Easy. Pick doper. Make up a quote that they would never utter. I’ll start.
Lexicon - Mom! Where’s my panties? The pink ones, with ruffles!
Techchick - Gimme a coors!!! Quick!
Coors? COORS?
Sheesh Cynical, whatcha tryin to do, kill me?
Vestal Blue- I actually hate flirting and I will never do it again. I’ve given away my entire stash of cinnamon body oil too. And I’ll never wear my flightsuit again either.
pipefitter-I’m a handsome, sexy stud, and all of you ladies are da** lucky to have me pay some attention to you. Now, get me a beer, bi*** and be quick about it.
Mr Bear- I never pay any attention to purplebear at all, and probably never will. Also, I love this board so much, I want to read every single thread, and post to each one as well. There just aren’t enough hours in the day to post as much as I want to.
Falcon- I hate to flirt. I hate ChiefScott too. I will never flirt again on this board. Not even with Vestal Blue or the Chief.
<Giggles> That hurt to type! 
Demo - No more for me, thanks.
Doob - I would so do her.
Me - Sex? No, I’m saving myself.
Falc - Ug, I HATE tequila!
PCW - Really, I don’t like purple all that much.
FreakFreely - I’m proud of my purity test score!
MrC - This kid is a pain in the ass
Tech - What’s this, football? Switch it to Lifetime!
C-Sue - Aboot.
Satan - I don’t need to post here.
David B - I have seen the Light.
Psycat - California was a bad move.
Ayesha - Pass the milke, please.
SqrlCub - He needs to lose some weight.
Kelli - I’m abstaining.
Falc - You know, I really AM cute as a button!
Most of the Women - Yes, I admit it, I’m attractive, but keep telling me.
Satan (again) - That’s too personal, I couldn’t share it.
DrainBead (and Satan) - You people spend too much time on the boards.
Everyone - Surgo, you should post more.
Newbie in his first post - [anything not deferential] [no reference to anything like ‘what’s the straight dope’] [not asking a question directly of Cecil]
Troll - I’m sorry
LOL! Good ones, Surg! 
Great idea, Mr Cynical!
Surgo - I don’t look like no smiley!
Mr. Cynical - No, put those away! If Santi finds out he’ll kill me! No, please! Stop! Don’t!
…
Oh, please don’t stop!
techchick - Hi. Is this tech support? Okay, I have this error, and I can’t figure it out. I’ve been working on it for hours. It says “Non-system disk or disk error. Replace and strike any key…”
purplebear - Look, if you all don’t start this flirting, I’m going to leave and never come back. What’s the point? Flirting is stupid!
Coldfire - Okay, that does it. I’m going to go the studio right now, and get a current pic for the SDPP!
Lexicon - Well, when you think about it, I guess I am kind of attracted to men. I often look at my own ass and think: Boy, you got it goin on!
Alphagene - Did you guys get the new N’sync album? It rocks!
ValerieBlaise - I just got Alphagene the new N’sync album, because it rocks!
FreakFreely - I realize that I may be a little off-beat, so I have therefore dedicated myself to posting on a level more commeserate with my intellect.
GaWd - What do you mean, you just want to have sex with me? What do you think I am, some kind of piece of meat or something? I need romance, I need candles, I need chocolates…
Satan - Anyone got a light?
Drain Bead - Will someone bum my figh-ance a smoke?
Tomndebb - I am completely unfamiliar with… [insert any topic here]
AntiPro - Why yes, I enjoy choosing the trailerslut of the week.
Gadarene - Hey, dubya wouldn’t be all bad.
ChiefScott - No go ahead, the occasional smilie is just good clean fun.
Duck Duck Goose - No I haven’t been on vacation, I just find myself posting less these days.
Libertarian - The cop wasn’t buying that I didn’t know it was a school zone so I kicked his ass and drove off.
pepperlandgirl - I thought your calling me ignorant was amusing. Have a nice day.
Lexicon - Participle shmarticiple, who cares?
ChiefScott - 
Cecil - Hi everybody!
Ed Zotti - Hi everybody!
Esprix - I just met this girl…I really like her…
SPOOFE Bo Diddly - Go, Enterprise, go!
