Slipped - against my caution and better judgment - into unrequited love with someone I’ve talked about before. It’s ruining my peace of mind like no other thing can. How do I get out of here without having to get into anything else with another person?
I’m male, she’s female. Need answer fast.
I will appreciate the biggest variety of answers from your own life experiences. Kindly avoid questioning my stance or why I need to get out of this quagmire.
Think about her negative attributes - not in a malicious way at all, but in a “Here’s why a relationship wouldn’t work well” way.
Find a new place to live in a city at least 1000 miles away. ASAP.
You don’t act on it. Just ignore it. It’ll go away in a while.
You have the misfortune of being born with a penis, and a male brain. This kind of shit will happen about a hundred or so times in your life, if you’re anything like the average guy. It doesn’t mean that you have to engage with the situation at all.
There: Peace of mind. No charge.
This is the operative statement. If you are a heterosexual guy, (or any other gender and/or sexual orientation) occasional infatuation is normal. Of course you shouldn’t act on it unless you have some good reason to believe that she would be receptive, but just having the infatuation doesn’t make you a bad person.
Movies heros always get the girl, and the girl always wants them back. Aside from the fact that these plot lines girls that they are basically ornaments, it also tells guys that if they want, but don’t get, the girl, they are some kind of loser – an idea that is just as wrong.
Basically a natural consequence of treating women as people and men as people, both of which have agency in their futures, is that infatuation mismatches are going to happen. All you need to do is act on them in a way that accepts that both you and her are actual human beings, not confined to a movie narrative, and carry on.
Oh, never fear. I am clear on that, and I don’t want to get the girl. I want to restore my peace of mind and that’s all I’m concerned with right now.
The OP stated he fell into “unrequited love”, by which I assume he means a deep and lasting feeling that happens rarely in a lifetime, not a fleeting sexual attraction that happens all the time of the kind you’re refering to.
Happened to me once. For the record, IME, getting into something else with another person isn’t a guarantee that the feeling will go away. Neither is not seeing her for a while. What did the trick for me eventually was her becoming unavailable because she met someone. It hurted, but I got over it.
Barring that, just completely stop to see her. Not just temporarily but permanently. Go ahead with your life (especially love life). Act as if she didn’t exist.
I’m not aware of any easy trick to get out of love.
You’re funny.
Too late for edit:
Sorry, I didn’t mean to make fun of you. It has happened to me a couple of times, too. It was just the way you said it, like it’s this deep, important, profound thing. You know, like in the movies.
I’ve lived long enough to realize that it isn’t. The advice is still the same: Ignore it.
That’s the advice I would give my younger self: Don’t worry about it. Worry about money. Worry about your college degree. Worry about your job. Worry about the car. Worry about your chipped tooth. Make sure to schedule that dentist appointment. Worry about the girl who actually wants you.
The one who doesn’t? I know it’s hard to believe, but she’s not actually that important. If you don’t bother her, she can’t actually hurt you, and you can’t hurt her. On the other hand: if you do engage with the situation, it’ll turn into a gawd-awful clusterfuck, as usual. So just don’t go there. Just get on with your day.