charismatic national team football captain David Beckham.
In order to leave the ground each day, they must use the correct “password”: “I love cricket. I love football*. I love Marmite.”
Anyone saying “soccer” will be forced to watch the next 5-day cricket match.
Since Britain can only put a few thousand troops ashore via amphibous assault, it would be some trick for GB to take Texas. Those few thousand troops would have to take and hold a port long enough to unload the heavies. I wouldn’t put great odds on the Brits holding a port long enough to do that. Going with the 10% rule of thumb, the Texas Grand Army of the Republic would number some 2.2 million, who could drive to the front, as oppossed to the Brits who would have to ship everything in. Gallipolli redux at best, I say. No West Ireland for now.
And don’t forget, there are nukes in Texas. Crazy bastards would probably break them up and use 'em in chili, but they are sitting around…
Everybody I know has a gun. Most have a BUNCH of guns. Most spend several weeks or months out of the year practicing their abilities to hide, shoot with expertice, practically memorize the topography and have lived here their whole lives. That is IMHO hundreds of thousands of “good ol’ boys” (perhaps millions) that will shoot your ass on sight and they all have extra high powered weapons with scopes and they know how to use them. Many have some military training or are in some branch of the service. Add to that the militia, the hundreds of thousands of law enforcement officers, the National guard units and every soldier that is in the US armed forces that is from Texas.
Plus…we’re gonna empty out the prisons (amnesty) and let them fight too. There are more bases in Texas than there are in the UK all with state of the art weaponry and people that are experts in the use of these weapons. Air Force bases…a navy…NASA and a shitload of weapons plants and munition warehouses. Every city has stores and pawn shops FULL of guns and ammunition. I know several gunsmiths that keep fully automatic weapons and plenty of civilians as well.
A buddy of mine is an actual sniper for TDCJ and he’s got the names of a shitload of others. If anyone thinks Texas is full of pussys then you haven’t spent much time here.
If y’all recall…Texas was still fighting the Civil War months after it was over. We kicked the shit out of Mexico with a bunch of volunteers…not all Texans I know but…the point is, you ain’t been in a fight 'til you mess with Texas.
Shit…I was just thinking about it and not only does everybody have a gun…most of them keep it on them. I’m sitting here at my computer and there’s three within reach and they’re all loaded.
You might actually defeat the “military” after losing untold thousands of people. But you will NEVER get all of the rebels out of the countryside. That is a fact. These guys love to fucking hunt and are good at it. Y’all ain’t gotta clue.
and BTW a lot of the women are gonna be shootin at your ass too. We teach our kids to hunt at an early age as well. You don’t wanna go there. You’ll have over half the population up in arms.
BTW
I’ll see if I can find y’all a cite. But I read an article recently which stated that there are over 70 million privately owned registered guns in Texas.
That is IMHO not even a drop in the bucket when compared to EVERY gun, registered plus probably ten times that many unregistered and that doesn’t take into account the military or professionals ie: law enforcement.
Hell, we’ve got an army in itself if you just count them.
Have some sense, man! The UK is a signatory to the Geneva Convention. We don’t want to risk being tried for crimes against humanity.
Ah, but how’s the Texan ack-ack these days?
I promise you all, I will be a benevolent king. I might even let you continue with some of your quaint native customs, such as cheerleading, which will of take place for my pleasure in my private 800-room palace (built on the site of some old derelict building I had demolished. I think the natives called it “the Alamo”).
OK, Skip, but those chilli-munchers were getting pretty agitated and rather too bloody gung-ho for my liking. I guess I kind of lost it.
The Alamo was rebuilt by us because it was completely destroyed back then. You best not start fuckin with our landmarks or else we might just hafta take the fight overseas. Don’t think that y’all are gonna come over here and not het a fight at home too. We can soare a couple of million folks JUST for that if pushed.
Practically, every city and town here has an airport, there are several military air bases as well. If we’re fightin at home I reckon we could send a few thousand aircraft y’alls way loaded to the gills with troops.
How’d ya feel about a million crazy ass cowboys with guns landing in that prissy ass country of yours. Especially since y’all done sent everything you got over here. This thing can work both ways ya know. 
ack-ack… I love 'em why you need some. It ain’t completely illegal to own assault weapons ya know. O know lotsa folks who’ve got 'em and BTW MOST semi automatic weapons are easily converted to fully automatic. Not that it’d be needed. I don’t miss what I shoot at. Neither do the rest of us. When I sight in a rifle, if I don’t cut holes in the bull it ain’t on sight. One shot, one kill. That’s my motto.
