Billdo, rested from his two month reign as undefeated Ultimate Rochambo champion, strides calmly back into the ring and quietly mutters “paper wraps rock.” Suddenly, the Pocket Rocket (batteries included) is silenced by Reagan adminstration Attorney General Ed Meese’s Report on Pornography.
Although Scupper snuck in there with a surprise flank attack, fortunately the Crotchety Neighbor Who Will Not Return Errant Flying Toys!! is embarrassed away by Ed Meese’s Report on Pornography.
Returning to the fundamentals upon which all Rochamboka skills are based, I send Ed Meese’s Report on Pornography through the unsurpassed document-shredding power of Incompetent Kinko’s Employee!!
*“Scissors cuts paper,” *the judges whisper solemnly.
Meese and his report are lusted out of their air of moral superiority by a Janet Reno in bikini photo montage!
I feel forced at this point to counter with the TRANSCRIPTS OF THE LARRY FLINT/HUSTLER TRIALS.
That ought to give Meese’s Pornography report a good licking (pun intended).
The crowd is still reeling from a tag-team Meese smackdown as I edit out all the titillating bits of Janet Reno in bikini photo montage with the single-finger sign of Black Magic Marker.
My Tai-Chi breathing techniques come in handy in this fast and furious combat. Your TRANSCRIPTS OF THE LARRY FLINT/HUSTLER TRIALS are utterly shredded by my simple but elegant Disgruntled Postal Worker!
[Busta Rib Journal Entry 01.10.01: These bastards are tricky! Two days in this mosh pit of obscure British references, sexual innuendo, resurrected B-movie and sit-com actors, and more hardware than Q can muster in a James Bond flick, I find myself in a battle royale (with cheese). I’ve underestimated my opponents:
Scupper: quick of wit, stealthy, and fearless with the sublime one-liner. A tough competitor.
TKD2DAN: mysterious, a loner, and fashion maven. God, I hate it when he insists on wearing his Lone Ranger mask into the ring.
foxfyre: as cunning as his handle. I don’t dare turn my back on him, lest I find an embarrassing note taped to my shirt. I can trust him as far as I can see him.
jr8: obscure, cocky, tries to overwhelm with a lethal combinations of moves. Talks too fast. Could use a good noogy.
Milossarian: anybody that wields Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeon is someone to look out for. Thank goodness he’s spared us from LaToya’s incomprehensible gibberish. Unpredictable at best.
I must watch, observe, study, and learn their weaknesses. Then I will strike. And I wonder where Scupper absconded to with the Pocker Rocket (batteries included). Bastard!
Dirty trick BUSTA RIB, trying to distract us with your comments.
But it will not prevail. I attack the DISGRUNTLED POSTAL WORKER with what they all fear the most. The CHALUPA THROWING, ACCENT TALKING ‘TACO BELL™’ CHIHUAHUA. Beware lest he hump your leg, er, ankle.
Aha!! At last, you’ve exposed your dark underbelly for my lethal counter-attack, TKD2DAN. Try surviving a Cheesy Chick Flick of French Origin and with Little Redeeming Social Value!! I’ll even throw in a box of tissues, as I am a good sport.
Aha!! At last, you’ve exposed your dark underbelly for my lethal counter-attack to your CHALUPA THROWING, ACCENT TALKING, LEG-HUMPING, ‘TACO BELL™’ CHIHUAHUA, TKD2DAN. Try surviving a Cheesy Chick Flick of French Origin and with Little Redeeming Social Value!! I’ll even throw in a box of tissues, as I am a good sport.
A nice Make-Out Session with a very Hot Chick is a very good counter to any chick flick, even a Cheesy Chick Flick of French Origin and with Little Redeeming Social Value
-Fox
And I follow that up with "Richard Smalley Saves His Family"
-Fox
My momentary hesitation at foxfyre’s “Richard Smalley Saves His Family” is resolved when my keen sense of all things aura reveals the weapon’s true name to be "Stuart Saves His Family."
To this vicious infliction of misremembered Al Franken humor within the sacred Rochambodium, I unhesitatingly thrash fox with a copy of “A Very Brady Christmas”… ON BETAMAX!!
I’ll have you know Busta Rib that my under belly is painted white. That way I blend into the clouds when I fly.
As for you Foxfyre, I counter your Richard Smalley with a RICHARD SIMMONS “DEAL-A-MEAL” WEIGHT LOSS PLAN. That should keep you tied up for a while.
As for the rest of you (I truly hate to do this) I will have to bring out MY MOMMY (now you’re gonna get it).
TKD2DAN’s MOMMY is a formidable throw, to be sure. Though I am hesitant to reveal my Roshamboka school’s Secret Techniques TM, I am forced to unleash A Carpool Van Containing Six Screaming, Pokemon Card-Crazed Fourth Graders and a Dalmatian With a Weak Bladder!!!
Richard Simmons Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
While I recuperate from that nice attack, I must go haul dead bodies for a while.
Ill Be Back…well…maybe.
FoxFyre has left the Arena
-Fox
Your A Carpool Van Containing Six Screaming, Pokemon Card-Crazed Fourth Graders and a Dalmatian With a Weak Bladder!!! is a good attack, but alas the day is mine.
I throw at the carpool of kids AN ENTIRE CASE OF POKEMON JAPANESSE FIRST EDITION BLACK BORDER LIMITED EDITION FOIL IN SPECIAL PACKAGING!!! That should keep them busy while I hire my next door neighbor to take the dog for a walk.
Well, Mommy, not to be daunted by screeming kids, quickly pulls the van into the Dairy Queen for Ice Cream Sandwiches
and a Potty break(no the dog doesn’t get to go in, but there is a nice tree just outside).
Now, seeing FoxFyre’s evil, she goes quickly to the phone and calls FoxFyre’s MOMMY (now you’re REALLY gonna get it).
OOPS, sorry foxfyre, that was not meant for you. Have to redirect the MOMMY weapon to call Scupper’s Mommy.
Damn, sometimes you just can’t get good help.