I’m starting to think my moral sense is getting a little dated. I live with my girlfriend and her cousin, who’s seventeen. Lately, some guy has been chasing this cousin, generally being charming and on the whole cadding it up. He’s twenty-two.
The problem I have is not the age difference per se, but the fact that she is not yet OF AGE. I mean, some 30yo with a 35yo spouse? Groovy, but she’s seventeen for chrissakes!
To make matters worse, this dude has revealed to me that he is in fact only in it for an easy lay, after which he’ll dump her as soon as he gets bored (his words). This was not his original plan but apparently after she snubbed him at some stage soon after they met, he decided to have a bit of a go (there were details but I won’t jeapordise her privacy too much).
Just as a final blight on his character, this dude dumped his previous girlfriend VIA CELLPHONE the second he set eyes on my roomie (she’s kinda good looking, you might say). Just rang her up ‘hey, we’re finished, don’t call me again’ They’d been going out for four years.
So is my moral sense completely outta line, am I living in the fifties here, or has anyone here read this with gritted teeth. Hopefully this rant has gone some way to stopping me from wanting to kick this guys arse the second he steps outta line.
The guy sounds like a class A twat. I add my voice to the tell your girlfriend idea. She will be able to plan what to do about it better, being female and all.
The age thing you mentioned wouldn’t faze me at all, because in UK of age is 16, and he isn’t so very much older. (if he were 40 I would have a different opinion YMMV)
I don’t know, spooje. Fuckwits like this guy think all men are in on the nookie scam and if they don’t seem like they are, that’s just their game to get some. I can see him confiding in Morgs about his plan.
I don’t have any problem with the age difference. It’s only five years. I do have a problem with the concept of a certain birthday as some magic age of grown-upness. Here in the U.S., the age of consent differs from state to state, ranging from either 14 or 15 (I am unsure) to 18.
I notice that the girl is not living with her own parents or grandparents. You refer to her as your roomie, which implies that you and your girlfriend do not play a guardian-type role with her, but function more as peers. This is all speculation on my part, but she may be independent enough to relate more to men in their early twenties than to schoolboys in their teens.
But not this man. The guy sounds like a total ass, but the fact that he has been chasing her and she hasn’t let herself be caught indicates that she may have some common sense and taste. Tell the girl what’s going on so that she can make an informed decision.
Son of a bitch. I had a longarse reply then realised I’d not put my password in and lost the damn thing. Here is is again in point form
jayjay, you’re spot on. He’s also tried to pick up my girlfriend in the past. While I was with them. We were in China at the time and I don’t speak Chinese so I’d gone from my normal erudite self to Mr. Boring Idiot overnight. Wasn’t exactly brimming with confidence as I watched this fuckah with his arm around her. She has some issues with not knowing how to knock a guy back until he full-on tries to kiss her, but that’s another story…
(NB: It wasn’t this particular guy who tried to kiss her; that is to say I’m not under the influence of jealousy).
-sugaree… the age difference isn’t a problem for me in terms of legality. I just think that a 17yo and a 22yo have such vastly different emotional needs that they can’t possibly have a relationship with any connection (aside from the obvious). I doubt he wants things to develop any further than that, but I suspect she might; and if she tries to dump him, there goes the ‘plan’… and I don’t think his reaction will be … uh… honourable.
Final word is that I just hope to god this guy knows how to use a franger. If he knocks her up I’m gonna go Italian dad on his arse.
Have you sat her down and had a talk with her about What Some Men Are Like?
(If you really are living in the fifties, what are you doing living in sin with your girlfriend?)
Tell your girlfriend what the asshole creep said (gee, I’m not biased, no…) so she can tell her counsin.
Depending on how well you know the counsin, it might work to tell her yourself, but she’s more inclined to trust another woman.
MOST 17 year old girls that I’ve known (and I’ve been one) do not want anything to do with a guy who is known to be out for a quick fuck and a drop. You’re correct in guessing that’s not what young girl/women are into dating for. They want a “relationship”. Something this 22 year old cad clearly does not want.
If the counsin can be convinced Mr Young Cad wants only sex and to jerk her around she’ll most likely resist his charms on her own. Keep an eye on the situation, to make sure Mr. Cad doesn’t escalate things into ugly.
Reading between the lines, I see another possibility.
This guy tells you these horrible things not to brag, but to get you to repeat them. He can claim you made it all up and he’s innocent- he wouldn’t do something like that to the girl, now would he?- and make you look like the bad guy who is jealous.
He could be trying to drive a wedge between you and your girl so he can be the one to console her as he reveals how much of a jerk you are. Sometimes the little lies are ignored, but tell one big enough and no one would believe it was a lie- after all, who would lie about that?
What led me to this train of thought? The part in your later post about the trip to China.
How to deal with it? Communicate well with your girlfriend.
I agree that this boy sounds like quiet the piece of work and the dear girl should be clued in on that ASAP. However, I have to disagree here:
All 17 years olds (and for that matter all 22 year olds) are not the same. At 17 I had almost nothing in common with guys my age. I had much more fun dating the guys from my college classes. I had a shot at finding a 22 year old who was reading what I was reading and could appreciate my interests, whereas the vast majority of my thought patterns and interests were lost on most guys my age. It was pretty depressing.
All I’m saying is that you’re using a huge, wide brush on an age group known for its vast spread, and you might want to watch that. Not all teenagers are total mindless twits.
What a fucking idiot. He’ll make a great evil criminal one day, revealing a bit too much of his plan for world domination, and getting thwarted just like he will with this.
…which does suggest an alternate course of action. Perhaps she could get herself captured by him? Then, in a moment of ill-advised gloating, he’ll reveal his entire nefarious plan. Once she makes her daringly unconventional escape from his clutches, she can foil his plan, and he’ll end up dying in an exciting yet slightly gruesome fashion soon thereafter, as she tosses off a witty one-liner.
I know this dude who, at 22, was harassing a 17 year old girl who was still in high school. She got pregnant by him before she even graduated! What could they possibly have in common?
Anyway, that was 47 years ago. Which reminds me, I really should get them an anniversary present.
To Steelerphan - nah, I went to China because my girlfriend’s Chinese. Visiting the family etcetaraaaah.
Anymahoos, the whole deal is worse than any of you could possibly have imagined. Told the girlfriend, apparently she has known for far longer than I have. We told the cousin and of course she doesn’t believe us and thinks we’re interfering. I don’t entirely blame her since the version of this guy that she knows is fun and just a little bit of a rebel… what we’re telling her is so far from what she knows we’ve been met with utter disbelief and a sentiment that we’re trying to keep them apart because we happen not to like the guy.
The more we try to tell her this, the more the whole relationship will become secret and ‘wrong’ and against people’s wishes and generally fun and exciting. That’s the problem with being seventeen. At least I might get to kick his arse at the end of it all.
Still, you have warned her, done your best… let her know that if things go sour you’ll be there for her (and stick to it). You’re right, trying to keep them apart will only make it worse, so don’t attempt to do so. Particularly her sister should keep her relationship with this girl in good shape, so when the shit hits the fan she’ll be more likely to run to her sister than away.
When the shit hits the fan no saying “I told you so”. She’s young, she’s naive, we all make mistakes. Hopefully, the cad will show his true colors shortly, the young lady will learn a painful life lesson without too much damage to her personally, and with her relationship with her sister intact she’ll have support while picking up the pieces and getting on with her life.