Unrequited Crushes, etc. . . . How'd It Work Out?

So there’s this girl in my circle of friends – cute, quiet, smart, very shy. I always had kind of a thing for her, but I’m a 20 year old (single) guy in college; I have kind of a thing for half of the girls I know. It was no big deal.

Then I saw her dance. Small birthday party-type gathering tonight for someone else. She was dancing, and she looked good doing it . . . and the more I thought about it, the more impressed I was by her character, her ability to by quiet and shy but still let loose should she feel like it.

So now it’s an honest-to-god crush . . . at this rate it’ll be an infatuation in a couple of months. Problem is that’s all it’ll ever be. I’ve gotten absolutely no signs from her, she says she’s happy to be single for now, and (just to make certain that nothing could ever happen between us) I went out with her roommate briefly last semester and was the one to end the relationship. This is what I get for not being depressed on Valentine’s Day itself.

So anyway, what has been your most dramatic experience with secret romantic yearnings? Tell me it all worked out and make me feel better . . . or tell me that you’ve been kicking yourself for 20 years and make me feel better (hey, misery loves company).


[quote. . . her ability to by quiet and shy but still let loose should she feel like it.[/quote]

You, know, since it’s the only post that everyone is gonna read, you’d think I’d take extra care to weed out the typos in the OP, but nooooo. . .

I’m not sure there can be stories about “secret romantic yearnings”. There’s only a story to tell once they aren’t secret anymore.

. . . you know what I mean. Besides, the SDMB is about as anonymous as you’re gonna get (unless you have real-life friends on the board).

For what its worth, when I was in about 7th grade, I was sitting in church one sunday a.m. and jotted down this little poem…

Beautiful women are all around,
They’re everywhere you look,
But when you try to catch one,
It’s like fishing with no hook.

That was in about 1976 or so. Some time after I got married in '86, I found my old poem book, and after reading that old poem, the next stanza just came naturally…

Well I fished and fished and had some luck,
But none were just quite ‘keepers’,
But then I caught the one I want,
And now I’ll never leave her!

In order not to sound too sappy and all drippy with love, it should be noted that in the 15 yrs of my marriage, even though my wife and I love each other dearly and forever, we have and do occasionally still go fishing…
(By the way, the poem is protected under copyright laws, so don’t even THINK about it! :smiley: )

Oops, should’ve read Robot Arm’s post a bit more carefully (and with more sobriety) – kinda missed the point there.

Anyway, I don’t see why one couldn’t talk about his/her unrequited love. There’d be less in the way of plot, I suppose, but it’s not certain that nothing of value or interest could be gleaned (sp?) from such a story.

I don’t know exactly what you mean, but try this:

About two years ago, I went to a club downtown. There was a band playing that I’d wanted to see in person for a couple years. I was on the balcony in back, but it was a small enough club that it didn’t matter. I was there alone. And I started to notice this one woman, near the front, stage right. I don’t know that anyone else would have been so taken by her, she wasn’t the classic bombshell type. Just hair past her shoulders and glasses, not hooting and carousing but not curled up in the corner. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. When the show ended, I couldn’t think of anything to say to her, so I left. I was kicking myself all the way home.

I talked about it with some friends and pretty much the only thing I could come up with was to promise myself that if the same situation came up again, I’d do something about it. Kind of like skydiving, it’s easy to say you’ll do it when you’re safe on the ground.

So, a month later there was another concert. This was a folk singer playing at a local college. When I got there, it turned out he was playing in the front room of one of the sororities. They’d cleared out all the furniture, so I just picked a spot on the floor and eventually the whole place filled up. After the opening act, I got to chatting with some of the people around me, all women. We were talking about music and I mentioned the great concert that I’d just been to. Someone on my left said she’d been there, too. It was the same woman. (I suppose I do have to explain how I could be so thunderstruck and not recognize her instantly a month later. There is no good explanation, really, just that the lighting in a club is a lot different than the lighting in the front room of a sorority, and her hair was shorter. And you know, I just wasn’t looking for her; what were the odds?).