Lynn Bodoni - Stop sending me all the damn chocolate!
Oldscratch - [Austin Powers]Yay, capitalism![/Austin Powers]
Krispy Original - I got two tickets to the World Cup, wanna join me?
FriendofGod - All hail Satan!
Mark Serlin - Research? I was just being an ass.
TubaDiva - You imbecile newbies!! Why the %^&* can’t you figure all this crap out on your own?!?!?
Unclebeer - My name is Unclebeer… and… and I’m an alcoholic…
Anthracite: That Tim guy’s really cute.
Falcon: Anth, what are you thinking? He’s a freak!
GaWd: I dunno, I’m with Una on this one. He’s got a hot ass.
Doob: That’s because you have no taste, GaWd. Girls are where it’s at.
Kyla: Leave him alone, Doob. I hate you.
Note - This is simulated alternate reality chat.
–Tim
Dry: I have no quote from Shakespeare to fit this occasion.
GaWd: I’m just not horny tonight, dear.
Doobieous: Well, if you don’t want her GaWd, I do.
Me: I’m tired of talking about food.
Alternate reality conversations.
Lexicon- That was mean. Why did you say that? You hurt my feelings… 
purplebear- Bitch! Just shut up and take it!
drainthelizard- I’m so glad I made that nazi joke, aren’t you?
Coldfire- Yeah I have to admit, that was pretty funny!
Satan- Sneevil, you fuckin’ prick.
Byzantine- I never thought I would be persecuted like this. I’m leaving the board and never coming back. How can I stay here with you flaming me like that?
Sneevil- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to drive you away! Please stay!
The whole SDMB- Shut up! You’re wrong!
Me- Yeah, I guess you’re all right, I’m wrong. There’s nothing more to disagree about. I’ll shut up now.
I’ll kill you.
coldfire- ya wanna know something Krispy, I think your right. not just about this, but about everything. I love you. no, really, I do! now where’s bj0rn, I gotta tell him too…
going back a bit but-
Phaedrus- Here it is!! I actually have the proof! no more stalling! and Darwin was right!!
Mullinator: Al Gore!!! Al Gore!!! Al Gore!!!
FreakFreely: I think I’ve posted enough already today.
Falcon: Why the hell would I drive all over creation to see people I’ve never met before? Give me a break. OR I hate quirky alt rock.
Satan: I’ve never heard of that band. What are they like?
Mr. Cyn: Stop that dirty talk, guys! You’re making me blush!
soulsling: Jesus Saves.
Coldfire: Soccor Sucks. Canadians Suck. Rush Sucks. (you’ll never hear that one on a number of levels…)
UncleBeer: Ban Handguns! Ban Beer!
Byzantine: “I wuz gonta post a awful meen thing, but i duzznt’ wanna sownd meen an awfull.”
Zev and Chaim: “Waddaya feel like tonight, cheeseburgers and milkshakes?”
Satan: “I just love those Red Sox. I hope they win the AL East.”
Drain Bead: “Man, the Dolphins kick butt, don’t they? Go, Miami!”
Gaudere: “I heard about your problem. I’ll be praying for you.”
DRY: “Actually, I think Francis Bacon and Christopher Marlowe DID write all of Shakespeare’s stuff.” OR “I fail to see what’s so great about a bunch of plays and poems written, like, 400 years ago. They have no bearing on American life in the year 2000.”
DAVEW0071: “Look, if you have some bugs in the house, either just step on them or ignore them and hope they go away.”
RTFirefly: “Actually, I think Zeppo was the funny one.”
SwimmingRiddles: “I think eating meat is perfectly healthy, and who’s this guy Knee-chee?!? I hate the theatre, I think I’m gonna go watch the game…”
Falcon: “Flirt with men on the SDMB? Yech! Gross!”
JohnLarrigan: “Hey baby! Why don’t you slide on over here and let the looooooooooooooove doctor see if your’e in shape enough for some smooooooooth satisfaction! ahhhhhhhhh! yeah.”
DRY: [KeanuReaves Voice]“Whoooooaah!”[/KeanuReaves Voice]