… While simultaneously sinking deep into a coma-like zen state in order to counter your a Philip Glass opera with a Montage of William Shatner Priceline.com Commercials!
Oh, I see what you’re trying to do. Time, I feel, to introduce Minor British Celebrities into the fray.
Ready?
Bob Holness beats Jesse Jackson Stump Speech!!!
Chicken momentarily dazes me with a reference to someone I’ve never heard of …
I quickly regain my composure and counter with Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeon!
…a Philip Glass opera…
[sub](oops, I’ll just turn that off for a moment…)[/sub]
<aside> Philip Glass is a minimalist composer whose music is characterized by extended repetition of short phrases, which are slowly altered over a long period of time. Most notable works include Einstein on the Beach and the soundtrack to the film Koyaanisqaatsi. <end aside>
Bob Holness, eh? So that’s the way you want to play it?
I’ll shunt your Bob Holness into a Rex the Runt cameo appearance and strike back with…wait for it…Jim Davidson! <dramatic chord>
I had heard tales of the mighty Babel Fish Translation and am relieved to have seen it – and lived!
I counter the Plastic Surgeon with a Vat of Industrial Strength Acetone*
(in case you dont know, acetone disolves plastic)
-Fox
I calmly face the gale-force mundanity of Jim Davidson down, countering his pathetic “Pacific Blue” with a Mid-Season Replacement John Leguizamo Ethnic Sitcom!!
And the John Leguizamo Ethnic Sitcom attack goes wide as it strikes the wrong Jim Davidson! Try again, bub!
In a flurry of attacks, I dropkick the Priceline.com Commercials, Shatner and all into a Stock Market Correction, then reverse and knock the Vat of Industrial Strength Acetone into the Love Canal!
To recap, that’s a Jim Davidson, Stock Market Correction and Love Canal to beat.
I am the Man!
[sub](The Jim Davidson in question falls into the Minor British Celebrity category, and is a combination of a game show host and a lecherous baboon.)[/sub]
After slowly regaining my senses from the various attacks that have been laid upon me, I lash out with my FRED FLINTSTONE BEACH TOWEL followed quickly by the VINTAGE EPISODES OF ‘CAR 54 WHERE ARRRRE YOOOOUUU???’(back before Fred Gwynn became widely known as Herman Munster).
Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh! A Nick at Nitesub[/sub] attack! I withdraw to recuperate, accidentally knocking Jim Davidson into the Love Canal, where he dissolves. Oops.
Undaunted, I counter “Car 54” with A three-hour slide show at the East Bayonne, New Jersey, Stamp-Lovers Club, presented by the club’s 85-year old president, who frequently lapses into Alzheimer’s episodes.
Enjoy.
My purity of will allows me to supress my own gag reflex as I counter A three-hour slide show at the East Bayonne, New Jersey, Stamp-Lovers Club, presented by the club’s 85-year old president, who frequently lapses into Alzheimer’s episodes with A Kiss on the Lips from Your Great Aunt Mildred During Which you are Poked by the Spiny Whiskers of her Proto-Mustache!!
OMG!!! The Boredom, The total uselessness. How bold, how daring. Must turn away before my mind starts to melt. Quick, concentrate on Jennifer Grey before she had her nose job. Yes, Yes, I feel my strength returning. Now, to the attack. From deep in the vault I draw out my LONE RANGER DRESS UP SET INCLUDING HAT, MASK, DOUBLE HOLSTER WITH 2 GUNS AND 6 (count em, 6) GENUINE IMITATION PLASTIC SILVER BULLETS (which strangly enough don’t fit in the guns).
Your LONE RANGER DRESS UP SET INCLUDING HAT, MASK, DOUBLE HOLSTER WITH 2 GUNS AND 6 (count em, 6) GENUINE IMITATION PLASTIC SILVER BULLETS (which strangly enough don’t fit in the guns) gives me a moment’s pause before I retaliate with the devastating Spiderman Underoos worn in Combination with a Mexican Pro-Wrestler Mask!!
I counter your Lone Ranger Dress-up set with an Online Conversational Klingon Language Course and attack with a Strange Case of Scrotum Self-Repair
http://www.snopes2.com/sex/penile/scrotum.htm#add
Ouch!!!
-Fox
Returning to the ring refreshed, I rear back and unleash…
Schenectady!
??? what is that?
-Fox
1000 generations of ancestors look upon me with pride as I counter your Schenectady with Italian Soccer Riot!!
I should learn to not turn my back after administering the Happy Meal of Death. Obviously, it doesn’t have the lethal power it once had. Where you all should be writhing in gastronomical pain and suffering from catatonic shock and dazed wonderment as to how NSynch maintains its success in pop culture, I find that the battle in the Arena Of Ultimate Rochambo rages on!
You leave me with no choice but to unlease the Mother of all weapons. Feared by men, wrought by gods, worshipped by aboriginal midgets in the South Pacific, and cherished by two-bit hookers on a Saturday night, feel the wrath of:
The Pocket Rocket (batteries included).
Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. And with two D-cells, able to overwhelm any 85-year old president, Great Aunt Mildred, or Lone Ranger (and Tonto too!). Who’s laughing now!!! Bwahhahhahhahahahah!!!
BTW: Schenectady? WTF?
Flashbacks from the Ultimate Rochambo competition which nearly took my life (Bangkok, '92) remind me that The Pocket Rocket (batteries included) can easily be countered by Crotchety Neighbor Who Will Not Return Errant Flying Toys!!