I spent the rest of the concert trying to think of anything to say to her. I wish I could remember what I came up with, 'cause it worked. I found out her name and phone number. I called her, we had a quick dinner and saw a movie the next weekend. It was worth the effort to meet her. She was infinetly more fun to talk to than not to talk to. She said things that were obvious and brilliant at the same time. I was falling hard and fast.

She wasn’t, though. I only saw her two more times. I called one night to ask her out for the next weekend and she said she didn’t think she wanted to see me again (I don’t remember exactly what she said, either.). I do remember that she couldnt’, or wouldn’t, even give me a reason. I was more than a little devastated at the time, and for a while afterwards, too.

And with those extra two years, I’m glad it happened. Sure, my coworkers were a little worried I’d go postal, but no lasting harm. I like the idea that I could feel that way about someone. What’s the alternative, stumble through your whole life feeling ironic and detached and superior and alone?

Is that the sort of thing you were looking for, VarlosZ?

It’s the requited crushes you gotta watch out for.

It is better to have loved and lost, than to have loved and won.

Cynics are just idealists after they’ve woken up.

That middle quote definately was NOT what my ex-wife’s lawyer told her!! j/k!

Ahh… unrequited love. I was head over heels for an incredible guy for 8 years. My brother brought him home from school one day, when I was 11. For me, it was love at first sight. Over the next eight years we were in and out of each other’s lives, even close friends for a time. (Looking back objectively, as I can now, I honestly don’t know why we never got together.) For 8 years, depsite having other boyfriends whom I loved, part of my heart remained strongly devoted to him. It wasn’t until I met the man who’s now my husband that I finally let go of him, and happily gave all of myself to Mr. Nim. So what came of the crush? In short, nothing. And I live “happily ever after.” :slight_smile:

Varlos–I swear to God I know you. There’s this guy who dated my roommate and whenever he drinks, he always tells me what a fantastic dancer I am. But then I read your profile, and discovered you’re from New York. Alas.

But anyway, I am the crowned princess of unrequited crushes. I’d just get depressed if I recounted them, but, right now, I can honestly say that I have a crush on at least ten boys I go to school with, and I don’t think any of them will ever kiss me. Ever.

hmmm… I used to have a crush on this Briths bloke…
yes, he is my boyfriend now - but that was the sugar coating.
The real thing is that he is England and I am now in Austria, that I havent seen him in 7 months and we only write emails and god knows what things will be like when we meet again. Excuse me while I punch a cushion…

The very first day I got to college, I saw a beautiful girl and I started getting a crush on her right then (the very first time I saw her is burned into my memory, I can tell you exactly where she was, where I was, what she was wearing, etc). When I actually started talking to her, I found out to my pleasant surprise that I was incredibly attracted to her personality as well. But, in the week it took me to get up my nerve to ask her out, she’d started going out with another guy.
Over the next two and a half years, they dated and were both part of my small circle of friends. I eventually stopped actively wishing for something with her.
Then they broke up, and I found out how much of an asshole he was when she came to me to get through her hard times. We spent a lot of time together, and fell in love (well, I did first). That was the best year of my life, then she broke up with me.
It’s my greatest regret that I didn’t have the guts to ask her out before she started dating the other guy. Even if it wouldn’t have meant any better result between us, it would have saved her 2 and a half years of what might have been love slowly turning to emotional abuse.

I’d never been that instantly attracted to anyone before. And only once since, though it seems that that one will end before it really got started.

So there you have it, my tale of unrequited love eventually requited, then unrequited again.

Well, I have a friend whom I have refered to as M here once before, and here is the tale of unrequited, then requited, then unrequited, and now soon to be requited again love…

When I was 16, M was 13, and I visited my mom in the dinky little town in Montana she was living in. I was introduced to M, as well as a bevy of other small town girls, most of whom were cookie cutter versions of each other. I was unimpressed.

Except M had this whole other vibe… something was going on with her, something that made her stand out. I was only there for 6 weeks, but I found myself fondly remembering her from time to time. My mother would often say that she had said to tell me Hi.

2 years later I graduate from High School, and move to the small town to live with my mom. Upon arriving, I seek her out, and as soon as I see her I know I’m in for trouble… she’s beautiful, and vibrant, and also appeals to my dark side with her cynical wit.

