Ukelele Ike & Flora McFlimsey

Whazzup with them?


We’re actually the same person. Only ONE twisted sensibility could come up with two such bizarre handles. And have you ever seen us together? Huh?


Maybe their lives will become like Sarah Jessica Parker’s on Sex and the City. I imagine Flora, dressed in an uptown chic number, fluffing her voluminous hair as she chats with eligible bachelor Ike, sharing stories about their most impossible authors…obviously, I watch too much TV.

Sorry, Ukelele Ike. I’m keeping up with the NATO thread and it looks like you’re toast with Flora.

Too bad.


Well, I have high hopes for both these threads showing up in Cecil’s next book. As a real-life illustration of Nihilistic Pataphysics, or something.


Christ on a crutch…it’s bad enough we never make it onto anybody’s lists of Favorite Posters, NOW a thread named after us is slowly sinking to the bottom of the bowl.

I’ll do my best to keep it at the top.


I’m still trying to picture the offspring.

Continuing my efforts to keep this topic at the top of the list, Ukelele Ike.


HEY! I suggested a rendez-vous between these two months ago! Johnny come latelies!

“Owls will deafen us with their incessant hooting!” W. Smithers

Well, since Ike was Soooo nice to me in the “favorite posters” thread, I thought I should clear the air.

I do NOT object to platonic friendships with married men. Indeed, had I known there was a Mrs. Ukelele back in, oh, July or August, no doubt Ike and I would be at the Algonquin right now and I’d be cooing over his childrens’ snapshots.

What does make me feel I was played for a sap is the fact that he flirted back and made an after-work date with me, only to go, “oh, yes, I’m married–do you mind awfully? Are we still on?” About two months late, in my opinion.

Though I was miffed, I consider myself to have been given a lucky break in finding out before our date that he was, well, less than upfront, if not actually misrepesenting himself. Am I making too much of this? Perhaps, as Ike and I don’t actually know each other. But it did bring home the fact that “real relationships” and “on-line relationships” are two very different cups of tea.

Friends again? she says, glaring at him icily through her lorgnettes.

Hey! YOU offered to lend me a book! Were you going to hurl it through my office window from a speeding taxi?

Levity aside, I apologize again for misleading you, Flora, and for the irritation and/or embarrassment I caused you.

Call me an internet slut, a fairly common failing…when someone flirts, I flirt back. Would it be rude to do otherwise? I take comfort in the belief that our flirtations were carried out on a fairly high level; none of the “send me your used underwear” comments I’ve witnessed here (among married folks, often), with eyebrow raised and lip curled.

Since July you’ve made several jokes and comments about your marital status, and I should have responded at some point with a witticism about wives who pull the covers off you at midnight, or re-reading THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS, or teaching a small girl to play the clarinet.

Comfort yourself by imagining my guilt-racked week, thinking I had cost these boards one of their most charming contributors.

You’ll notice I’ve now allowed my e-mail address to be posted, leaving myself open to the geeks and deviants among our SDMB brothers and sisters. If you’d like to establish an e-mail link, please do; we can make another “date,” pursue a platonic RL friendship, I can get my hands on that BOOK, and then I can delete the link again and regain proper anonymity.

Friends again? Please.

Warmest regards,


Oh, and “lorgnette” is in itself plural. ;p

Ah, but I have several pair of lorgnettes, and I was glaring through all of them at once.

Well, if you’re THAT nearsighted, then the celebrity I resemble most is Harrison Ford.

(%#$@#&@%…was that flirting?)

“Hey! YOU offered to lend me a book! Were you going to hurl it through my office window from a speeding taxi?”

That can be arranged, yes.

(sigh) Oh, my. Another week of wearing the diving helmet to work. At least I can smoke indoors if I keep the face-plate screwed shut.

Well, just on the off-chance that other board members are keeping track of our sordid little soap opera: Ike and I have agreed to make up (without the kiss) and are meeting next week at the Algonquin after all.

So rather than being Nick & Nora Charles, we shall just be Mrs. Parker and Mr. Benchley.

< loud applause > Yay! Glad you could work it out…

sniff It’s so sweet… < dabbing eyes with hanky >

Wahoo. Wahoo.

I like to think that, by mentioning you two in the Favorite Posters thread, I played a small part in making platonic magic happen.

Ohh, to be a worm in the bottom of that bottle of tequila so I could listen to the conversational volleys they pass at the Algonquin. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear of people mention they noticed Dorothy Parker’s ghost walking around after Flora throws her first cutting bon mot Ike’s way. (It will be well deserved, but after that, the conversation will be civil.)