I have a crush on a good friend, it’ll be about a year since it started (the crush) in November. I really like her, but I KNOW I have literally no chance. However, I can’t get over her… Any suggestions?
Make a move. Any move. Because you could be dead tomorrow. Unrequited love is a bummer. Like in that movie with Anthony Hopkins: “Remains of the Day.” (I think). I’d communicate something, but be prepared for rejection. IMHO & FWIW. Good luck!
Forgot to mention… I’ve tried before, she’s basically told me I have no chance.
Ah! Then fortune cookie says, “You will find someone else.” These affairs of the heart are so difficult.
So I just need to give it a healtier dose of time and patience?
move on.
get a hobby:occupy the mind.
move around in different circles.
you can’t get her off the mind if you allow her to dwell there.
carpe dieum.
You never know what will happen. I don’t know anything about you. But would suggest that you do things you enjoy, & learn new things. And if you can, travel a lot. Especially to foreign countries. This all will make you more interesting, you will enjoy life more, and you will probably meet someone else. I personally would not waste time waiting for someone who said “no way.” It’s nice that you can keep the friendship, tho’. FWIW
Run! Run, run, run, run, run, run, RUN!
All this situation is doing to you is making you hate yourself and feel weak and unattractive. Get out, by any means necessary. I suggest you stop hanging out with her, stop being her “friend”, and just generally RUN AWAY like hell. No good can come of unrequieted love like this.
If she gets upset, that’s too bad, but sorry. Nobody has the right to have the friends they want. Hell, I want Steven Tyler and Richard Feynman for my friends.
Went through this earlier this summer. Really badly infatuated with a girl, she “just wanted to be friends.”
I could not take it. I was about ready to do myself physical damage. I had to cut and run. It hurt her. It hurt me. But it was the only way. It was cause some short-term hurt once, and get it over with, or keep hurting myself over and over and over again as long as I knew her.
-Ben
She’s already told you, stop pestering her. There are other fish in the sea. Try on line services like match.com
I think it needs to be pointed out that since Speaker is 14, some of these suggestions are not applicable.
That said, I agree with the general tone of the advice so far. If you continue hanging around her, it is only going to make getting over her that much more difficult. Maybe you can continue being friends with her later, after you back off for a while. But for now the best thing for you is to stay away.
Not what you want to hear, but you have been beating yourself up over this for too long.
Dude, I’ve been there, I’m still there, and I’ve got the shirt that says “I’ve been screwed by Unrequited Love and all I got was this lousy T-shirt”. Unrequited love is horrible nightmare of self-delusion and depression. It’s a place where you become so desperate as to look for any meaning in the smallest gestures. Yet, we all know why Unrequited love stays that way. Because the other person does’nt like you. Simple enough, but human nature being what it is, we still look for hope where there is none. When we do find that hope. It merely sends us deeper into the steaming abyss of depression and unfufilled dreams and makes us wonder what we did wrong to receive Cupid’s wrath in such a way. As Charlie Brown said, “Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love”.
My advice is find closure and then, like someone previously said, run for them there hills! Confront her with your feelings, give it one last suicide charge and go for broke. If she really does like you, hey, score! If she does’nt like you and is repulsed, then screw her, she’s no good anyways. Run. Finally, if she does’nt like you but is calm about it, just find out why she does’nt like you, change, if you want, and then run.
The point here is to get out of the cyclical nightmare of thinking there might be hope and then just waiting it out. Waiting it out is good for no one and only keeps you depressed, no good comes of it. Either valiantly capture the fortress, or go down in a blaze of glory, there is no other alternative.
If all that fails, do like me. Take all your white-hot hatred for humanity, shove it deep inside you, then wait. You never know when you’ll explode. It’s like playing a beautiful game of hot potato.
Think ahead. Make yourself the kind of person that she’ll be wanting real bad in ten years. Then strike!
Here’s another slight point. If I stop hanging out with her, I have to ditch EVERY SINGLE ONE of my other friends…
We all hang around in a group, so it’s not that easy.