I’m in trouble because I had a girlfriend coming up to live with me in just about 6 weeks, but already I felt stronger for M than I did for my “girlfriend”.

It took about 2 weeks for M to get past my defenses, and sadly I was too stupid to tell my GF to not come up. I know now that M loved me then, but couldn’t tell me.

[skip a lot of emotional pain]

About a year after I arrived, my GF was finally gone, but M was involved with someone else, and I handled it badly. When I took some vacation to visit my friends down in California, I ran into another woman whom I had loved, but we had broken up due to a manipulative ex-boyfriend. I immediatly felt all the things I had felt for her before come surging up. I spent a week in CA, and then left to return to Montana, vowing that I would get everything settled and return to this woman that I loved.

When I get there I see M, and realize that I was in love with 2 women. I talk to M, who is engaged at this point, and she tells me that I should go, because she can’t give me what I need. I hate leaving her, but I must before I destroy both of us trying to get her to understand how I feel. I leave, vowing that I will always be there if she needs me.
That was 6 years ago.

Next week I leave to get get M, and bring her down here and make her part of my family. She came down a few weeks ago, and my wife and her got along really really well. M is going to be live in child care for us, so I can go back to school. It has not been a good 6 years for M, but now she can be away from all that has hurt her for 6 years and begin healing…

Man are my forearms sore.
Hope this didn’t bore anyone to tears… hehehehe

ThisYearsGirl - If you are crowned princess, then I am certainly crowned Queen of Unrequited Crushes.

I am currently crushing on 3 boys at work and 2 at school.

I did date one of the school boys 2 years ago, but he broke up with me and I have liked him off and on since. Right now it’s hit an all-time high. I want this kid like crazy. but I doubt I’ll ever be kissing him again.

Two of the work boys know of my crushes, and obviously it’s unrequited because neither has shown any interest.

I will not go into details of any of them because it would be too long, but trust me…If your misery is seeking company, VarlosZ, it can chill right alongside mine.

Nope nope nope.

I am Queen of Unrequited Crushes. Over 20 at last count for my life. Including several where the guy and I were so friendly that people thought we WERE going out.

pours a drink for Varlos and Just a Girl Misery corner over here!

I am also quite familar with unrequited love. There are way too many to list, but lets say the list is probably at about twenty or so.

The worst was Andrew. I adored this boy for three years. He was a year ahead of me in high school, and we were on Tech Crew together. We always discussed that our favorite love song ever was “Wonderful Tonight” (hey, I was 16, ok?) and that we wanted it to play at our weddings. He never thought of me as anything other than a good friend.

His senior year he got a starring role in the play, co-starring with his other good friend. Apparently she had the hots for him too.

At the cast party closing night, I decide I have to tell him. He’ll be graduating in a few weeks and I’ll never see him again, I reasoned. So I requested “Wonderful Tonight” and sat waiting for it to start, so I can dance with him and tell him my feelings.

The song starts, and I zoom in on Andrew. He’s leading the co-star out to the dance floor. They look happy. (It kills me to type this four years later! Ah!) I ask a friend what’s going on, and she says that Andrew and Ilse are a couple now.

So I watch them dance to “Wonderful Tonight,” all alone on the dance floor, hyperventilating the whole time. I managed to get into the ladies’ room before I broke into hysterics. Three years down the drain. sigh

I’ve had a huge crush on my best guy friend since we met in May. He is the most sensitive, caring, sweet guy ever. He finally broke up with his girlfriend, so we have been spending a lot of time together. But I know he doesn’t like me like that - I don’t even think he considers me as possible dating material. But once I had a heart-to-heart with myself, I realized that being in any sort of relatiomship right now would just fuck up our incredible friendship, so I’m content to just be friends. Hopefully he’ll reach a point when he doesn’t exclusively date beautiful blonde girls that break his heart, and then we’ll see. But right now, I’m okay with the friends thing.