BUT if you’ll recall what I was saying earlier…all we gotta do is clean out the local gun shops. Most of 'em have state of the art in the back room for folks with the right paperwork to buy 'em. You can’t win. No way in hell.
And there was I thinking that Texas was full of women with shoulder pads and men with big hats. Tell you what, if I went into business in Texas, it would definitely be as a weapon manufacturer!
I’ll tell ya what Roger… one of the BEST and most profitable businesses to have in the State of Texas is as a gun dealer or a pawn shop owner that has weapons. No bullshit. I used to tell my wife whenever I bought a gun that it was better’n money in the bank.
Matter of fact…once upon a time in my youth. 1983 to be precise…I lived for a year on the money that I made ONLY by selling the guns that I had acquired over about a three year period. I still have some of those guns in my cabinet, I didn’t even have to sell all of them and we partied our asses off that year. So it wasn’t like I was exactly being thrifty with my cash.
:eek: (almost as good as selling dope and it’s legal)
Could we take Texas? - we wouldn’t even need to send our army - our football supporters would beat you like ginger step children.
But look on the bright side - you’d get the Queen on your money (always a classy touch). You’d be in the commonwealth with Canada (so you might want to learn some French). And you would get telly without adverts, and lots of comedy shows with men wearing dressess (there is nothing funnier to a Brit than this).
You would be able to replace all that tex mex food with Steak and KIdney pudding and oxtail soup.
You would also get beer that tastes of something.
Also all your death penalty decisions would have to be referred to London where some old men in wigs and tights would tell you what to do.
You would have to change the name of the place to something like Her Majesty’s Dominion Of West Cornwall.
They also wear those oh-so-foppish bolo ties and modish “cowboy” pixie boots with high heels. You could make money off them, too. And shirts with ruffles.
I’m sure that Florida, Mississippi, Alabama and Lousiana would all support and allow staging British troops there in staging this grand endeavour. If not then Mexico surely would. The initial invasion would go a lot like the Alamo. Much would be made of it by Texas but it would be a grand disaster for the Texans involved. But afterwards I’m sure many Texan insurgents would make Baghdad look like a cake walk. Of course the rich folks would immediately welcome their new British overlords, but the folks that drink Lonestar and take their BBQ and chili seriously would be a lot harder to weed out. My prediction is that Britainnia wins the war but loses the peace.
Oh, and Owl, Shiner Bock is actually pretty good stuff. Lonestar, not so much, IMHO.
Of course the main problem with this scenario is that the British Army only goes to war on the same side as the Bush family - so we’d actually have to take out the other 49 states for the texans.
That would take an extra week.
kidney pudding? oxtail soup? men wearin dresses and gingerbread kids?
Are you listening to yourself?
The death penalty seems to be working pretty good around here. What are y’all gonna fix it or something?
And BTW… I like my porterhouse steak cut thick and cooked rare and the beer made in Texas is ShinerBock… it’s a rich dark beer that’s gotta kick. You can keep that wanna be shit at home. What I drank there was more like drinkin chocolate milk.
Also, There ain’t no ruffled shirts or high heeled boots and bolo ties? What TV show you been watching?
I do have a colt .45 though if you wanna compare sidearms. and a 357 & 38 & 44 & 32 & 9mm & etc etc…
We haven’t even gotten to the long guns yet. You wanna start with shotguns single, double, pump or auto…which gauges?
How about rifles…big bore, bolt action, pump, semi auto or full?
Don’t matter to me, hell let’s do it. What you got? A stick?
Fighting talk, t-keela. Unfortunately, not good enough. We just take over your local TV stations and put “On The Buses” and “Love Thy Neighbour” on an endless loop.
You’ll be laying down your Smith and Bloody Westerns and your Winchesters - now there’s a good Englsih name - before you can shout “Bobby Ewing”.
And we’ll soon have you eating Scotch eggs washed down by a nice warm pint of Theakston’s Old Peculier.
Well go after their landmarks, they do seem to last longer then yours though. But there are far far more to aim for
I can see it now…
“Look out, Earl, that guy’s wearing a scarf.”
A pointed stick, no less. And I’m adept at writing stern letters to newspaper editors.
Bring it on.
Roger me and most of my friends could give a shit less about the TV…I have said this before, many times. on the buses? love thy nayber? WTF?
I never even watched Friends or the Simpson when they were on. Still haven’t…the only Seinfeld or Cheers I ever watched was a rerun…
If wanna fuck with me or mine you’ll have to take Mexico and stop the export of tequila. Then you’d really be looking for a fight.