~ that’s why you need to bone up. You need to form an image
of a cliff in your mind and put her in between you and the
edge… If she wants to jump, then let her… I don’t have a
single friend I wouldn’t push over if need be…
As I see it, you have two options:
- Get a new hobby. Like, say, covert surveillance of this girl. Expensive, sure, but in time you can become a real stalker, just like the pros! Follow her about, going for that really creepy, lurky demeanor; call her up late at night, and breathe heavily into the phone for added drama! Make little cards for her and leave them in her locker, and watch them get more and more disturbing over time! Learn about the joys of restraining orders! Debase yourself over your obsession, and never have to worry about things like mental stability or personal hygiene ever again!
Or,
- Get over her.
A sad fact of life is that we are around people we’re attracted to every day. It takes practice, but eventually, you get good at doing the mature thing: Letting go. Realize that even though you won’t get her in a relationship, you are lucky to have her around as your friend. And if that hurts too much then, yeah, you may have to spend some time away.
Keep in mind that, even if she did say yes to you at this point, chances of things actually working are about nil. If you’ve been doing the unrequited love thing for any period of time, and she finally says yes, you probably won’t be a boyfriend, you’ll be more of a lap-dog. There’s nothing worse than mercy-sex, except for a mercy-relationship.
I know it hurts, and it’s easy to say “get over her” but much harder to do it. Resign yourself to feeling hurt about this, and move on with your life. Date someone else. You’ll be okay, in time, and eventually you might find someone who you feel this way about, and who feels the same way about you. And that’s worth all of this pain you’re going through now.
It’s all I could think of to say, and I hope in some way it helps.
You don’t have to break off your friendship with her. I’ve (finally, I think, nine years into it) gotten over a long-term unrequieted crush on my best guy-friend, and we’re still friends. Since I knew that there was no chance of anything happening, I made my peace with that and chose to retain the friendship, and I don’t regret it at all.
Yea, it’s tough and it hurts like hell. But just take your eyes off this girl and look around you at the other ones for a second. You won’t ever forget about her, but you can move on and build new relationships, creating new memories of better things.
Life is a dynamic, not a static. We drift around in it, bumping into each other as billiard balls across the table, falling into different pockets, mingling in infinitely diverse combination. Sometimes a ball just doesn’t fall into the pocket; your shot wasn’t necessarily bad, perhaps it was a warped table that sent it slightly off center, careening toward another pocket. Perhaps the target ball was misshapen. For whatever reason, you can’t get that ball from where you are now. Maybe you’ll never have a shot at it. But one of those other balls will fall eventually, so long as you keep shooting.
Humm, problem is… I HAVE no other options. I swear… the only girls I would want to go out with either don’t like me, have boyfriends, or are too old.
And I want my first girlfriend to be someone special, not a bimbo I went out with to get over another girl.
I’ve been there too, thinking there were no other possibilities. Experience has proved that wrong.
Some people are lucky and find love right away, and to the outside world, it doesn’t appear like they expend any effort. I think that’s an illusion for the most part. You just don’t see the effort that others expend because it’s done in private. Love takes work and a lot of patience.
Keep looking. Go beyond your current circle of friends. At 14, you have more time than you probably realize, though I remember how painful it can be to feel all alone. Oddly enough, that pain can ease once you become really comfortable in your own skin, though that might take quite a few years. I don’t think you can get that kind of self-assurance completely from someone else–it has to come from within.
Whatever you do, don’t sink into the pit of despair and self-pity–that’s useless and self-destructive. Hope and love are cut from the same cloth, and threads from the former will lead you to the latter.
Yeah, but here’s the thing: there’s a difference between having a girlfriend and being in a serious relationship. In my experience, you never start out being in a serious relationship; that sort of thing takes time to develop. In the meantime, you should be having fun. Hang out with people you enjoy hanging out with. If there’s no one you want to date, don’t date anybody. There are very few situations with the possibility for more bad things than having an SO just for the sake of having an SO. Adult life is not the sort of thing you want to rush into; take the time to enjoy being young.[sup]1[/sup] And don’t sweat it if you don’t date anybody for a little while; these things happen at the right moments. The best advice I’ve ever receieved is that you’re not ready to be with somebody until you can handle being alone.
[sup]1[/sup]: I know you’re not going to listen to this. I didn’t listen, and the person who told me didn’t listen, and the kids you tell this to someday won’t listen either. But it’s still worth saying.