I don’t know… I think what’s worse must be never quite knowing if it’s unrequited or not. In high school there was this girl who was so nice to me I didn’t know how to handle it… She’d say things like (no exagerration) “I like your hair” and even “you’re so cool.” Of course, I had no idea how to handle that, being even more socially retarded then than I am now. Then after a while I started noticing that she was good-looking and smart and independent and cool. We were members of concentric social circles, and I ended up at her house a few times and ran into her at concerts. But of course, once I got a serious crush, I did what all teenage guys with crushes do, I acted like a jerk. I think we may’ve been on mildly bad terms last time I saw her. I always think about looking her up just to find out what ever happened to her, but I’m worried it’d look weird. I don’t know if she was interested in me or just wanted to be my friend, but I’ll always regret the way I acted.

Then there was the uber-crush… One of my best friends for a very brief time. She entered my very tight-nit circle of friends after asking one of my friends to a dance… Turns out he had no interest in her, but she got along great with our group and became a regular. Too bad three of us (of 5-6 “members”) were horribly smitten with her, with the other two making overt moves… Each when the other wasn’t around. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t interested in me, (though if she wasn’t she shouldn’t have done things like send me a letter (she was away for the summer) with a lipsticky kiss-mark on it, saying “I know you hate it when I wear makeup and wouldn’t let me kiss you for real, so here’s a birthday kiss.”) so I did my best to play the good guy and lay low… Though I later found out I wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding my crush. Was it all the wrestingly, wearing each other’s clothes and that time we shared her bed? I guess those are pretty good hints. I’ve heard she’s since become some kind of hippie slut, so I don’t really regret it not going anywhere. Since high school, though, I’ve had no real crushes. Sure, there are plenty of people I’ve noted as attractive, and a few people who I’ve noted as “potential crushes,” (you know, sometimes someone has everything you want but just doesn’t “click.”) but nothing real. Oh well. I think I prefer being alone anyway.

ah…unrequited crushes…my entire life story

When I was as sophomore in college at lovely Bowling Green State University, I fell in love with a guy that I saw walking on the sidewalk. He wasn’t in any of my classes, I never had any interaction with him, I just saw him on campus and sighed from a distance.

Eventually, I began to figure out where he was going to be at what time of day and I would be there as well. He played club soccer and I would go watch him…he had classes at University Hall and I would sit on the steps and read…just a little innocent stalking to pass the time :smiley:

Eventually, I heard someone call him by name (Chris) and my fantasy was complete. I thought about him all the time.

So, one night (about three months into loving him) I was…well…inebriated, and lo and behold, Chris was at Taco Bell. I abandoned all reason and went right over to his booth, slid in and sat next to him and his three guy friends. Did I have the presence of mind to realize that I was walking into sheer disaster? Hell no.

I looked right at him and said this (which will be forever burned into my mind)

“Hi, you don’t know me…but I’ve been watching you from a distance and I have to tell you. I’m in love with you. You are so gorgeous. I think about you all the time. I watch you play soccer, I watch you on campus. And I’m in love with you.”

They all burst out laughing. Just howling with laughter. And he looked at me…my dream man of all time…ROLLED HIS EYES and said,

“Good to know.”

I went home and stayed in my bed for two days.

what a nightmare.


It was a long, long time ago when disco was beginning, I was young, painfully inexperienced, and working at the local hospital. I was thin then – 150 pounds with a 33 inch waist. (200 and 38 inches now). She drifted gracefully into my life by accident. She who resembled a young Kim Darby (then my favorite actress from True Grit) and who had a graceful, gliding walk, was petite in stature, serene and lovely of face, soft and gentle of voice with her glossy, dark hair cut in a pageboy, cute pixie nose and gentle, laughing eyes. (There was more, but I don’t want to bore the audience.)

I fell madly for her within two minutes of her first saying hi to me in the corridors of the third floor med/surg section. She worked in Intensive Care and I was the roving orderly. She was a nurses aide and I a nursing assistant. She wore her green uniform down just below her shapely knees and I wore my whites with the Ben Casey smock and tight, flared pants.

Her voice was beautiful, gentle and mysterious. So began a desperate pursuit of her that legends should be written of by a guy so shy and inexperienced but determined enough to move mountains. She looked to be an innocent angel, but as I got to know her, discovered she had been married at 16 and divorced by 17. We were both 19. I, who had never been in a bar, could not dance and who was almost terminally girl shy, found that she loved to party down after work, had been through a lot of boy friends, liked a little pot, loved to dance, could drink me under the table (it didn’t take much back then) and had strange friends. She, who appeared so sweet and petite, soft of voice, shy of demeanor, was a wild child who lived with her folks in the next city.

I should have given up then, for I was outmatched, out classed and out experienced. She would not date me, but we became good friends. I discovered that she had a pitifully low self opinion and spent hours boosting it up. Heard all about her cruel husband – who had later suicided after the divorce – which a picture of her in one hand. I heard about her previous boyfriends, including the one who beat her senseless and left her on her doorstep for her parents to discover hours later. (I secretly hunted for him at night for weeks with a can of mace and a billy club but never found him.) I learned of her promiscuity – a whole lot of past promiscuity. Much more than I wanted to know.

I battled her friends who decided they did not like me. I battled her fat, nasty roommate coworker (a smart RN in ICU) who liked her because the cute hunks in bars and the apartment complex drifted by to woo her and she got the leftovers. (She had moved out of her parents home then.) I gritted my teeth and met and got along with several of her ‘friends’. When he drank to much at a party we were all at and freaked out and I though she was dying, I scooped her up, said she was going back to her folks and challenged the huge guys there to stop me. We took her home. My friend drove my hot car while I cradled her semiconscious form in the back seat with her fat roomie grousing and looking pissed next to me. Others followed in a car.

She threw up all over me, but I bore it because I was so damn in love with her. I carried her into her surprised parent home – slipping on their hardwood floors and falling but twisting to as not to drop her, landed on one knee and screwed it up for over 10 years. I got her home safe and sound. Her friends left. I stayed, spending the night on the couch, concerned. In the morning, I took her and her mother to a gentle lake in the woods and let her recover in the peace and beauty of the solitary place.

She took a few days off of work. Her mother contacted me secretly and said this vision of abused loveliness had decided to marry me! I was ecstatic! By the next day, though, after her fat, nasty friend got to her as she moved out of their apartment and back home, she changed her mind. I was devastated.

I started all over again. We remained friends and I watched her date other guys and visited her at her home and was always there for her, complimenting, letting her cry on my shoulders, defending, praising, and loving her. On and off for years, even after she left the hospital, spent some time in a mental institution after an accident and came home to go to nursing school. When we could not see each other, we wrote letters. I left the hospital and took up other work. I dated other girls, but never forgot her (which cost me some other girls). We had a spat and did not talk to each other for a time, then she contacted me and I started working my way back to her.

Then one day, she wrote me a letter to tell me she was to be married. She had met a guy in a billiards room and she was in love with him. I thought my world was going to end. I had been after her for 5 years! We had never slept together, but I knew more about her than anyone else.

She married, but after a major drinking binge, I lurked in the background, watching and waiting. Her folk let me know when her husband, a big, redneck construction worker, popped her one night because he was having hard times and she promptly tossed him in jail. I eagerly awaited the divorce that never came.

Three kids did instead. 3 boys.

As the years passed, they all did very well together. I had not talked to or gotten a letter from her since the marriage. I drove by her home twice a year and heard from her folks, who lived next door. I dated other women but never found one who hit my heart like she did. I became experienced and world wise and she stayed a nurse in her local hospital and one of good standing and respect. I spotted her once or twice as she drove around town. She never recognized me (no longer a skinny guy, my hot car sold long ago) but seeing her sent the old thrills through my gut. I almost married twice, but never did and 20 years after she did, I saw her walking on her deck as I passed her house for the first time in 4 years. I was in a work truck. She did not see me, but she looked like she had 10 years previously and my heart hurt.

I’ve not been by her place in 6 years, my job having changed and I no longer work in her city – but she still lives there. Her parents passed on. Her kids are in college or married. She might even be a grandmother by now. I would assume she is happy. I live 24 miles away.

I have one good picture of her, taken at the nurses station desk in ICU in 1971, and she looks so beautiful! It’s well worn now. It’s a Polaroid. It’s locked in my lock box along with other treasures and valuable of mine.

Sometimes, when I’m alone and feeling nostalgic, I might take it out and those old, old feelings come surging back for a time. Then, I carefully put it away and get on with my life.